CHAPTER 3 · 2 · I love you

I promised. Lois waited with me until noon and left.
The way it felt, she had her reservations at first but she was actually hungry, so she ended up feeling the need to go.
I’m actually glad she took my offer…
It feels like she trusts me now, at least a little bit. I really thought she was going to hate me forever…
…
I’m sitting all alone in the dark. The only light I can see comes from the trap door to my bedroom, which I didn’t close, but the more time passes, the more it feels like a picture, a simple square of colour in my field of vision, rather than actual light.
I don’t even want to check my handbook. Something about being alone in here makes me feel like doing nothing at all.

I think this answers one of my questions. Unless I open the little “window” to the hallway, I can’t hear anything.

…It’s almost like I’m surrounded with nothing.

I end up getting so far lost in my thoughts that I feel like I’m sleeping, when I’m undeniably awake.
…
…
…
… … …
When she opens the trap door from inside her room, I literally jump in surprise. It hurts my back and my butt a little bit.
“I’m back.”
“I can see that…”
“Not too bored?”
She makes her way towards me and sits against the wall, next to me.
“Uuh… A little bit, I guess.”
Maybe because I got used to the darkness around me, I can clearly see her nod this time.
“If I were in the mood to, I’d bring a light and something to read in here.”
…
…I could have done that all along?!
“Anyway… Phew.”
She lets out a satisfied sigh.
“It feels good to sit and eat a nice meal…”
“Ah…”
I can feel myself smiling. I’m glad she’s happy about it.
“Did it go well, then?”
“Yes… Why wouldn’t it?”
…
Never mind.
“Never mind. How about you go? Alice said she was going to cry if you didn’t come.”
“What?!”
I’m already standing up. That’s how fast I reacted.
“…I’m pretty sure that was a joke, but go eat your lunch anyway.”
“Ah, uh, okay…”
My head feels a little hot.
“What about you..? Do you want me to come back afterwards?”
“Just do your own thing. If you have nothing better to do, sure, you can come back.”
“Okay…”
I’m still afraid of messing up. She’s putting some trust in me, and… I seriously don’t want to disappoint her.
“See you soon, then.”
I smile again, but I don’t think she can see that. She probably wouldn’t have liked that I forced myself, anyway. I turn around and go back inside my room.
… Closing the trap door behind me feels a little weird.

I actually feel a little bad for not coming for lunch when it was the one thing I said I would do. I failed to take a starving Lois into account… Eugh.
Walking into the main hall, I encounter Oscar and Mina again.
“Here you are.”
“Hey, uuuuuh… yes.”
“Wow, I feel so awkward.”
Mina still doesn’t sound too hot.
“The others were a little confused, but I’m glad you’re going out of your way to work with Lois.”
Oscar, standing next to her, nods. Being that I’m looking at her, I can only vaguely see it at the top of my field of vision.
“S-sure? Uhm… Well, this is a temporary solution.”
“You can ask us anything.”
“Hm, uh… I’ll think about it, thank you.”
The detective sighs.
“Alright, go take a rest.”
With that said, she walks past me. Oscar follows her, not without taking another look at me.
“When you want to talk about it, I’m interested in that secret pathway.”
“The... Oh, right!”
I don’t know what’s happening to me. Why am I so nervous? It’s probably Lois… I don’t like thinking that, though.
I laugh nervously before turning to head inside the lunchroom. I got my secret pathways mixed up for a second…
Eh. Closing the door behind me, I shrug. Now that I think about it, after all that happened this morning, maybe it’s normal for me to feel spent.
“No!”
Ah?
Hearing Chris laugh, I immediately turn to look in her direction, and I’m surprised to find her sitting across… Keith?
“…Did I say something horribly offensive?”
Curious, I get closer without really thinking about it.
“No, no… Something like… “I’m a go to the bathroom man”.”
Keith stares at his hands.
“Aren’t we all?”
I’m genuinely shocked. Chris looks in a good mood…
…I haven’t seen her like that in a long time.
Keith’s also a lot calmer than he was this morning…
He notices me.
“…She’s teaching me sign language.”
Unsurprisingly, though, he sounds a little unenthusiastic.
“Oh?”
“Just some basics.”
“Uhm, why?”
I certainly didn’t forget that Chris could speak sign language. It’s just that since Noah… Noah’s death, no one has enquired about it, so… This is a little random.
“I think anyone who works with other people should try to learn the basics.”
“For sure!”
…Like I said, Chris looks in a good mood.
I can’t help but smile. I… missed her, I think?
“My friend… Uuuh…”
She points her finger in the air, looking away for a short second before correcting herself.
“I used to have a friend who was deaf, which is why I learned sign language in the first place. She said the same thing. Our teachers and some of the school staff learned it just for her, but she thought more people, like baristas, servers, administration workers and shit should know some.”
“Yeah… I think the same thing… But then we never learn it.”
I don’t know what to say. To be honest, I never think about sign language. I never knew someone who used it, until Noah… Sure, I was aware that it existed, but not in my circle, right?
“Well you just gotta do it someday. Wanna continue?”
“Sure.”
…I feel a little bad for feeling in the wrong compared to Keith, but I still smile once more before leaving them alone.
Glancing around, I can’t see anybody else, but I end up walking into the Ultimate Trio right as they were heading out of the kitchen.
“Aaaah, here’s the liar!”
“Argh…”
Not knowing what to say, I take a step back to give them room to all come out.
“Imagine the disappointment… You wait for a cute boy, and you get a hot mysterious woman instead…”
She pokes her cheek with her index finger.
“Wait, that’s not so bad.”
She’s obviously joking around, but it seriously doesn’t sound bad at all…
That’s Alice for you, I guess. Like I’d figured, just being around those three immediately makes me feel more comfortable.
“I’m sorry, there was a change of plans…”
“That’s fine…”
I immediately notice something wrong with Jan’s tone. Glancing at him, it’s obvious that he looks a little upset.
I open my mouth but nothing comes out. That’s… upsetting.
“…Is something wrong?”
Gee, and of course I started staring. I shake my head.
“No, no, uuuh… How about you? Is something up?”
“Hm?”
He looks even sorrier.
“No… I guess I was a little worried about you.”
“Aww!”
“Thanks Alice for the agreements…”
“Oh, ah, uh, really? Didn’t Lois tell you..?”
“You took her place for a moment, right?”
I nod.
“Yup, that’s all.”
He nods, but he doesn’t look any reassured.
…I frown, a little disconcerted. He keeps looking at me, so it must have something to do with me, but what?
Finally, he insists.
“So you’re doing fine, right?”
“Yes?” I think immediately, but… Suddenly, I think I understand.
“Ah!”
It takes all I have in my power not to violently facepalm. I feel terrible. Only an idiot like me would worry Jan so much.
Now that I understand what this is about… Yes, it’s abundantly clear. He’s trying to check on me without revealing my secret.
“Yeah! I just hung out on my own, doing nothing.”
I fold my forearms in front of my torso and hit them against one another to form a cross, multiple times in a row.
“Nothing at all.”
My idea is that with this gesture, I’m not only insisting on what I’m saying, but also showing him that I understood what he meant… Hopefully, he’ll get that I wouldn’t hit my arms against each other like that if I’d done anything to them.
“Oh.”
He smiles again. It looks like it worked.
“Hmm…”
On either side of him, Alice and Akiro look confused, but they don’t say anything…
I let out a discrete sigh of relief. I’m seriously embarrassed for putting Jan through this… first showing him my scars unprompted, then enquiring about razors of all things… and then isolating myself for a while. I think anyone would have worried about it the way he did.
…Thinking about it, I roll my eyes without immediately realising it. (Oops.) I want to hit my head against the nearest wall for being behind that entire sequence of events, in a healthy way.
“I’m sorry for bothering you like that…”
“Oh, uh, no, it’s okay..!”
Oh my God, did I make it look like… ..?
End me! End me right now!
With a sorry smile, Jan continues:
“If it can make you forgive me, I left out a share of everything just for you.”
“I, I have nothing to forgive you about, though…”
While I flail my arms around like a nervous maniac, Alice walks behind him to hang on to Akiro’s arm. She pretends to whisper:
“Why are straight men always so weird..?”
“PFFFT-”
…Akiro didn’t seem to expect that one. Neither did I. I stop to look at her, my head feeling a little hot… once again, once again.
“Are you… Are you talking about me?”
She pretends to hide behind Akiro’s arm… while he hides his mouth behind his other hand, giggling to himself.
“…Maybe?”
“I’m not… I’m not straight.”
…Why did I stop to correct her on that? Why is my order of priorities so wrong? I look at Jan again, but he turned his head to look at Alice, and he’s smiling normally.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to insult you like that,” she says, letting go of Akiro’s arm and laughing as always.
“Insult..?”
“Yeah! Full offense!”
“Alice, you… you’re straight…”
“Oh yeah, oops! Hehe!”
“Hahaha…”
…What’s happening?
“Anyway, you hungry?”
Jan puts the topic back on track.
“…Yes.”
“With our track record, I’m not sure I’m fine with Alice taking on the role of the goofy character now…”
I don’t want to think about dumb things… not more than I need to. I focus on Jan, because clearly he has my best interest at heart.
“Did you end up making Alice’s favourite dessert after all?”
He nods.
“Yes, and I left some for you of course.”
He takes a step back, meaning to lead me back inside the kitchen, but Alice speaks up again.
“Whaaaat? He gets to eat some of MY dessert? But he abandoned me!”
Abandon-what..?
“C’mo—”
“D-don’t say stuff like that…”
“Yep!”
She crosses her arms.
“Tough world.”
As we finally walk into the kitchen, I laugh nervously…
“F-first of all, stop messing with me like that… Second of all, what is it even?”
“Yeah, see, I don’t think you deserve to know that…”
“He said to stop messing with him.”
Jan sighs with a smile before heading towards the counter. It’s hard to get mad at Alice… She looks overly excited.
“…But to reveal my favourite dessert would be to give you a look into the complexity of my needs, and my culture, as a refined la-”
“It’s chocolate mousse.”
“Ah.”
“Wow! Spoilers, dude!”
“Th-this is your third time giving that s, that same speech…”
“Pff… Well, you got to eat chocolate mousse because of me, so you owe me some patience at least, dontcha?”
“S-sure.”
I chuckle nervously.
“Yeah, that doesn’t sound bad.”
She nods. Is that what she’s so excited about? She looks like she’s on the verge of giving me a speech on chocolate mousse. 3… 2… 1…
“Chocolate mousse is a dessert you can get pretty much anywhere, right? But it’s rarely good, at least, good enough…”
Called it.
“It’s always better when it’s homemade, but even then, it’s pretty easy to fail. My mom always messes it up. It’s still good, but it’s not quite there… When you get the perfect ingredients together and work them into the perfect texture…”
She claps her hands together.
“It’s the perfect dessert! It’s just airy enough, and it melts in the mouth with a delicious taste of dark chocolate…”
“I-It sounds like we’re in an advertisement…”
She pretends to wipe a tear off her face.
“So when I was given the occasion to ask a good cook to make one, I just had to…”
Can’tfocustoohungrynow.
She spins on one foot to reach for Jan and hug him, producing a fake sniffle.
“I love you…”
“You know your way to a girl’s heart, huh..?” Akiro whispers.
“Sounds like it.”
Jan looks pretty happy with himself. Letting Alice hug him, he turns around, handing me a plate and cutlery. Yes!!!!1!
I take it, trying my best not to look like a starving animal.
“Thank you! What is it?”
“Vegetable curry.”
“Oh, sweet!”
It smells very strongly… I feel like slamming my head into the plate.
“No, it’s mostly spicy.”
…
Alice laughs at her own joke and lets go of Jan to give me a light push towards the lunchroom.
“Alright, alright, you look hungry, so eat up!”
I wasn’t gonna say no…

I take a sit at the table on my own, close to the kitchen’s door. Chris and Keith, on the other end of the table, are continuing to have what looks like a pretty chill conversation… Why do I care, though? Food is also the way to my heart! ...I’ve decided.
It’s delicious as always. For a few seconds, I forget that there are people around me, and simply enjoy the food. I’m brought back to reality when Jan slams down a ramekin next to my plate.
“For dessert.”
As always when it comes to his food, he looks genuinely happy to be sharing it. Along with eating a tasty dish, this puts me in a good mood.
He and his two friends sit around me.
“Is it good?”
“Ah, uh, yes! Obviously…”
I glance at Jan, but he’s looking at the odd pair on the other side of the room. It’s a little embarrassing to always be at his mercy for good food… but he looks like he seriously enjoys it, which honestly makes the food taste even better.
“Hm-hm! It’s a funny coincidence that Lois ate with us today, when he made something vegetarian.”
“Hm? Why?”
“Well, because she is. Ah, I guess only we would need to know that…”
“Ah, uh, yeah… I didn’t know.”
“It’s, it’s actually surprising that she is the only one here who, who is, is-isn’t it?”
“I guess so. It’s a pretty popular diet nowadays…”
She turns her attention to Akiro.
“Do you want to become a vegetarian?”
He looks away.
“S-sure, yeah. I wouldn’t mind… Maybe I should…”
“Hmm...”
“W-what?”
Jan looks a little curious at first, but quickly flashes his signature smile again.
“Okay, why not? I’m already planning your meals anyway…”
“What are you talking about?”
Should a narrator always mention when a character who blushes very often blushes? Random question. I guess as the Ultimate Writer, Akiro should know that… But he’s the one who’s blushing. He probably doesn’t want me to ask that.
“I just want you to eat weeeeeeell.”
“Leave me aloooooone.”
“Nope, you should definitely eat more!”
I’m still eating, by the way. Nom nom. So good.
“D-don’t bodyshame me.”
“Your appearance’s not what I’m worried about!”
“I just don’t want you to be hungryyyyyy.”
“I’m noooooot.”
“Sometimes during the day your stomach growls and you completely ignore it. I’m not even sure you pay attention to it, judging by your lack of embarrassment from it.”
“Uhm…”
“Not that that’s particularly embarrassing…”
“No, but Akiro would definitely be embarrassed by it.”
“Yep, definitely.”
“I’m, I’m embarrassed right now.”
I’m now done with my plate, but it’s hard to say goodbye…
…As for Akiro, it does sound like he has some sort of problem.
“Anyway.”
Jan pokes him gently in the arm.
“Do you really want me to make vegetarian food for you? I can do that. I’ll make you tons.”
Akiro looks at him with a slight pout, but a particularly gentle look, without saying anything.
The pianist waits for an answer for a few seconds, before poking him again to insist.
“No? Later?”
“Stop…”
“Hm?”
Before I taste this chocolate mousse…
I look at them both.
There’s something…
Something in the air…
It grabs my heart and squeezes it… I recognise this sensation…
Yes… They’re…
“Too soft!”
That!
“…Hm?”
He turns his attention to Alice this time, looking SOFTLY confused.
She hides her eyes with her two hands.
“No! Stop! Don’t involve me in the softness!”
“What? Me?”
He looks at both Akiro and myself, with this SOFT confused look still in his eyes.
“I’m soft?”
…
The writer and I exchange a glance. Neither of us wants to say it.
Jan lets out a SOFT sigh.
“Actually, when I say it like that, it sounds like an insult…”
“… Yeah, you’re soft.”
He finally said it.
“Honestly, you’re getting soft too!”
…Soft, like… the feel of that chocolate mousse in my mouth, right? Yep, I’m thinking about it again. Time to get eating.
…
What the fuck. It’s so good.
“You’re next.”
“Wow… You make it sound so ominous.”
“Population becomes soft… Local pianist denies responsibility…”
Jan’s looking away, chuckling nervously.
I’m becoming soft just eating this mousse.
“They’ll get to you eventually.”
Alice, sitting right next to me, stretches. I turn my head to look at her, and see that she’s still smiling – looking a little calmer than when I arrived, maybe.
“Anyway, I was trying to talk about Lois!”
“Oh, right.”
“But you still didn’t answer…” Jan says… softly… …
They both ignore him.
“So, everyone was shocked to see her. She said you bullied her into eating with us.”
“W-what?”
“She, she didn’t…”
…Why do these two girls mess with me so much?!
“No, but she was super super super insistent on us putting a share on the side for you.”
“L-like we wouldn’t have anyway...”
“Ah, uh, that’s still nice of her…”
I’m almost done with the mousse… I try to savour every spoonful.
“I think it’s the first time we ever talked to her casually… It was weird, it felt like we were meeting someone here for the first time, you know?”
“Huh…”
Alice turns towards the other end of the table.
“What did you think?” she asks loudly.
Chris and Keith turn their heads to look at her at the exact same time.
“About what?”
“About Lois making us feel like we were meeting someone new or something like that.”
I lean in to look at their faces.
Keith doesn’t look very interested in answering. Chris puts on an exaggeratedly disabused face.
“First of all, she annoys me. Second of all, I’m having a normal conversation with that guy for the first time right now, so I can’t really tell the difference.”
“Yeah, but Keith could start crying at any random moment, so that’s a difference.”
“…Uhm.”
“That’s a little cold, Alice.”
…Yeah.
“Oh, sorry.”
“B-besides, who’s to say th-that Lois couldn’t do that too?”
…Yeah.
But also, do the two of you have no tact at all?!
“Do you want to check how hard I can cry?”
“No! Okay, no one cry right now!”
“What are you, a kindergarten teacher?”
…
Anyway, I’ve been scrapping the ramekin desperately for a while, now.
I’m completely done with my dessert.
Fin.

“I’ll take care of these real quick…”
I get up to go back inside the kitchen and wash my dishes before I can get too lazy to do it. Interestingly, it looks like Jan left out more than one share of curry and mousse…
Washing just one set of dishes isn’t that much work, so I quickly get to go back into the dining room.

“Can I ask a dumb question?”
“Always.”
I don’t know who asked who, but Chris and Keith sat closer to the trio. I go back to my initial seat, in front of Jan, who needs to stop smiling like that when I look at him, why is he so pleasant, why does he make my day brighter when I feel so bad,
“Didn’t you say you’re Spanish?”
“Did she?”
“Sure did.”
“Hmm…”
Alice looks at the ceiling for a couple seconds while she considers how to phrase her question.
“Oh, Keith, you’re from the United-States, right?”
“…Yes.”
“That’s why I was thinking… Aren’t there different sign languages from country to country? Would Keith need to learn the one you know?”
Oh, that’s a good question… I think. Is it? Why does it feel like I’m forgetting something?
“Noah and I understood each other, didn’t we?”
Chris looks away, and she looks slightly hesitant… but still, I’m surprised to hear her mention him casually.
“Yeah, uh… That’s what I was initially gonna ask you about, but I didn’t know if that was okay.”
“No, it is.”
She shrugs.
“The sign language I speak is USL, so, Universal Sign Language.”
“Seriously? I… didn’t know that existed.”
“It… It was introduced a few y-years ago, I think…”
“Yeah… Like 9 years ago or sum’.”
“O-oh.”
“9 years ago? That’s a lot already…”
…I guess I must have known about it, somewhere at the back of my mind, but you’d think something that old would be common knowledge, something I remember for sure.
“A lot of people just don’t know. We just don’t talk about it enough. Some people still know their country’s original sign language, but we’re expected to learn USL now.”
“Do you know Spanish sign language as well?”
“Nope.”
“I guess it’s just like spoken languages. They’re bound to be completely replaced by English soon.”
“That’s… That’s sad…”
“Do you think so?”
“Uuuh, yeah…”
Akiro scratches his neck nervously, trying to look at Alice but systematically turning his eyes away.
“I think it’s… poetic… in a, in a way… w-when you go to a country, and it has its own language…”
“You travel a lot, Akiro?”
“Y-yes…”
“So that’s why you went out of your way to learn the local languages? Because you like them?”
“Uuuh… S-sure… But it’s also… Sometimes you n, you need to, in some contexts…”
He keeps talking without looking at anyone in particular.
I try to sound interested and patient… I mean, I am. I just want him to know that.
“What foreign languages do you speak, then?”
“Uhm…”
He sighs.
“A few…”
“English.”
“Yes, that’s one…”
“Oh, I know that one too!”
“Do you know some Spanish?”
“Y-Yes.”
For a second, he looks genuinely panicked. What is it about? If I had to guess… Maybe he’s afraid that she’ll ask him to prove it.
“¡Que chido!”
I have no idea what that meant, but Chris put her two fists in the air, acting enthusiastic.
“Haha… yeah…”
“You don’t speak Swedish, right?”
“N-no…”
“You could list a few you know.”
Jan is using a similar tone to the one I was.
“Yes, uh… Okay.”
He passes his fingers through his fringe and grabs a strand from it, which he stares at for a couple seconds before continuing.
“I just… I can speak uh… Portuguese. German. Afrikaans. I uh, I know some Italian… And some… _French…”
“Some what?”
For some reason, he turns a panicked look to Jan. He looks way calm by comparison…
“…French, too? That’s cool.”
“Y-yes.”
He looks relieved.
“What’s the issue? Did the French get cancelled or something?”
“I’m sure they should.”
“For what reason?”
“I don’t know, but we could come up with one.”
“What..?”
“L-let’s leave them alone.”
“Too bad.”
I chuckle, but I’m mostly confused. Is that a joke only Europeans would get..? I thought French was a refined language to know. Actually, Akiro is pretty cool for knowing all those languages.
Maybe I should say that.
“Either way… It’s impressive that you can speak so many different languages.”
“Yeah, I was about to say the same thing.”
Oh.
“Uhm… Uuuh… Thank you?”
“Plus Japanese!”
“Well, yeah.”
“But you travel a lot, right? That’s neat. I wish I could travel more.”
“Yeah! Me too!”
“Uuh, yeah… Well…”
He tugs on his fringe.
“It is very cool… But also…”
He looks away.
“Uuuh… Lonely…”
“Really? I thought on the contrary, you’d get to meet tons of new people.”
“Yes, but…”
Everyone waits, but he doesn’t finish that sentence.
“Your home’s in Japan, right?”
He shakes his head.
“Ah?”
“I… used to live there. I actually would… I actually would like to visit again…”
“Why don’t you make that your next destination, then?”
Akiro looks a little uncomfortable.
“I don’t just… travel like that, f-for fun…”
“Would you like to?”
He hesitates.
“Maybe… I guess it could be different…”
“I can buy you a trip to Japan, if you want.”
“Huh?”
Uh, same reaction.
“Can I come with you?”
“What?”
Akiro’s confused, I’m confused, we’re all confused.
“If you’re buying it, obviously you’re coming!”
“Hey, what’s happening? Are you planning a trip without me right now?”
“…Can Alice come too?”
“Why are you asking me?!”
The heat from his cheeks is increasing this room’s temperature. That’s an efficient exaggeration, right?
“How much money you got? Just count everyone in.”
“Everyone, huh… I’m sure I can make that work.”
Wait, so I’m coming too now?
Akiro facepalms.
“Sure. Okay. I’ll take it.”
“Yay!”
“How fucking rich are you..?”
Jan smiles apologetically, for some reason.
“Since I give so few concerts, they pay very well… And I don’t really use my money, so…”
I find myself scratching my temple, and I now realise that I’ve been smiling for a little while now. Either way, I don’t think there’s much for him to feel apologetic about… As an Ultimate “entertainer” myself, I’d know. Once you get that title, everybody’s ready to throw ridiculous amounts of money at you.
“Ah, right. It’s just that my talent isn’t worth anything.”
“Uuuuh…”
…I don’t think it’s very easy to contradict him, with a talent like “sexologist”. What even is that..?
“It’s not like you can say no to that money either. Letting yourself be underpaid as an Ultimate has a bad rep.”
“Oh, right, I’ve seen discussions like that about the entertainment industry. It’s bad to put a low standard on talented people’s hard work, right?”
“Not just that, but if Ultimates start asking for little to no money, then it’s going to be impossible for people who aren’t Ultimates to get paid for their work.”
“Unfortunately, there’s still a large difference in how much we and other artists get paid…”
I nod. I know..!
“Yeah… There is a perceived enormous value in our title on its own, so add that to our talent, efficiency and all that and we’re worth the good pay on multiple levels. But then other people put in the same amount of work, and no matter how well they do, their name will never be as valuable to plaster on posters.”
“Oof.”
“That’s unfair.”
“Yeah. Especially since there can only be one “Ultimate”… How flimsy is that as a concept? What if you’re second best in the entire world? You’ll never be recognised for it.”
“Exactly… There are so many other talented people in the world who arbitrarily have to stay “regular” people, even if they’re famous or put in the work every day, just because there’s one Ultimate.”
“You guys seem to know a lot about that kind of stuff.”
Huh.
“…I guess… That’s something I’ve thought a lot about.”
…I guess I’d never realised how interested I was in this topic.
Chris undoes her ponytail to fix it up.
“I just ask myself a lot of existential questions.”
“Huh!”
…
No one says anything for a minute or two. I guess this conversation is over… I wouldn’t know what else to say.
Finally, Alice slams her palms on the table.
“Well! I’m tired of sitting here. Let’s move!”
“Ah…”
I don’t think anyone expected Keith to react.
He looks at me.
“… I was hoping to talk to Neo about something.”
“Oh, okay.”
…Why did I say “okay”? Am I okay with Keith talking to me?
Well, I have no reason to flat-out refuse to talk to him. That would be silly.
“I can stay here then, if you want...”
“…I guess I’ll stay for a bit.”
“Oh, okay.”
Unbothered, Alice turns to her two favourite boys.
“I hope you realise that you have no choice but to come with me.”
“You make it sound like we don’t want to.”
“With Akiro, I’m not always sure.”
“Y-you’re just trying to make me say I like you.”
“Well?”
…
…
…
“Oh my God please say something.”
“L-leave me alone!”
Akiro stands up in a rush.
“Let’s go! Obviously I want to go with my friend!”
“Yesss!”
“He’s really gotta like you to deal with what you put him through…”
Alice chuckles.
“I just need him to get used to my unconditional love.”
“Pff…”
…Finally, the three of them leave the room.
I already miss them.
“Hm.”
Oh, right… I turn to look at Keith again.
“So… What did you want to talk about?”
He looks away, but not in the flustered manner in which Akiro does it. The mood went down as soon as the trio left.
“I almost bothered Lois with it, but…”
He glances at Chris before looking at me. She’s leaning back, her arms crossed, looking at both of us.
I wonder if she stayed so it wouldn’t just be the two of us..?
“You probably don’t like me, but at least I’ve talked to you a little more since the beginning.”
“Uuuuh…”
“...I don’t care.”
He places his hands on his lap.
“Andi… You got along with her, right?”
“Yes…”
I feel a little uncomfortable, but I can’t fully blame him. I feel sick just thinking about her, what happened to her, but it’s impossible to ignore how strongly he felt.
“And that guy… he was your friend too, right?”
I open my mouth slightly without saying anything at first.
…
“Ben was my friend, yes.”
He narrows his eyes.
“Do you forgive him?”
A shiver goes through my entire body, twisting my stomach on its way down.
It’s like I’m suddenly cold.
I don’t answer immediately this time either, and he waits, looking at me intensely.
Why?
Why do I have to answer that kind of question?
“Forgive..?”
He doesn’t say anything else. It looks like he’s waiting for a clear answer, but…
I lower my head to stare at my own lap. Do I even have it..?
“Why does it matter to you what Neo thinks?”
Hearing Chris speak up, I jump a little.
Keith finally turns his stare away from me to look at her.
“I just want to know.”
“Then, can you clarify what you mean by “forgive”?”
… It feels like she’s trying to help me. No, she definitely is.
Keith looks down again.
“…I don’t know.”
She sighs.
“Do you think I forgive Noah?”
My eyes open wide as I look at her again.
Honestly, I don’t understand anything. I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know what to think.
“I don’t think you do.”
She hesitates before continuing.
“I know that’s not your job, but you know a thing or two about psychology, right?  If you were a therapist, would you say there’s someone I’m not forgiving?”
…I’m lost.
For some reason, Keith knows what to answer, though.
“Yourself…”
She nods at first, but as she speaks, she starts to shake her head instead.
“I won’t have you pretend to be my therapist. You could say that I didn’t have anything to do with it or some shit like that, but I would still feel like I’m the reason he killed her, like I’m the one who pressed the button to kill him.”
“But
So did I…”
“You feel the same about Andi, or something close enough, dontcha?”
“And?”
In his defiant tone, clear despite his sad voice, I can recognise Keith, I think.
“What is it you want to know about Neo?”
“Tch…”
…
I still don’t know.
But he turns to me,
looking sad.
“Do you miss them both?”
I swallow my spit, my thoughts are rushing so fast I can’t comprehend a single one. How did anything she said lead him to that question? What am I supposed to think?
…That’s not what he’s asking, is it? It’s… What do I think?
“If Benjamin could be alive…”
Then what?
Is that what I want?
Is that what I feel?
I can’t hide that I’m struggling to think it through, but he waits.
I wonder if that’s his way of being patient with me.
“…I’d ask him for a reason to forgive him.”
“Hm.”
He looks away once more, freeing me from his stare.
“That’s what I don’t know.”
“What..?”
“It’s his fault. Andi died by his fault.”
He lets out a sort of sob, and I expect him to start tearing up, but he doesn’t.
“I hate him! It’s his fault!”
He brings his fists back up to slam them down on the table.
“Why the fuck would I want to understand?! He’s the one who sent her to her death, I don’t want to understand someone like that, do I? Then why?!”
Huh…
He looks at me again, and this time, tears are forming inside his eyes.
“Can you tell me? Can you tell me why your friend decided to kill our friend?!”
“That’s enough!”
She reacted before I could—and he’s quick to respond as well.
“Sorry…”
His voice cracks and he closes his eyes.
…
“No…”
I sigh.
So many thoughts…
“Thanks for making me realise…”
I tear up. Did I cry at all since yesterday? I don’t think I will now either, but still, tears are in my eyes.
“I hate him too.”
…

We stayed silent for a few minutes. As silent as Keith’s crying allowed it.
He’s calming down, though.
“I feel so lonely.”
For some reason, this sends another shiver through my body.
“…You get it, right?”
He glances at Chris. She nods.
“It’s weird… I’m used to being lonely, but this… This is something more.”
I don’t think I feel the same way he does.
Somehow, still, I’m touched.
“…I’m sorry for involving you in my feelings.”
He looks at me this time. His eyes are red, but his tears are slowing down.
“In a weird way, I feel stuck with the surviving…”
He sighs. He suddenly starts to calm down even faster.
“Well, I literally am.”
He clears his throat.
“Even though we’re living the same things, I feel a special brand of shit, and that only has to with me.”
He marks a pause, lowering his gaze.
“…It’s easy to think not being honest about your feelings is only making you suffer, until that person disappears.”
I don’t know why, but my mouth opens on its own to ask a dumb question.
“Were you in love with Andi?”
He looks up at me again, his eyes wide, silent at first – and suddenly, he chuckles.
He starts to laugh, but it doesn’t feel like he's making fun of me.
It’s a sad laugh.
“With a weird girl I’d just met? Come on, I’m not that kind of guy,” he finally answers with a cynical smile.
It quickly falls down into a frown.
“If we’d escaped this place together, I think eventually I would have.”

…
We stayed silent for a little while longer. It eventually became comforting, sitting there, all three of us together, without a word to say.
Eventually, Chris spoke up again.
“I think I’m gonna search for Chloe and her weird friend.”
…
“Weird friend?”
“Do you guys want to come with me?”
Chris is surprisingly calm. Actually… I feel calm too, now again.
Maybe… We needed to feel sad together.
That’s what I’m thinking, at least.
“I don’t really have anything better to do…”
“I don’t mind. At least I won’t be alone.”
She passes her hand through her ponytail.
“I’m sure Chloe’s curious how you feel. She always wants to ask questions about complicated feelings.”
“Is that supposed to make me want to come..?”
She shrugs.
“For her sake, sure.”
He doesn’t reply. I guess that means he’s going with her.
On my own, I wouldn’t have assumed Keith would want to do anything for someone else’s sake, but deep down, I know I’m wrong.
Maybe eventually… I’ll try to talk to him to understand him a little more.
“Neo? What about you?”
“Ah, right…”
Hmm… No, I guess I’ve been looking at it like I wasn’t going to come with, so that’s probably just how I feel.
“I think I’ll just go back to my room.”
“Okay.”
She stands up, and Keith hesitates before doing the same.
“Uuuuh…”
Walking around the table, she stops near me.
“Just… Is she nice to you? Lois…”
“Hm?”
I didn’t expect her to be brought up.
“Nice to me?”
I’m just thinking out loud. Nice to me..?
“I guess so.”
Chris sighs.
“I guess it’s cool that you like her.”
“Are you worried about him?”
She looks surprised.
“Uh…”
She looks at Keith, then me, a little flustered, before frowning.
“I don’t trust her, so I guess so. But I’m not the boss of ya.”
I laugh nervously.
“How did you know I was going to go see her anyway?”
…It was probably easy to predict. I didn’t have to think it through to know, at the back of my mind, that I was going to.
“I guess it’s easy to worry about me if I’m that predictable.”
“Right…”
Keith shrugs.
“If he can handle me, he can handle her.”
Yeah… I agree with that.

We left the dining room together, and then went our separate ways. They walked upstairs while I headed outside.
I walked a few steps, until suddenly…
“Aaaaargh!”
...I’m completely soaked! It feels like someone emptied a bucket of water over my head—
But the water continues to fall down. I try to look up, but there’s just too much water. What the hell is that… Rain?!
There’s so much water in the air, I can barely breathe..!
“Upupu… What do you say?”
“What?!”
I struggle to open my eyes to find Monokuma standing next to me, unbothered by the rain.
“How are you okay under so much water?!”
“I’m waterproof!”
He takes a few giddy steps underneath the rain. It looks like the water could submerge him any second.
“So, how do you like it? Rain’s the appropriate weather for how you feel, right?”
“You call that rain?! I call that… I call that an inundation!”
“Hm?”
The bear looks at me curiously.
“Isn’t that what rain is? Water falling from the sky?”
I cough. It’s going up my nose, and inside my mouth…
“Droplets! Droplets of water!”
…Suddenly, it calms down. It becomes normal rain.
“Like that?”
I cough again, some more water coming out from my nose.
“…Yes.”
“Okay! Thanks for your help! Upupu!”
He runs back inside before I can react.
“What do you mean “help”?!”
Pff…
I’m dripping with water, in a way that looks ridiculous compared to the now normal rain falling from the sky. I can now look up and see that the trompe-l’oeil changed… well, it definitely just looks like the sun is hidden behind thick grey clouds.
Sighing, I rush to the dormitory.
Going in, I immediately encounter three familiar faces.
“Oh, looks like it’s calmed down!”
“Oh G- Oh my God…”
I think Akiro’s horrified look is directed at me.
The trio is also wet… but not as wet as I am. I don’t think anyone could beat that.
Jan’s fixing his hair with his fingers, while Alice’s twisting the bottom of her pants to release the water from them… onto the floor.
“Nice shower, huh, Neo?”
“More like a bath.”
“Good one…”
I head towards my room.
“Do you think it’s gonna stay normal like this..? I don’t want to go out and suddenly get soaked again.”
“Uh, probably.”
The question wasn’t directed at me specifically, but I did talk to Monokuma… again… for some reason.
“Don’t waste your time answering my questions and go dry yourself!”
“Yeah, yeah…”
Her enthusiasm makes me chuckle. I grab my handbook (which, surprisingly, is still working) and open the door, but…
I don’t know why, suddenly, I think that I should ask someone.
I turn to the three of them.
“Oh, uh, by the way…”
…I’m thinking about Lois, who’s technically just above from us.
Even if I go back to her, I still won’t have a solution to free her. She wants her hideout to stay secret, but… I don’t think I can find something on my own.
One of them has to be able to find an idea, right..? About something like that, maybe…
“Hey, Akiro?”
“Y-yes?”
Seeing his surprise, I question myself… Why did I pick him?
…I remember the Ultimate Detective herself saying that a writer should know a trick or two.
That might be what influenced my choice.
“Imagine if there were a secret room, and you didn’t want anyone to be able to go in it. What would you do to make it inaccessible?”
“Uuuuh…”
He actually takes the time to think about it—Alice and Jan, though, are looking at me like I’m a little weird. (AND extremely wet.)
“Poison it? Maybe I’d poison the door handle, or maybe just use an aerosol… This, this way, if anyone comes inside, they won’t be able to breathe...”
…
“…That’s just murder.”
“Ah, uh, right…”
He gets flustered.
“B-but it’d work…”
“Yeah, uuuh… I think I’m looking for something different.”
“O-oh, uuuuh…”
“Why not just put something super heavy behind the door? This way no one can open it!”
“Ah!”
For a second, I think that’s right, and wonder what I could use, but… actually… there are way too many openings, and besides…
“Wait, if I can lift up whatever that is, then someone else could move it…”
“Well, you could use some sort of machine…”
“I uh, was thinking about something I could do on my own…”
…I think they’re going to catch onto the fact that this is not hypothetical real soon, if they haven’t already.
“B-but, going back to my idea of not being able to breathe in it…”
“We said no murder!”
“N-no, but… it’s just… Y-you know how you might insulate an attic with some kind of foam… that you spray on…”
“Uuuuh…”
I guess I have a vague idea what he’s talking about.
“Th-that stuff is just impossible to breathe in… S-so what if you covered the, the entire room with it? I don’t think you could walk through it…”
“I feel like that’s still just poison.”
“But then no one, not even you, could go in…”
“Ah, yeah, I guess…”
“I’ll think about it!”
Somehow, I like this idea. I’m not sure, but I feel like it might work. I’ll just need to run it by her, and we’ll see…
“Anyway…”
“Yeah, how about you go dry yourself off? You’re dropping water everywhere!”
“Yes, yes!”
I press the handle and walk in. Before closing the door behind me, I look at Akiro.
“Thank you, by the way!”
“S-sure…”
He looks a little confused… That’s totally on me.

I rush into the bathroom to grab a towel and remove my clothes. Once I’m dry, I head back into the bedroom to change into another set of the same clothes…
As I’m putting them on, I notice something unusual on my bed.
Right in the middle of it, there’s some sort of booklet…
“It’s your prize!”
“God damn it!”
Now where the hell did he come from this time? It certainly wasn’t the trap door!
“Wutwutwut?”
“…Whatever! What do you want?! What prize?”
“Your prize for finishing the maze!”
“The maze? Wasn’t the prize that stupid empty box?”
“What? No, that was a joke, you fucking idiot.”
…
I feel like he’s usually a little more creative than that.
“Anyway, the actual prize wasn’t ready yet. That ugly orange-haired gremlin found it faster than I expected.”
“What the- what?!”
“You’re boring me. Enjoy your prize, genius.”
… He opens the door and leaves.
I check the lock again—yes, it’s locked! What the hell? How did he get out? And what did he call Akiro?!
I let out a looooong sigh. This stupid bear’s going to drive me insane…
I guess I should have a look. I grab the booklet… It’s called “How to be a traitor 101”.
…
That’s the prize?
Shaking my head, I open it to the first page.


… What the hell am I reading? I turn the page…


What the hell is this about?! Is this calling me a traitor..? Or was Monokuma going to give it to whoever won the maze? But why?!
What a load of crap… I don’t think I’ve ever read something so stupid in my life, and I’ve had fans ask me to proofread their worst scripts.
I don’t even want to see it ever again. I throw it underneath the bed…
…
And what do I do now?
I look around, just to check that this dumb bear isn’t stalking me again… ... Doesn’t look like it.
I guess I should just go talk to Lois right away.
Once again, I climb up the bedframe to somehow hoist myself up into the trap door.
“Look who’s back.”
It looks like she was sitting in the dark, doing nothing this time as well.
“Yeah, uuuh…”
I make my way towards her.
“So, uh, I found an idea..!”
“I know. I was listening in.”
“Oh shit.”
Fuck.
“Uh, I mean, you were?”
“I was.”
I expected her to share her thoughts, but apparently she needs a little more of a push.
“So… What do you think, then?”
“I guess if we went ham with it, it could work.”
“Then…”
“Where do you plan on finding that specific kind of foam, though?”
“…Oh.”
I guess I hadn’t thought of that.
“You probably can’t find something like that inside a school…”
“It won’t hurt to check, will it?”
Oh! That’s encouraging. I didn’t expect her to believe in that option.
“You’re right, it won’t!”
…That being said, I feel a little embarrassed, letting her influence my decisions like that. My cheeks getting warmer… at least she can’t see that… I chuckle nervously.
“Even though now that I think about it, I don’t think we could find something so specific in here.”
“Well… Do you want it to be there?”
“Wh-what?”
“Would you like there to be that kind of foam in the Academy, in order to complete your plan?”
“…Yes, of course…”
“Then maybe you’ll find it.”
“Huh.”
She’s weird.
I wish I understood her thought process.
“I guess I should go ch-”
“Wait…”
“Yes..?”
“Tomorrow.”
I vaguely see her leaning in. I think she’s placing her head against her knees.
“Give me until tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“...I just want to stay here a little longer.”

I didn’t know what to say, and ended up sitting next to her in silence.
I have so many questions for her… but not the courage to ask a single one.
Eventually I, too, bury my head against my knees.
“…You trusted Ben, didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
Actually, never mind. I don’t want to talk about that anymore.
We continue to sit in silence for a little while.
“It’s funny that they also became your friend.”
“Ah? Really?”
…
“Actually, never mind. I don’t want to talk about that anymore.”
Huh.
I don’t know how much longer we stayed there, saying nothing.
After a while, she spoke up again.
“Hey, Neo, can I ask one thing of you?”
“O-Of course!”
“Next time I smell very strongly of something… Can you just tell me?”
I don’t know why, but I laugh.

We didn’t really talk much more. I eventually asked her if it was okay with her if I left, and she said yes with no hesitation.
Rough.
After going down and closing the trap door, I look at the time on my handbook. It’s already 6PM.
I wonder when Ciel will want to talk to me again. I ended up not thinking about them too much all day, but it still feels weird not to have seen them at all.
Especially after what happened yesterday…
Honestly, I said I was surprised that it was “already” 6, but now that I think about it, I feel like I just went through a very long day. I might just rest for the rest of the evening…
What’s the harm, right? I have no obligation… Nothing to do.
I stretch before lying down on my bed. I stare at the ceiling…
Argh, I just can’t ignore the fact that she’s up here.
…Still, I end up managing to think about other things.
Like how cool it is that when you feel lonely, you can just hang out with Akiro, Alice and Jan. They’re always so nice. I know Ciel hung out with them as well, when I stayed in my room.
I hope they won’t be as depressed as I was when this started. That they’ll feel better soon…
…
I jump out of bed as soon as I hear that faint knock on the door. I rush to open it, and welcome Ciel with a big smile.
“Hi…”
“I’m so happy to see you!”
I don’t think I’m usually dishonest, but I don’t think I’ve ever said anything with so much sincerity before either. It looks like my happiness is contagious, because they smile too.
“Hehehe… Likewise.”
I hesitate a little bit. I’ve been waiting to see them again, but… I didn’t really think about what I would say to them.
“…How are you?”
They shrug.
“Could be worse… How about you?”
“I’m fine, I guess.”
I pass my hand through the dyed half of my hair, looking around the empty dormitory.
“What do you want to do?”
“Hmm…”
They turn to their left to look at nothing in particular.
“Hmmmmmm… I’m not very hungry, but maybe I should try grabbing something from the kitchen…”
They look at me again.
“Can you come with me?”
“Of course!”

Here we are in the kitchen again. We walked all the way there in silence… I just didn’t know what to say. I felt awkward, but I don’t think they did. When we walked inside, they looked at me and smiled sweetly.
There’s a nicely written note on the counter…

“For anyone who didn’t eat lunch, there’s a share of vegetable curry and another one of chocolate mousse for you in the fridge. I hope you’ll like it~

- Jan”

“The tilde is just overkill!”
Ciel pokes their cheeks with each of their index fingers, turning to the fridge.
“Vegetable curry? Maybe I could try that…”
They look at me.
“Do you think he really used round-tipped knives to cut the vegetables? I feel like you’d have to be a brute…”
I laugh nervously.
“I think Jan has strong enough arms.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Nodding, they open the fridge, and get themselves a small share of curry, which they place in a ramekin to heat up in the microwave.
They stare at it as it turns for a few seconds… before looking at me again.
“What about you? Aren’t you hungry?”
“Ah, uuuh…”
I didn’t really think about it.
“It’s a little early. I might grab something later.”
(Ding.)
“Okay.”
They take their ramekin out of the microwave and grab a spoon from next to the sink.
“You’ll have to watch me eat, then.”
“That’s fine…”
We head back in the dining room together.

Starting to eat, they chuckle giddily.
“What’s up?”
“What? I’m just feeling the effects of some good re-heated food.”
“Right…”
I can’t pretend I’m immune to those.
“Alice was particularly hyper today because he made her favourite dessert.”
“Chocolate mousse? That’s her favourite dessert?”
“Sounds like it.”
“That’s pretty basic…”
I chuckle.
“Don’t tell her that…”
“Yeah, I’d figure.”
They take a few more bites, looking at me, before continuing.
“Did you hang out with those three, then?”
“Mostly, yeah.”
I feel a little sorry. They’re obviously so nice… it’s hard to pass up on it. But I feel like I have to be disturbing them somewhat. They’re trying to hang out together, as friends, right? They’re just polite enough to let me intrude without making it look like I am…
“...We explored the new rooms.”
“Hm-hm? I looked at the map…”
They hesitate…
“I could tell there was a music room, now.”
“Yep.”
I sigh… It’s an obvious dick move. It has to be. But I don’t want to bother Ciel with that when they’re finally coming back to talk to me.
“There’s a piano. Jan played us something.”
“He did???”
Their eyes open wide. I didn’t expect them to react so strongly.
“That’s so cool! Do you think he’ll play again sometime?”
“Uuuh, sure? You could ask him.”
They shake their head, before taking another bite.
“No, I don’t want to be annoying.”
I scratch my head through my hair.
“He’s really nice, though…”
“Yeah, I’d know! I’m eating the food he made for everyone!”
True. That doesn’t bear repeating.
They’re already done with their curry.
“Hmm…”
They’re eyeing the kitchen.
“Chocolate mousse sounds kinda nice right now…”
“Go take some, then.”
“Yeah… BRB!”
They run into the kitchen and quickly come back with another ramekin.
“Thanks for waitiiiing!”
“Sure…”
I chuckle once more. They’re looking more lively than when they knocked at my door. I’m glad…
They’ve already started eating.
“You know what… Maybe we shouldn’t shy away from admitting we like the simple things.”
“Are you referring to that mousse..?”
“Yeah… Never mind clowning on Alice, she knows what’s up.”
She always knows what’s up.
They look up from their dessert to pay attention to me again.
“You were talking about the new rooms, right? What else is there?”
“Oh, uuh…”
Aside from that obnoxious maze, I can’t think of much… but I should probably bring it up last.
“There was like, some sort of sports room? With training equipment and all that.”
“Oh, I figured that’s what it would be.”
They tilt their head, smiling.
“You gonna get ripped?”
…Become friends with a clown, they said.
Actually, no one said that.
“You first.”
“No thanks!”
They giggle.
“Anyway, what else?”
“Then there was that weird hospital room…”
“A hospital room?”
“Yeah… I didn’t like it. Akiro said it looked like a hospital in a horror game.”
“Hm.”
Ciel narrows their eyes.
“I guess that’s to be expected from these two bears… or whoever’s behind them.”
“Yeah, I guess…”
I sigh…
“Anyway, there were also four regular classrooms… except one had a secret passage.”
“A secret passage? For real?”
“It led to a ridiculously big room… I don’t even know where it could be, relative to the rest of the school!”
They look appropriately surprised.
“There was a labyrinth inside of it.”
“Did you try going through it?”
I nod.
“Yeah, it actually wasn’t so hard, just… a big waste of time.”
I can’t help but look away, thinking about how much I’ve had to see Monokuma today. It feels unfair.
“The prize at the end was just some sort of prank.”
“Oh, seriously?”
They frown, looking a little bit upset.
“What… Pff. Everything here has to be obnoxious.”
They’re done with their dessert, and they stand up right away.
“BRB.”
They go back inside the kitchen. I can hear the tap running, after which they come back here, drying their hands on their trousers.
“Wanna move?”
“Oh, sure, where do you want to go?”
They don’t look too certain.
“Outside?”
Outside? Are they crazy?
…Actually, I guess it’s not raining anymore. It only registers now, somehow. Still…
“…No, I don’t trust it.”
“Huh? Uuuuh, okay? Then…”
They scratch their neck.
“Maybe we could go to the library…”
…
If they’re fine with it, so am I.

Ciel starts talking again as we’re walking up the stairs.
“Maybe there’ll be someone in there. It’s a pretty common room.”
“I… guess that’s a possibility.”
“We’ll see how it goes.”
“Do you want to go somewhere else?”
“No...”
We’re there.
“We just have a lot to talk about, right? I just want not to get too distracted for too long.”
“Huh…”
That being said, they open the door to the library. It looks like they guessed correctly: inside, we find Oscar and Mina… again.
Oscar’s sitting on the couch with a mug in hand, while Mina’s looking through a pile of books on the table.
She is sitting on the table.
They both look at us.
“Oh, hi guys. It’s good to see you,” Ciel says as they walk into the room.
“Is it?”
She makes it sound like a genuine question.
“…Well, it’s good to see you too. Neo too, even though I already ran into you twice today.”
“Thank you..?”
“Do you want a tea?”
Oscar points to a teapot on the table, on the other end of that where Mina and her books are sitting. There are a few empty mugs scattered next to it.
“Oh, tea? Isn’t it a little late for that?”
Oscar takes a sip of his.
“…It’s tea time somewhere in the world.”
Ciel giggles.
“I like your thinking… Well, still, I think I’ll pass up on it. What about you, Neo?”
…Sure, what the hell? You’re only young once…
(That’s a joke. Drinking tea in the evening is one of the tamest things I could possibly do as a young person.)
“Sure, is it okay if I pour myself some?”
“Yes.”
“Thanks.”
I head towards the table and grab one of the clean mugs.
“Just don’t spill it.”
“…Of course.”
“Pff, can’t trust Neo with that. Always spilling tea…”
“Wh-what?”
“I’m joking.”
I appreciate that they’re in the mood to mess around.
Oh, cool, the tea’s already sweet.
“Anyway, uuh… What are you doing?”
They look at Mina.
“Nothing interesting.”
She grabs one of the books.
…I recognise it right away.
“It’s too late for it to be, at least.”
“Elaborate…”
She hands it to Ciel.
It’s Natural Order by Emily Louis.
“It’s about the last trial.”
“Ah… Ah.”
They opened the book at a random page, and their expression immediately turned neutral. They turn it around to show it to me.
The left sides of the pages have been cut out, removing the first letter of each paragraph.
“This is the book he used. It looks like he aimed for the capital letters at the start of paragraphs, you know, those that are styled bigger than the rest.”
That is something I immediately noticed in her books… at least in the one I read. The first letter of each paragraph is much bigger than the rest. It feels old-school.
“I see.”
Ciel’s voice sounds a little raw.
“If you were curious why he ran out of the letter “E”… well, that’s literally it. He ran out. For some reason, he only used that book, and there weren’t enough paragraphs starting with the letter E.”
“Huh…”
“What a weirdo.”
They place the book back next to the detective.
“Wh-what?”
For an instant, just an instant, I feel some sort of pressure on my chest. It makes me a little light-headed.
“Don’t spill it, don’t spill it, don’t spill it…”
They close their eyes.
“Nothing.”
“You’d have to be, to come up with that kind of plan.”
I don’t know how to react, but Ciel nods. When they reopen their eyes, they look at Mina again.
“So that’s what you were looking for. You don’t sound in a really good mood.”
She turns to them, not without serving me a blank glance.
“No shit.”
“Bingo, I guess.”
She turns her head again and randomly shuffles through the pages of the book she’s been holding.
“Everyone’s in a bad mood. Some are just better at hiding than others.”
…
“Ask Oscar if he’s in a good mood.”
We both turn our heads to Oscar. He’s peacefully drinking his tea, expressionless as always.
“…Are you in a good mood, Oscar?”
He takes a sip.
“I am extremely depressed.”
“Then act like it, damn it…”
Ciel shrugs.
“I get that.”
“Yep, Oscar’s in a bad mood, Ciel’s in a bad mood, Neo’s in a bad mood, Mina’s in a bad mood, everyone’s in a bad mood!”
She slams the book against the surface of the table.
I take another sip of tea… I guess I had to be included.
“I think you need to talk about it.”
“Ugh.”
She looks at the two of us again.
“Is it fine if I vent?”
“It is.”
I’m surprised that she’s even asking.
“Yes, sure.”
Ciel walks to the couch to take a seat next to Oscar.
… I think I’ll just stay where I am for now.
They look minuscule next to him.
“…I just feel bad complaining about it… because I know everyone feels bad about it. I wasn’t even directly involved with any of the victims, was I..?”
“But everyone’s sad.”
“You… were involved, though.”
“Also.”
I nod along. I was also thinking about Mina, lying down in the infirmary… there’s no doubt in my mind that she was involved in… whatever the hell happened yesterday.
Whatever the hell…
“That’s not really what’s bothering me, though.”
She sighs.
“…Listen.”
She takes the book again and places it on her lap.
For some reason, I feel compelled to take a seat at the table, not too far from her.
“Do you know why we detectives haven’t been replaced by computers?”
“Uuuuh…”
“You’d think you could feed the information to an algorithm and it would quickly find out what went on.”
“But you can’t..?”
She shakes her head.
“Someone has to find the information first. But that’s not all… Crimes are committed by humans.”
She throws her head back to stare at the ceiling.
“Basically, only a human could understand the subjectivity behind a crime, and the clues that were left behind. The reason detectives have to be human is that… we need to be subjective.”
“But you’re the Ultimate…”
She raises her head to shake it once again.
“If I weren’t subjective, then I couldn’t be the Ultimate. I’d be a weirdly robotic teenager. No… being the Ultimate Detective doesn’t mean I know everything right away. It just means I’m particularly good at the job.”
I take another sip.
…I can’t ignore how interesting that is to me anymore.
Being the Ultimate Voice Actor is, in part, to be able to do voices “perfectly”. But other Ultimates work differently.
“What are you trying to say, then?”
For a second, Mina actually looks distressed. When she opens her mouth to talk, though, she quickly gains back some conviction.
“At the end of the trial… we had to take a decision.”
…
It was particularly difficult this time.
“I won’t ask you who you voted for. That knowledge should only belong to you. But I’ll tell you what I did…”
She inhales deeply before letting out a long sigh.
“I voted for the wrong person.”
“Huh.”
I expressed my surprise before even realising it. My thoughts rush one after the other.
I hadn’t even considered this as a possibility.
The way I saw it, Mina solved the case. She led us through the trial, to the culprit… At least, the person who was designed to be it.
In my mind, if anyone had voted correctly, it was her.
She raises her head.
“Deep down, I knew I was wrong. Yeah, I just knew it. Even then, I chose to believe…”
“That’s… understandable, you know.”
Ciel’s voice is soft.
“…As a detective, I…”
She stares at the table, frowning.
“I continue to believe in the outcome I chose.”
“Ah.”
She raises her head again, and looks at all three of us in turn.
“But that’s not what happened. Andi was executed, and… and…”
She lets out another sigh… softer, this time.
“When I decided not to vote against her, I figured… There was only one way to know what would happen in that event.”
…
She doesn’t add anything to that.
The three of us don’t say anything at first.
Eventually, Ciel speaks up again.
“That’s okay.”
She silently turns to them.
“You made a choice in good conscience, and either way, it doesn’t matter, because we won.”
…
“Or did we?”
I wonder…
But I don’t know why.
“We won...”
Ciel nods.
“If it weren’t for your hard work, we wouldn’t even have reached a point where that was a possibility.”
“Pff…”
Mina stretches.
“Pff, she repeats, why be so nice to me?”
They shrug.
“I’m glad that you’re here with us.”
She doesn’t reply immediately.
When she does, she looks at all of us once again.
“I’m happy to do it for you.”
“Hm!”
I chuckle. Taking another sip out of my mug, I find myself smiling slightly. She said it so seriously… and it’s making me smile.
“Hm.”
I’m not sure what she thinks of it.
“That’s good…”
She starts to fiddle with one of her braids.
“I guess you’d be in a bad position if I became too depressed to do the work…”
“Yeah, so don’t do that!”
They put on an exaggeratedly enthusiastic tone.
“But seriously… what’s happening to us is difficult to work through. Our feelings, I mean. So for now, we need to focus on dealing with the cards we were given.”
She nods. I nod. The entire world nods.
I also sigh. It’s impossible to work through, is what it is. My thoughts are numb.
“Well, what about you? You did spend the entire day locked inside your room.”
“Hah…”
Oscar stands up, making Ciel look even more minuscule. Like a bug. Like he could stomp on them… … Why am I thinking something so weird?
He walks up to the table to pour himself another cup of tea.
“Well, I also need to vent, I guess, and I was thinking of talking to Neo, but… I don’t really mind if you two are there either.”
Mina looks at Oscar, then Ciel.
“Go ahead, then.”
Nodding, I put my mug back on the table. I’m… really interested in what they want to say.
“You’re putting me on the spot...”
They chuckle dejectedly, before looking at Oscar as he sits back next to them.
Actually, is it alright for him to drink so much sugar..?
…How do muscles work?
“And, uh, I have a lot of thoughts.”
“I think… that’s just relatable.”
“Yes.”
They close their eyes.
“I was actually curious about something, Neo.”
“Yes?”
“Did… Lois show you that hideout, after all?”
Oh… I glance at Oscar. Of course, he’s interested in that as well, and we’re not rid of it yet… But I guess it’s not a secret, is it?
“Yes, uh… She’s still in there. I actually took her place while she got lunch.”
“Oh.”
They look at me again.
“And was she… okay?”
…I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know.
“Probably.”
They start staring at the floor.
“I just feel bad for her…”
“Why?”
“I… I just didn’t like her. I was annoyed that Ben and Neo cared about her so much. I kept seeing her in a negative light. But now…”
Seeing them clench their firsts, for some reason, I feel tense.
“But now… After what he did to her… I feel bad for her. I completely trusted Ben but he hurt her!”
They shake their head intensely.
“And I feel bad for Andi too… I kept thinking she was obnoxious, but… she didn’t deserve anything bad to happen to her..!”
“But… it’s not your fault.”
I spoke up without thinking.
It’s just true… Ciel has nothing to do with anything that happened. To Andi… or Lois.
“I know…”
They sigh.
“But I still feel bad.”
“He’s right, it’s not your fault.”
I think we’re all surprised to hear Oscar intervene. Ciel turns their head to look up… and look at him.
“We are stuck in this situation, whether you want it or not. Now you have to learn to appreciate the people around you, because they could die at any moment.”
“Huh…”
Man…
“That’s rough.”
“It is.”
Just from reading his expression, devoid of emotion, I’d gather that he does not care.
But I can’t assume that that’s the case.
“Even if that’s the case, we’re going to continue to fight to make it so it doesn’t continue that way.”
Mina stands up, before jumping off the table onto a chair.
“If we have to make some mistakes along the way, that’s fine with me.”
“It is.”
Ciel shakes their head.
“I guess that can’t be helped.”
“Do you think you made a mistake by becoming friends with Benjamin?”
When she says that, my cheeks suddenly feel warm… in a very weird, itchy way. Ciel looks equally shocked.
“I… think so.”
I look at Mina—she shakes her head.
“They’re the one who made a mistake by betraying you. Besides…”
Wait… how does she know..?
She looks at the books laid on the table, behind her.
“The dead can’t speak. Don’t dismiss your feelings for them…”
She grabs one of the books.
What Drives Me.
“Not before I find all the answers.”
“All the answers..?”
She glances at me before turning to them again.
“Have you completely dismissed your friendship with Benjamin? Do you think they were completely evil, and that’s it?”
Ciel frowns.
“What do you know that I don’t?”
“Not much.”
She puts the book back down, and jumps off the chair she was standing on.
“I think I’m too tired to continue now, but…”
She takes a few steps towards the door.
“Actually, I have a question for you two. Since you were his friends.”
She chuckles.
“See? That’s coming in handy.”
“What is it..?”
She looks at the both of us one last time.
“What was Benjamin’s relationship with Andi? Were they friends? Did they hate each other?”
I open my mouth, but I have nothing to say.
It’s impossible to find an answer.
I can scour my memories as much as I want… There’s nothing noteworthy between Ben and Andi. They talked to each other… once or twice… but they never cared to talk more.
“I don’t think they paid attention to each other…”
“But still…”
Still…
“Somehow, he learned something important about her, right..?”
“Her trigger word.”
“Her trigger word…”
…
Is that… the only reason he chose her?
If that’s the case… That’s…
“Their bedrooms are open, you know.”
“What?”
“I think you two should look through Benjamin’s.”
“I… I don’t know…”
“Anyway, I’m gonna go back to my room. Oscar…”
He stands up.
“I’ll walk you there.”
“Thanks. That’s nice of you.”
She turns to the door.
“Good night. I promise I’ll tell you more if I learn more.”
Oscar walks to the end of the table to place his mug, then follows her out. He looks at me first, though.
“Don’t worry about your cup. I will clean up tomorrow.”
“Oh… okay.”
The both of them are already out.
“Uh… thanks.”
“Pff…”
I turn my head to Ciel. They stretch, before lying down on the couch.
I remember… Ben always sat there.
“What do you think, Neo? Do you remember Ben as your friend?”
…
I’ve tried not to think about it too much, and yet, it keeps creeping up on me, so…
“Yeah. But… No. And I hate him.”
“Hm.”
They look at the ceiling.
“I can’t forgive him. Probably because he’s my friend.”
I don’t know what else to say.
We fall silent.
We stay that way for a while.
This keeps happening today.
It’s probably not a bad thing. I stand up to place my mug next to Oscar’s, and I go sit at the end of the couch. Ciel straightens their back against its arm to make some room for me, but we still don’t say anything.
It’s a little different when it’s with them.
They’re the person I want to be friends with the most.
I look at them, and they look at me. I know we’re comfortable with one another…
I don’t remember
I just don’t think I’ve had a true friend like that before.
Ultimately, they’re the first person I feel comfortable asking this to. I know it’s silly, because it should be literally everyone else, but I feel so dumb for doing this so late and… I think… I’m okay with Ciel judging me.
“I meant to ask you something, actually…”
“Yes?”
…I’m a little embarrassed, though. It feels so awkward. All that because I was such an idiot.
“I just wanted to check… with you, if you’re still fine with me using “they” to talk about you, or if anything has changed.”
They immediately look confused, and I grimace… but they quickly start smiling.
“Oooo, pronouns check!”
“Uuuh, y-yeah?”
Is that actually a thing? I wouldn’t even know. I just assumed things on my own and thought I had it all down.
“I’m… actually really happy that you asked that.”
“Really?”
I had no idea…
They nod.
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I’ll tell you more when I’m sure. Don’t worry about it for now, okay?”
“Oh… okay!”
It wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe I should go out of my way to check with more people, now that I know… that I’m full of shit.
“What about you?”
“What? Oh, uh, “he” is fine.”
“You just made it sound like you’re talking about another person.”
“Wh-what?”
They chuckle.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Okay…”
Once again, we fall silent. This time, though, it feels a little more awkward. Like we’re both searching for something to say.
Suddenly, I remember…
“Oh, there’s something I wanted to look for.”
“Ah? What is it?”
“It’s, uuuh…”
I guess I’m not sure what it’s called. I start tugging on my own cheek.
“You know, insulating foam?”
“Huh? What do you need that for?”
Oh crap, I should totally have expected that question. But I didn’t. Now that I think about it, how random is that?! Akiro, why are you like that, and why did I agree?
“To do… uuuuh… some insulation?”
“Uh-huh.”
They’re not convinced.
“I wonder why.”
“It’s for Lois…”
“... Somehow this explains it.”
They’re disabused, but convinced.
“How so?!”
“Where do you plan on finding that? The storage room?”
They ignored my question…
“…Where else?”
“That’s what I’m wondering.”
They shake their head as they stand up.
“Let’s go take a look, then.”
“Yeah!”
I stand up as well, and we walk out of the library. They yawn.
“I’m a little bit tired, though, so I’ll go to bed when we’re done.”
“Oh, okay.”

We made our way to the storage room.
“Ah, it was… cleaned up.”
“Yep…”
Insulating foam… Where am I going to find this? It’s not like I know how this room is organised…
“I’ll help you look.”
They probably realised the same thing I did…
“Thanks.”
I crouch, and start looking in some boxes at the bottom of the shelf.
Do I even believe that I’ll find that in there? If we assume that Monokuma only left stuff that we may need at our disposal, there’s no reason to think he’d have put insulation products in here. The only reason I believe in it is what Lois told me… that if I wanted it to be there, then it could be.
And I do want it to be there, so…
…
…
“Oh, here it is.”
I found it almost right away…
“Seriously?!”
“Yeah, look.”
I hand them the can. I can’t blame them for not believing me. I’m also struggling to believe how quickly I found that. It was in the first box I opened… What’s the probability of that?
They read the label.
“Insulating foam. Contains a lot of foam. Warning: do not breathe in oh my God please do not breathe in I swear to God don’t you would choke.”
That’s… fortunate.
“Why is the warning in Times New Roman?”
“Why… would I know that?”
They shake their head, handing the can back to me.
“Well, here’s your can of poison. Just… don’t use it on someone.”
How can they say that so seriously..?
“That’s not the plan…”
“I’m not sure I want to know what the plan is.”
“Uuuuh… I can tell you later…”
“So I can prepare myself mentally?”
I laugh nervously.
“Maybe.”
Though mostly because I’m already lucky Lois didn’t end my life after hearing me straight-up ask three people for help with my plan about her secret room.
“Anyway… I guess that means I get to go to bed early.”
“Oh, right.”
I close the box I’d been looking through, keeping the can with me, before heading out.
“Let’s go, then!”
We don’t encounter anyone on our way down. When we reach the first floor, seeing the dining room, I realise that I didn’t eat anything—but…
…I don’t want Ciel to have to walk to their room on their own, and they probably won’t want to wait for me. I’ll just walk them there, and if I’m too lazy to go back, well, too bad.
Once we’re outside, they start talking again.
“Honestly, I needed a mental break, but I ended up spending the last half of the day feeling lonely.”
“Oh…”
I look at them. They’re smiling… softly.
“It… really warms my heart that you’re always here for me.”
“Huh? Really?”
I immediately get flustered.
“But, I’m not really doing anything…”
“Come on. You’re here. And you’re always looking out for me… That’s plenty.”
They shrug, letting out a sigh, as we enter the dormitory.
“You even care about my gender identity, isn’t that wild?”
“It’s… nothing…”
…They don’t need to know. They don’t need to be disappointed again, right..? I can act like that cool friend who knows what he’s talking about, if that’s what they want…
They chuckle.
“Well, if you need anything, you can always talk to me, okay? … Even if it’s looking for the most random item I could possibly imagine.”
“Damn…”
“Sorry, sorry! I mean it, though…”
“Don’t worry.”
I laugh, and scratch the back of my head.
“I was just thinking that just having you be there with me is enough.”
“That’s so sweet!”
We’ve walked up to their door. They take their handbook out of their pocket.
“…Stay safe, okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
Ciel’s always so nice. They fill me with positive feelings.
I want them to be safe. I want everyone to be safe. I want Lois to be safe, Mina and Oscar to be safe, Alice, Akiro and Jan to be safe… Chris. Chloe and her weird friend. Even Keith… My heart screams “be safe!” at them.
“See you tomorrow. I won’t brood inside my room all day this time…”
“That’s good to hear..! Good night, then.”
“Good night!”
They head inside their room and smile to me before locking the door behind them.
I quickly turn to head inside of mine. Turns out… I’d rather not go back to the dining room on my own. Too bad.
Walking in, I’m thinking that I have many things to think about…
…
But my mind ends up feeling empty up until I go to bed.
I try to get myself to focus on one of my issues here…
Andi… no, that’s too sad. Ben… no, that’s too confusing. Chris? She was cool today…
…
Nothing again.
Keith…
…
No, nothing.
I feel tired.
Maybe that’s what being at my wit’s end feels like, but I still have to continue living here… for God knows how long.
…
…
…
“Hello? Hello? This is the morning announcement! YOU HEAR ME? WAKE UP, YOU BASTARDS! Anyway, that’s not all. Listen to me. I SAID WAKE UP! Listen to me. You’re going to come to the gym at noon. Get it? In the gym! At noon! And if not, then you’ll know what happens after death. See ya!”
Right… I fell asleep…
…
Noon, in the gym… Noon, in the gym… Noon, in the gym…
…
…
…
“The dead caaaaaan’t speaaaak!”
…
…
…
“What? What?”
What time is it? How long did I sleep? Did I dream the morning announcement? When are we???
Panicking, I grab my handbook on my nightstand. My vision still blurry, I struggle to see the time…
…11AM.
“Phew…”
I let myself fall back on the mattress. Did I really sleep for that long..? How did that announcement not wake me up for good?
Pff…
Well… All that’s left is to get up for another day.

I got ready in a rush, not even sure why I was rushing. A few minutes after waking up, I was already ready…
For what?
Monokuma told us to go to the gym at noon… It’s too late to eat breakfast, isn’t it? I’d rather enjoy a good lunch when it’s ready…
So why did I get ready?
…
After standing aimlessly in my room for about a minute, I finally think of somewhere I can go.
I climb up the bedframe and grab the trapdoor to hoist myself up.
“Wooo, here you are finally. I thought you’d forgotten about me.”
Once again, Lois had been sitting alone in the dark, doing nothing.
“Wha-at? Never..!”
She laughs, for some reason.
“Bet.”
“What..?”
“Forget it.”
Thanks to the light emitting from my room, I can see her shake her head.
“What brings you here this time?”
“Monokuma’s announcement said to go to the gym at noon.”
It must have been all that occupied my head, because I answer in a snap.
“I know.”
“...What are you gonna do?”
I try to look at her, but her traits are hard to distinguish. I think she looks back at me.
“Do you think I’m above the rules?”
“No, obviously…”
She shrugs.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll head there last, and leave first, is all.”
“W-will that be enough?”
“Since everyone has to go, by all means it should.”
“Huh…”
I’ve got nothing to argue with that. I guess it’s fine, then… I have nothing else to say.
…
She’s the one to break the silence.
“So, did you find it?”
“What?”
“Your foam.”
“Oh, right!”
I slap my pockets, like I’m searching for it. It’s a weird reflex, because not only would it not fit in my pockets, but I also know for a fact that I didn’t bring it with me.
“I actually found it right away… I’ll show you if you want…”
Realising that I’m moving my arms hectically, I force myself to tone it down. My speech could do with being a little slower as well.
“…Like you said, if we go ham with it, I seriously think we could make it work.”
She nods once again.
“I guess I’d have a hard time justifying it, but I can see it working.”
“Yeah..!”
I can’t help but feel a little giddy that she believes in my plan. Just to hear her speak positively about it makes me feel like everything in the whole world is going smoothly.
We fall silent again, though.
I don’t know what she’d like to talk about…
I find myself wondering what to do again. How do I use the time before going to the gym..?
Looking at all the traps doors on the floor, I suddenly get an idea.
“Where’s the door to Ben’s room?”
“Benjamin’s..?”
She sounds surprised. I feel slightly embarrassed for asking such a random question without warning.
“Right there… Not the first one, the second.”
She gives me instructions, though, and trying to follow them, I walk to one of the hatches.
“This one?”
“Yes.”
“Ah…”
I kneel next to it.
…What am I doing?
I mean, I know what I want to do…
Yet again, it’s a decision influenced by something the Ultimate Detective said.
…But Lois probably has no idea.
“Is it okay if I go take a look inside?”
She doesn’t reply immediately.
“...I’m not your boss,” she finally says.
I sigh. She sounds dissatisfied… still, she’s right. I have no reason to ask for her permission…
I open it and climb down.
It’s only once I’m inside that I realise how weird it is. Out of habit, I expected to end up in my room by the end of this manoeuvre; but despite the similarities, it clearly feels like someone else’s.

For as long as he was here, this was Benjamin’s space.

Mina advised Ciel and I to come here. There has to be a reason… something that we should be able to find.
Looking around me, I see nothing out of the ordinary. The bed isn’t made. There are some torn clothes in a pile next to the wardrobe… he unmistakably tried to rip the purple overshirt off of the yellow t-shirt, and failed.
Andi was the first one to point out how ridiculous his clothes look… I remembered that yesterday evening.
But I can’t imagine that it has anything to do with anything that happened.
Growing uneasy, I make my way towards the desk, next to the bed. That’s when I realise…
The notebook, placed in the middle of it, has writing in black marker on it that says:

“BENJAMIN’S DIARY”

This has to be it.
Even without Mina’s suggestion, I would have grabbed it and opened it.
As I do, my heart feels heavy. I suddenly wonder if I really want to understand what went through his mind, or if I’d feel better ignoring it…
But I refuse to back down from this.

It’s a little overwhelming at first. I don’t know what I expected.
Many pages are written normally. I don’t feel like reading them fully, but glancing at them, they look like summaries of what we… and Ben have been through in this place. If I had to point something out… it would be that he wrote down a lot of questions.
Some of them only have a few words scattered around the page, maybe a question or two, and some doodles.
A lot of them are drawings of cats…
There is one page that stands out.
It looks like he drew a fake profile, like some sort of curriculum vitae but more akin to a page you’d put on a personal blog online. He drew a doodle-y rendition of himself in a box on the right… I can’t help but notice that he represented himself smiling. Every time he did, it felt almost like a joke…
In the first box on the left, he indicated some basic info.



“Uuuuuhm…”
I start sweating. The dead can’t speak, the dead can’t see… That should reassure me, right?
…Still, I wish he could still be alive, walk up on me and get mad.
There are so many reasons I wish he weren’t gone. Not all are positive… but all of them are real.
I shake my head. Let’s read the rest…
More information is written in a box underneath. It starts off normally, but gets more hectic as it goes.



…
“Then why?”
I don’t think this helped. I don’t think I learned anything from it…
Could Mina have just been referring to his pronouns? There’s no doubt that she read this. That’s how she knew. She probably couldn’t have guessed that Lois told me about it…
I sincerely don’t know how to feel. I’m not going to read the whole thing, am I? It looks like he used it a lot. I skip to the latest page he wrote.
It says…



I feel cold.
Once again I… wonder if I truly learnt anything from what I read. Still, my curiosity pushes me to turn the pages to read previous entries, but… none of them have to do with this.
On one page, I find two summaries of Emily Louis’ books… I don’t want them to be spoiled to me by this asshole, though, seriously.
I look at the page before instead, but it’s a bunch of random thoughts written one after the other. One of them mentions…
Did I read that right?

[…] is so cute, though…

“Seriously?!”
I don’t know why I reacted so strongly.
“Everything alright..?”
“Huuuuh..!”
I jump in surprise. Lois is poking her head through the opening in the ceiling.
“Uh, yes, sorry!”
I’m embarrassed, yet again. Out of everything I read, this was what surprised me…
She looks a little concerned.
“...Learn anything interesting?”
“Not really…”
I glance at the notebook in my hands again. I feel like it’s annoying me more than anything… I end up putting it back where I found it.
“I learned that he was bi.”
“...Riveting.”
I hope she understands that I purposefully chose something light-hearted…
“Are you done here?”
“I uh, I guess so…”
“Then maybe you should get moving.”
She removes herself from the opening before I can react.
“Oh, uh…”
I take my handbook out of my pocket to look at the time. It’s past 11:30. She’s right… It’s about time I move.
I glance at the ceiling. Just hoisting myself back up there might take anywhere between 1 and 10 minutes…
Truth be told, I look pretty disgraceful doing it, but I still have to. I climb up and eventually find myself in the secret passageway again, where I close the hatch behind me.
“Do you want to try to get rid of this this afternoon?”
“Hm?”
“We could try your… mostly Akiro’s idea this afternoon.”
“Oh, right!”
“At least… If nothing happens before then.”
…
“Yes.”
If there’s one thing I know about her… It’s that she’s not particularly optimistic.
I don’t think there’s anything else I can say, so I make my way back to my own room, closing the trap door behind me.
I leave it right away, going through the normal door like a normal person.
To my surprise… I bump into someone.
“Owch!”
“Oh, sorry..!”
…What was she doing, loitering in front of my door?
Chloe’s not alone. Chris and Isabella are standing a little farther away in the dormitory.
“Why did you do this, Neo?”
“Wh-what?”
I turn my attention back to the Ultimate Gardener. She looks at me with a sad expression.
“Why would you hit me? I don’t understand…”
“I… what?”
Did I fall asleep again? Is this all a nightmare?
“…Just kidding.”
She smiles softly.
“What?!”
“Is that the only word you know?”
As Isabella makes a bored-sounding remark, Chloe places a strand of her hair behind her ear nervously.
“I guess I really got you…”
“Uuuh, yeah…”
I’m starting to feel like I can’t trust anything I know about anyone anymore.
Maybe it’ll turn out that Lois was super optimistic all along.
“Anyway, good morning, Neo… You coming to the gym with us?”
I take a last glance at Chloe before turning my attention to Chris… damn her shy smile. I’m pretty credulous to begin with, but it’s always worse when it comes from someone you never expected to prank you.
“It looks like I am, huh?”
I then look around the hallway. It’s only the four of us, but I’m already a bit surprised to have run into them at all.
“Are you guys just leaving your rooms too..?”
“No, we came to pick up Isabella…”
“Oh… …Wait.”
I guess I hadn’t really paid attention to her yet. Isabella’s standing next to Chris, with her arms crossed, not looking at anyone in particular. Her expression’s hard to read, but she looks somewhat annoyed.
“Wouldn’t you… usually be in front of that room, upstairs..?”
“I had a change of heart,” she replies without looking at me.
“Oh…”
Huh…
Chloe whispers in my ear.
“I don’t get it either, but it’s better this way…”
“I can see you, you know.”
“Hahahaaa!”
Chloe jerks away from me.
Pff… I look at her and can’t help but chuckle.
“I’m fine with it this way. Let’s go.”
When I turn to look at Chris, she’s gesturing to the door with her chin, before walking out. Isabella follows her without comment, and so does Chloe. I end up closing the march.
I take one last glance towards where the opening from the hideout to the hall should be, but I can’t place it just like this.
“Was she listening in this time too..?”
…
Whatever. I catch up with the girls.
Chris is still leading the march. I walk up to her.
“Hey… You look in a worse mood than yesterday.”
I hope that’s not inappropriate to say. I’m interested in how she’s doing.
“Really? No, I’m… fine.”
She sighs, looking straight ahead.
“Can’t help that I don’t trust what’s going to happen right now, though.”
“...Yeah, I get it.”
I take on looking ahead as well.
I might have been avoiding thinking about it.
“It’s going to be one of those “motives”… right?”
“Yeah… it checks out.”
“But…”
Chloe hesitates. She’s walking a little behind us, and I turn to look at her.
“Obviously, they’re excruciating to go through, but… these are not that important, are they?”
“Are you crazy?”
Chris suddenly comes to a full stop. We’re all forced to imitate her.
“…Sorry.”
She turns to look at her as well.
“You just can’t say that the first “motive”… didn’t…”
“Ah…”
Chloe gets flustered. She turns to Isabella and Chris in turn multiple times, searching her words.
“I meant… I mean… I’m… Uh… You know… I’m sorry…”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Passing her hand through one of her twintails, Isabella interrupts her.
“Right..! Sorry… I’m really sorry…”
Oh boy, this doesn’t feel good… It went downhill real quick. Yet, when Chloe started speaking, I felt like I understood what she meant.
Maybe I should help her out…
“Still, there’s a chance we could ignore it, right?”
Isabella doesn’t react, but Chris looks uneasy.
“Y-yes… I meant… Because… Because even though something happened… It didn’t have to do with the motive, this time.”
“You’re right.”
“Ah..?”
The Ultimate Gymnast’s expression doesn’t change, but her voice does. She speaks with more conviction than before… I can tell.
“We simply have no idea what the bears have in store this time. There’s no use being pessimistic.”
She turns around and starts to walk again.
“We now know that anything can happen. There’s no use comparing it to what already did.”
I guess we’re trying to reassure ourselves.
…
We all follow her and eventually end up inside the gymnasium.
It looks like we’re the last ones here… excluding Lois.
…
A dark teal blur runs at me.
“Neooooo! What happened?!”
Ciel appears in front of me and grabs my forearms to shake them, while the girls I entered with continue walking to the side of the gym.
“W-what happened? Did something happen?”
They let go, and I let my arms fall back on either side of my body. They show me their most disabused stare.
“Why’d you stay in your room all morning?”
“I, uh…”
Crap. Now that I think about it, it was unusual… They must have been worried.
“I just slept a lot for some reason.”
I laugh nervously.
“Seriously? But I even made an effort to wake up early!”
“Sorry…”
Shaking their head, they grab one of my arms this time to lead me farther inside the room.
“Man… Don’t you think I’m already worried enough as it is?”
They continue without giving me time to reply.
“I wish I could say “no” to them forever and impose that rule on everyone somehow.”
They don’t clarify what they’re talking about, but I know…
…I’m distracted by the sound of heeled boots, coming from behind me.
When Lois passes through the door…
“Upu… puuuu…”
…Monokuma’s depressed persona makes a comeback… Falling from the ceiling in front of me.
He lies down on the floor.
We’re all here…
And no one says anything.
Until he speaks up again.
“Thanks for coming… I guess…”
“What do you want from us this time?”
“Pff…”
He turns on himself to lie on his belly. Seeing him move vaguely in my direction, I take a few steps back, which Ciel imitates.
“Nothing… I guess…”
“Then we can go.”
“I didn’t say that…”
“Just spit it out, then..!”
Alice, Akiro and Jan are standing not too far from us. The frustration in her voice is too obvious…
“Why is no one ever patient with me..? It makes me even sadder…”
“Because we hate you.”
That came from the heart.
…It seems to satisfy him, since he promptly gets up again.
“Oh, so that’s why. Uuupuupuuu…”
Monokuma claps its paws, but it doesn’t emit a sound.
“Here’s why I brought you all here! …My sweet summer child just wanted to talk to you guys!”
“Your what?”
“You know…”
Suddenly, Kumakuma too falls from the ceiling, landing right on his… on Monokuma’s head.
“…him,” he finishes, seemingly unbothered.
“Wh-where are they coming from..?”
“If only we knew…”
“And what does this thing want?”
“You don’t have to be mean like that…”
“..!”
Chris gasps.
Wait, no… I gasp.
My head starts turning.
Why? Why did this have to happen?
“St… stop…”
“Stop what? How about you stop?”
The thing turns to Ciel, who immediately takes another step backwards.
“No…”
“Why not?”
It takes a step towards them.
I’m
too shocked…
“Why would I have to stop being who I am?”
It spins on itself to look at everyone standing around the room.
“Most importantly, why would I take this immediate verbal abuse?”
“You jerk…”
Even Lois sounds frustrated.
I
can't react right now…
I look at everyone, and…
They all look frustrated…
Only one person has a different expression… One that is harder to read.
Keith.
“Do you think you’re above the rules, Ms. Davids?”
“There… There isn’t a rule against talking back to you!”
Kumakuma slowly turns to Akiro.
…Creepily…
“What’d you say, you little shit?”
Akiro clenches his fists. His face turns bright red, but he keeps his eyes on the plush bear.
“I said… I said…”
He’s unable to finish this sentence, however.
An overbearing buzzing noise interrupts him. It hurts my ears… and it gets closer and closer…
Until it reaches the gymnasium.
An extremely large metal machine enters by…
Phasing through the wall?
“What’s happening?!”
I can’t even stop to wonder how it could be. I stare in horror as the machine… a giant, flying mechanical wasp entirely made out of metal flies towards me.
Kumakuma jumps and somehow ends up right on top of it.
“Stop this..!”
“Stop what?”
The bear speaks extremely loudly, without having to strain its… its voice, to be heard over the ridiculous buzzing noise.
“How about I come up with a new rule?”
“Wh-what?”
“Yeah. Can’t talk back to me, huh?”
“W-w-wait! My child. My sweet. My own flesh. Or plush. I don’t know.”
Somehow standing right underneath the machine, Monokuma speaks equally loudly to grab the other bear’s attention.
“Yes?”
“You can’t make it a rule that students can’t talk badly to us. That’d take away from 90% of our dialogue with the protagonist.”
…
I really wish I could move.
“Okay, then… HOW’S THAT FOR A RULE?” Kumakuma exclaims.
As he does, a loud “CLAC” echoes through the gym, and the sides of the wasp open themselves to reveal gigantic, sharp weapons.
“KUMAKUMA DOES WHATEVER HE WANTS!”
“Yeah, that’s fair.”
“Thanks, daddy.”
“N-no, that’s not fair at all!”
“For sure it is!”
Kumakuma moves its arm in Alice’s direction, and a spinning blade moves in her direction, though it stops a long way before reaching her.
“Stop!”
“For sure I won’t! I can do whatever I want!”
It moves its other arm, and this time a long sword extends itself towards Chris, Chloe and Isabella.
“Fuck..!”
This time again, though, it stops early.
“That’s enough!”
“For sure it isn’t! I can do whatever I want, for however long I want!”
The weapons snap back inside the giant wasp’s body.
“So if I want to get rid of…”
Instead of finishing its sentence, the plush bear kneels to take a hold of the machine underneath it. The entire thing turns around unbelievably fast, and…
It aims its stinger, giant and sharp, directly at…
It thrusts its back violently towards…
…

It happens so fast, but I suddenly start seeing everything in slow motion.

The stinger aims right for Akiro’s chest.

It doesn’t stop midway through this time.

It gets close, when
Fast even in slow motion, Jan pushes him back and takes the hit instead.

The scene becomes even slower, and slower, and slower.
I can see the sharp weapon as it goes through the fabric of his shirt…

No, I can’t do this. I can’t look at it, I can’t do it anymore.
I turn my head violently, trying to look at anyone else in the room, but time is moving so slowly, it looks almost as though no one is moving at all.
There is only one person who moves when I look at her…
Lois turns her head at normal speed to stare at me.
And when she does, everything abruptly becomes normal again.

“AAAAAAAH!”
I find myself screaming. It’s like I’m suddenly in control of my body and my head again, and I reflexively turn the latter to look in the direction of… that… again.
Akiro falls.
The stinger passes through Jan’s shirt…
…
And surprisingly, it aims upwards, only tearing up its front.
“Oh, seriously!”
The remains of the shirt fall behind him…

But it doesn’t stop there.

I don’t understand why, but as the stinger moves upwards, Jan moves along with it.
He is being lifted in the air by his neck, by something stuck to the stinger.
It doesn’t happen in slow motion this time.
It’s too fast for me to even comprehend.
He’s being lifted up by the giant machine, when suddenly something snaps.

And he falls onto the ground, on his back.

“JAN!”
Akiro jumps up to run to him, but he’s not the only one. Every single person in the room runs in his direction.
“Pff, what a drama queen!”
On the right on my field of view, I can see Kumakuma and its giant flying machine backing away from our group, but I can’t focus on those.
Before any one of us can reach them, before even Alice can kneel next to him, Akiro’s kneeling on top of Jan and grabbing him.
“You’re… you’re…”
“Is he alive?”
What a
What a horrible question
But
Seeing Jan blink, I let out a heavy sigh of relief.
That’s the only way I can tell he’s fine—Akiro holds him so closely, I couldn’t see his chest moving.
“Yes… Damn it…”
“What was that snap?! Jan, are you hurt?!”
She touches his arm, but Akiro holds him even tighter.
“You need to let go of him. He needs space to breathe.”
“I can’t..!”
“Jan, talk to me!”
“Where…”
My heart’s beating so fast. I sigh once again, relieved to hear his voice.
He’s blinking, but his eyes are staring into the void. His voice isn’t strained, but it’s devoid of emotion.
He’s undoubtedly in shock. He doesn’t make any effort to move.
“Where is it?”
“What?”
He blinks multiple times, but he can’t seem to gain back focus.
“Akiro…”
“Wh-what?”
Suddenly, the Ultimate Writer gasps.
“Oh, I see..!”
Without loosening his grip onto the pianist, he looks left and right, and stops his gaze on something across from them, on the floor… I can’t see what it is…
“Right here!”
“This?”
Chris crouches to grab it. When she stands up again, I can see that she’s holding some sort of small chain…
Wait, could it be?
Was this what the stinger got stuck onto? Could it be a necklace he was wearing?
“Yes!”
As Chris gets close to the three to hand the chain over, I notice that she’s trembling. Confused, Alice takes it and brings it close to Jan’s face.
“It looks broken, though…”
“No…”
He turns his head to look at it, and leaning over to keep a good look on his face, I can see him blinking. If I had to guess, he’s struggling to focus on what he’s seeing.
“Maybe you should let go of him.”
…Akiro hangs on tighter instead.
Finally, Jan gasps.
He takes a deep breath, and not without reassuring me further… speaks in a lower, but more expressive voice.
“Oh, it’s broken.”
“You, you sound a little better.”
“I’m…”
He turns his head, and is forced to move it backwards slightly, his face way too close to Akiro’s.
“What’s happening?”
“Don’t worry, you’re fine.”
“You, you should really let go of him…”
Akiro swallows his spit and inhales deeply.
“N-no! I refuse!”
He places his head on Jan’s shoulder, to look more like he’s hugging him than holding him by force.
“I’m, uh… I’m never letting go of him after this!”
“W-wait, Jan, what do you prefer?”
I try to get a good look of his reaction, but… he doesn’t react at all.
“He’s obviously in too much shock to know!”
“I’m, I’m in shock!”
… No one knows what else to say.
I can’t say I know what to think.
It’s probably an overreaction from Akiro, but… it’s normal to overreact in this situation, right?
He moves himself to be right in front of Jan, even though he was already all over him...
That’s when suddenly, someone next to me lets out a small gasp.
Curious, I turn to see Ciel tugging on their lower lip. They notice me, and with a nervous expression, look back at me.
They appear to hesitate before saying something.
“Oh, uh, sorry Neo, I think I…”
As the sentence goes, they make their voice louder and louder. It sounds like an effect of stress, but…
…Why does it sound like they’re going out of their way to do it?
“I think I’m… going to have to leave the room for now.”
“Why..?”
My voice, on the contrary, is much too quiet.
“It’s uh... Embarrassing, but…”
They glance in Jan's direction and speak faster and faster.
It feels like they’re acutely aware that everyone is listening.
“I’m, uh… It’s a very personal thing, I’m sorry, it can’t be controlled, but I’m very uncomfortable around shirtless people…”
“What?”
Isabella’s reaction is almost one of disgust. When I echo her question, my voice is softer… I’m just confused.
“What?”
“I know, I’m super embarrassed to say it, but uh…”
They eye Jan once more, then the door.
“I can just leave, you don’t have to pay attention to me..!”
They hesitate, before taking a few steps towards the door…
“Wait… Can you leave?”
“Hm?”
Mina points to the other side of the gymnasium. The metal wasp is on the floor, with Kumakuma standing on top of it, its back turned to us. Monokuma, however, is standing next to it, looking right at us.
“We’re not exactly done, no. Then again, I don’t mind punishing one of you for real…”
“Oh no…”
“But, you’ll probably be okay, you can… you can just not look at him if you want…”
“B-but still…”
They turn a panicked look to me, but what am I supposed to do..? As if this weren’t already confusing enough..!
“Is this really that important right now?!”
“I just, I just wanted to leave, I didn’t mean to…”
“Well, listen…”
Keith, standing not too far behind the trio, sighs.
“If Jan’s okay with it, maybe we could cover him up.”
Ciel reacts extremely fast.
“Oh, yeah, that would be perfect!”
They turn to me again.
“Neo, how about you lend him your overshirt? You guys are about the same height, right? It should be fine!”
“Wh-what? Seriously?”
This is going all over the place. Bewildered, I turn to look at Jan, but instead see Akiro, his head turned to Ciel, looking incredulous. He might have been looking at him this way for a while…
But he gasps.
“Y-yeah, we could do that!”
“O-okay?”
Akiro continues.
His voice gets higher pitched… But it feels more natural than when Ciel did it.
“Let’s just get this over with!”
“Yes, I’m sorry…”
They turn to me again. Actually, a lot of people look at me.
I’m too confused to question it. I remove my shirt and hand it to Ciel without thinking.
He walks up to Akiro, who quickly moves his arm to grab it and dresses Jan up with it.
Somehow, Jan hasn’t reacted or tried to move once in this entire exchange.
… I can’t help but notice that my shirt fits him a little differently.
… … I guess the fact that I can think that is proof that I’m somewhat calming down.
Having put the shirt on him, Akiro backs up a little, letting out a sigh.
“Hm.”
“Ah, uh..!”
He gets flustered and hugs him again.
“W-wait, I said I wouldn’t let go of you now!”
“…Let go of me. You’re sweaty.”
“Hmpf.”
For some reason, this convinces him, though, and he backs away to simply kneel in front of him.
“God damn it… Jan, are you feeling alright?”
“I don’t know…”
He extends his hand towards Alice, who looks confused at first, but quickly realises what he wants; she hands him his chain.
“I’m sad.”
Hearing him say it, I can’t help but share his sadness. Even though… I didn’t even know he was wearing this necklace in the first place.
“I’m sorry…”
It looks like Akiro has calmed down. His voice becomes a lot softer. Jan, on the other hand, seems in better enough condition to look straight at him.
“Shut up. You’re my only reason to be happy right now.”
…
… …
… … …
Of course, Akiro blushes.
“Jeez!”
“What?”
Jan frowns and…
…
… …
… … …
HE BLUSHES TOO?
“OKAY! CUT! CUT!”
Damn it! We can’t help but turn our attention to the loud bear.
“Damn…”
“You have officially upset my child!”
“We have what your what now.”
Kumakuma hasn’t changed positions since I last looked at it… but suddenly, the wasp starts flying again.
A wave of fear traverses my body.
“No, it’s fine… I get it… You guys really won’t let me be the centre of attention, huh… Okay.”
Its machine starts moving… … but instead of going in our direction, it goes through the wall and leaves.
…
Kumakuma does not go through the wall. It hits it and falls to the floor in a loud crashing sound.
“God damn it!”
It runs out the door without looking at us.
“…Hm.”
Monokuma had been looking at it, but he turns his attention back to us.
“Anyway, how about you keep some drama within your hearts for tonight?”
“Why?”
“Hmm… Sounds like I’m gonna have to take care of it. Come to the auditorium tonight at 6, or I’ll kill Jan.”
“Huh? Why Jan?!”
“I dunno, y’all seemed pretty upset about that prospect. Anyway, see ya.”
Boing, boing, boing. Monokuma follows the white bear out.
“Then… What was that for..?”
He musn’t have been too far away, because he pokes his head back through the door.
“Because Kumakuma wanted to introduce himself to you again before you hurt his feelings!”
He disappears once again.
“Seriously? What a load of shit!”
“Either way, it sounds like we’re done here.”
I hadn’t heard her voice in a while.
I turn to look at Lois. She looks upset, but she starts to leave.
“See you again tonight.”
No one stops her.
…
“What are you guys gonna do?”
Ciel’s looking at Jan. Alice taps his shoulder delicately.
“Let’s take a rest somewhere. What do you think?”
He closes his eyes.
“…Yes.”
“I guess it’s really just time to disperse…”
“Wait…”
Jan opens his eyes again, looking distressed.
“Who’s gonna make lunch..?”
“Literallynoonecaresaboutthatrightnow!!!”
“Ah.”
I’m simply observing…
When Ciel grabs my hand. And when I turn to look at them, they start to lead me out of the gym.

They lead me outside, and walk for a little bit before stopping in front of a bench. The let go of my hand and sit.
“I never want to go inside that gym ever again…”
I look back at the main building. I definitely understand that sentiment… And I’m afraid of feeling that way towards the auditorium too very soon.
I sit next to them, and I hesitate a little bit, but I have to ask…
“What was that… about the shirtless thing?”
“Uuuuh…”
They look seriously uncomfortable. I immediately regret asking, but it’s too late now.
“I didn’t know you’d be that uncomfortable about… other people’s nudity.”
They scratch their cheek, looking at me, before looking around, as if to check that nobody else is around.
“Don’t tell this to anyone, okay?”
They sigh.
“Actually… It was a lie.”
“No shit.”
Now that’s an instant regret. Oops. They blush.
“Well, I, I tried my best, okay?!”
I chuckle nervously. I don’t know how I even have it left within me to chuckle by this point.
“It’s fine, I’m sure the others didn’t notice… But, uh…”
I might be staring a little too intensely.
“Why did you lie anyway..?”
They lower their eyes.
“I got an idea, and… I think I was right…”
They hesitate before continuing.
“I’m telling you, but… it’s a secret, okay?”
I nod.
“I thought Akiro’s behaviour was a little weird. He grabbed him before even checking if he was okay. He refused to let go of him even though people were telling him Jan needed him to. I mean, it could have been what he said, but…”
They look in another direction.
“I don’t know Akiro that well, but I feel like if you told him Jan needed something, he’d do it right away, you know?”
“…Yeah.”
For the same reason it didn’t surprise me that he’d want to hold him so badly, that theory makes sense to me.
“So, uh, I got an idea. I guess I just imagined myself in Jan’s place, and…”
They try to look at me again, but their gaze falls to the bench.
“If something suddenly forced me to be shirtless, I’d like someone to cover me up.”
It takes a couple seconds to hit me.
“But that’s because you’re…”
“Dysphoric, yeah.”
They throw their chin upwards to stare at the sky… at least, the imitation that’s above from us.
“I don’t know if it was misplaced empathy on my part, but for some reason, it looks like I was right.”
“Do you think so?”
They nod, looking at me again.
“If I’d been wrong, I’m pretty sure Akiro would have kindly asked me to eat shit…”
Somehow again, I chuckle.
“Besides, you make fun of me, but it sounded pretty obvious to me he was lying.”
“…Really?”
“Yeah, well… He wasn’t pretending to panic, that’s for sure, but what he said… especially once he put your t-shirt on Jan. He backed himself up at first and then remembered he was pretending not to want to let go.”
“Huh…”
It sounds like they have it all down. I can hear some differences in people’s voices, but that doesn’t give me a fool proof ability to tell whether or not someone’s lying. Since Akiro was actually panicking, I assumed everything he said was a result of that was the truth.
“…As for Jan himself, he might actually just have been in shock. But he only asked him to back off once he had the shirt on, so it’s really a possibility.”
“Yeah, I… I see it.”
They nod, before looking away again.
“Well… Since they tried so hard to hide it, it’s probably more polite of us not to try and guess why it is.”
“They must have been relieved that you thought about it, though… I would never have thought about something like that.”
“Yeah… Good thing I didn’t mind taking the risk of embarrassing myself.”
They sigh.
“Actually, I did embarrass myself. If you don’t know I lied, then it was totally inappropriate…”
I shake my head.
“It’s for a good cause.”
“Hm-hm. That’s fine.”
They fall silent for a while, and I don’t know what to say either.
This is a lot of take in. Everything that just happened…
I thought for sure Akiro was dead. And then I thought Jan was dead. Twice, even. But then they were not, and still, the situation was completely confusing…
Ciel made it even more confusing, and now what they’ve explained their part of the story, I still have something to be confused about.
“I’m… definitely… actually uncomfortable, though.”
“A-ah?”
They swallow their spit loudly.
“After hearing Kumakuma…”
Oh, right. On top of everything else…
“I’m sorry…”
The shake their head.
“Don’t worry about me… It’s just…”
They hesitate before letting out a long sigh.
“I think I want to go to my room for a little bit…”
“A-again?”
“Yeah… Sorry.”
They stand up.
“No, it’s… okay, I guess… But… are you sure? I can be there for you…”
It’s their turn to chuckle.
“No, don’t worry… I’m really the one who’s sorry for leaving you behind again.”
They look towards the main building.
“Maybe some people are going to try and get something to eat… I’d seriously feel better knowing that you’re surrounded…”
“It’s… okay.”
I’m feeling slightly overwhelmed, but I try my best to put my thoughts in order, and I figure there’s no harm in doing as they say.
“I’ll go in the dining room, then. You… You’re alright, right?”
They force themselves to smile.
“Yep. Just need to scream into my pillow for a bit.”
“Oh.”
“Stay extra super safe, okay? … Love ya.”
They turn around in a rush and head towards the dormitory.
I look at them… I’m definitely blushing.
Man. Don’t tell me something so nice when I’m already going through too many thoughts…
I wish I had friends who told me that kind of thing.
…Wait, I do! They were saying that to me!
…
… …
I should probably head to the dining room before I have an existential crisis.

That I do, and I find a good few people inside.
“Welcome to the panic room.”
“The… what?”
Mina is the only one to notice me walking in. Looking around, the only ones missing are… the Ultimate trio, Ciel and Lois. Even Keith’s here, on his own at the corner of the table.
“You’d assume we’re panicking because of what just happened, or the prospect of what could happen, but it’s really just that the most important person is missing: the cook.”
“Ah.”
She doesn’t look like she minds talking about something trivial, though.
“Which makes a convincing case for us all going to the auditorium tonight.”
“You know we’d… we’d go even if he picked someone we didn’t like, right?”
Chloe was listening.
“Probably.”
The detective shrugs.
“Anyway, she says louder, can we just agree on something to eat?”
“By the looks of it, no.”
I’d be surprised if he was even participating in the discussion.
“We could just make pasta.”
“Says the Italian guy.”
“Says virtually anyone. In the world. Ever.”
“Okay, fair.”
“And who’s going to cook it..?”
“Anyone would probably do…”
“Uhm, no.”
“…Really? I thought pasta was one of these dishes no one can fail.”
“She doesn’t know that for a fact..?”
“I know someone who managed to make a broccoli catch on fire.”
“Yeah, well..! I know someone who didn’t even try!”
“Ah, right. You two were in THAT team.”
Burnt broccoli rings a bell, but I can’t recall what it was…
“Yes, so we have trust issues.”
“No wonder.”
“...And we don’t know how to cook.”
“That too.”
“I’m… I can make… pasta… if you want…”
“Do you really know how to? Like, legit?”
“Yes? I’ve… done it before?”
“Haven’t you???”
“Oooh, I see you’re one of those privileged Ultimates with free time.”
“Truly a different breed.”
“Since when do you talk so much?!”
Could it be that no one here has ever had the time, or even the occasion to cook anything for themselves..?
My eyes fall onto Keith. He notices.
“Yes, I could have offered to. But I didn’t want to suffer the rejection from them believing I was going to poison the water.”
…
… …
“I’m just… I’m just gonna head to the kitchen now.”

I prepared a metric ton of pasta by following the instructions on the packaging.
Oscar set the table, and everyone seemed glad to have something to eat.
Me included… I hadn’t realised how hungry I was.
It feels different from usual, though.
…I feel guilty for hoping now that Jan gets better soon.

Once we’re done eating and washing our dishes, I simply stay inside the dining room… as I often do. Oscar and Mina are the only ones to leave.
“Cool, now this is the existential crisis room.”
…Was “panic room” a name they’d agreed on?
“Existential crisis..? Why would you have an existential crisis?”
“I could have an existential crisis about the fact that I’m sitting next to someone who doesn’t know why they should be having an existential crisis just now.”
“S-Sorry?”
Chris turns her head to Keith, who’s sitting a few chairs away from her, by himself.
“Hey dude, want to form an alliance of normal people with human emotions?”
“Hmm…”
I refuse to believe she’s starting to enjoy Keith’s company.
…
“Wait, what about me?!”
“Do you really think I’m not having an existential crisis..?”
“Okay, Isabella can join.”
“What?!”
“SHE’s the weirdo here!”
“Hey now… This is just becoming an alliance of people who lost someone they loved.”
Wow.
“That was really fucking cold, Chloe.”
“Aaah!”
Chloe places her hands in front of her mouth, looking horrified.
Okay… Chloe doesn’t deserve to be part of the alliance.
“Let’s not form an alliance.”
“Yeah, if that’s what it is, it’s just sad...”
“Talking of being sad, I will proceed to hit my face against the table and stay in that position for however long I see fit.”
… Bonk. He does as he says.
“I’m the normal person here how do you not see that.”
“But that has to hurt…”
“I’m more worried about the table, after hearing that sound.”
“Fuck you.”
“…Are you professionally allowed to say that?”
“Go do a bridge in a burning forest.”
“Right.”
“…How is that not just as rough as what Chloe said?”
Chris shrugs.
“To be honest, I still prefer him like that than crying.”
“Yes… He’s just too sad.”
“I’m gonna cry.”
“Still better crying about us than something else.”
Keith doesn’t come up with an answer.
Either way, it’s… not him I’m curious about.
“What about you, Isabella..?”
“What?”
I think and rethink my phrasing, trying not to “Chloe” it.
“You’re pretty talkative today…”
“Don’t make me think about it too hard or I’ll go back to hating you all.”
“Huh?”
She turns her head, causing her thick twintails to move violently back and forth.
“I’m still angry. I just feel like talking more right now.”
“Who are you angry at, though..?”
Isabella doesn’t reply immediately.
“She Chloe-d it, didn’t she?”
“The world.”
Phew.
“See, that’s pretty fucking relatable.”
“Do you feel the same way?”
“What do you mean? I thought it was pretty clear that I’m always angry.”
“I thought that was Keith’s thing…”
“I’m always sad.”
I sigh, though I can’t lie… Hearing them talk about their emotions honestly reassures me. Isabella and Keith definitely felt like lost causes right away…
As for Chris, it was clear that she was struggling, and I feel better seeing that she’s finding her footing again.
Actually… Speaking of someone who’s angry all the time… I’m reminded of Lois. I stand up abruptly.
“Hmm? Where you going?”
“I, uh… I have something to do.”
She looks at me weirdly.
“You don’t want to come. It involves Lois.”
Did I swallow an honesty pill recently..? No, I definitely don’t think so.
“Oh yeah, fuck that.”
“She’s intimidating…”
“I don’t think Chris is intimidated.”
“…Yeah, so I think I’m going on my own.”
“Just don’t murder her.”
I shake my head…
“Don’t let her use your vulnerabilities to forcefully make you kill someone either.”
“…Okay, I’m going now! See you!”
I feel bad for Chloe who doesn’t seem to be in the mood to spread despair and depression but I leave without looking back.

I don’t run into anyone else on my way to my room. Once I’m inside, I grab the can of insulation foam and open the hatch to somehow hoist myself up once again… and probably for the last time.
“Ouch!”
… I accidentally hit the small door with my knee.
“That’s one way to say hello.”
“…I already saw you today.”
“Hello again.”
“Hello again…”
“I guess something did happen in the gym.”
“…Yes.”
“But worried as we are, it doesn’t have to impact our ability to insulate this room.”
Is she just narrating?
“I prepared something.”
“Oh?”
She takes out a flashlight, which she points to a small plastic bag next to her. I look closer, and she opens it to hand me something… a thick, white mask.
“Oh…”
“Bet you didn’t think about that.”
“I, uh… I didn’t.”
Now that I think about it, she’s also more talkative than before, isn’t she?
“Welp. What are you gonna do?”
“Uuuuh…”
“As in, where are you going to apply the foam?”
“Oh, uuuh…”
I look around the dark room. Just her flashlight is giving us a lot of light, though.
“My idea was to… Start by covering each trap door in it, and then cover the entire room with what’s left.”
“You should run a test sample.”
“Ah..? I guess that’s a good idea.”
“Just do it on an unused room, just in case.”
She points to one of the farthest trap doors.
“Like Noah’s. I don’t expect him to pop out from there anymore.”
“Do you always expect people to pop out from their room into here..?”
Even the dead..?
“What if I’m a little paranoid? I don’t pay you to judge me. Just do the insulation.”
I’m pretty sure she’s not paying me at all, though…
I sigh and put on the mask, before heading towards the hatch in question. I hover the can over it and press down…
A lot of foam comes out at once. I try to get used to it and not waste too much, but it’s mostly that it comes out very thick, and… it hardens surprisingly fast. I wouldn’t know how to describe it exactly. It’s not hard like meringue… but it’s not watery either.
Once I’ve covered the door, I try to open it, but it’s already stuck.
“Wow! Somehow, this is working!”
“Cool.”
I turn to look at her. She hasn’t moved. Did she really believe in it even more than I did..?
“Just for your information, 5 years ago, this wouldn’t have worked.”
“What..?”
“There was a revolution in the insulation industry around then. The results were impressive. Living in a home with outdated insulation started feeling uncomfortable. This foam is probably a product of that.”
“How do you just happen to know all that?”
“Everybody knows that, Neo. There were manifestations for months because the new products cost an arm and a leg but socialist groups found it barbaric not to make the supposedly safer conditions available to everybody.”
“I… have absolutely no memory of that.”
“Why?”
She looks in my direction. She looks serious.
“Because you’re lying..?”
“No.”
I tried.
“Well, ponder on that while you get to work.”
No, I… don’t think I will.
But I am gonna get to work.
“Are you gonna stay here?”
“To keep an eye on you, yes.”
“Okay…”
I wonder if she’s going to miss this, but I’m not brave enough to ask.
I place my mask back on my face and start spraying foam on the next door.
Then the next one.
I end up spending a lot of time on each one.
By the time I’m done, my eyes itch like hell, and my breath is short… I hope this doesn’t mean the mask isn’t enough.
Behind me, I hear Lois cough.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes...”
She moves closer to the trap door to my room. It’s the only one I left untouched… so we could get out.
“Just spray the rest everywhere you can… Make it extra poisonous.”
“Sure… Wait uh…”
I point to my room with the can.
“If I’m going to cover the whole room, then… You should get down. I’ll follow you when I’m done.”
She coughs again.
“...Okay.”
I feel bad for subjecting her to this, though… I’m doing fine, for now. I should probably not waste any time. As soon as she’s down, I start to spray what’s left of the foam onto the floor everywhere, and I have just enough to cover the bottoms of the walls before it’s empty.
It’s almost unbearable by now. I thought I was even going to check if I could breathe without my mask but… I don’t think I’ll need that. I practically jump into my room and after making my own way down, I close the hatch once and for all.
I throw the mask on the floor.
“Oh God…”
Was breathing always that pleasant?
My eyes are watery, but they soon stop itching.
I look around for Lois, to find her sitting on my bed.
“My parents would be very mad if they knew I was inside some guy’s bedroom right now.”
“What? That’s what you have to say? … Besides, how old are you again?”
“They stay upset longer when you’re a girl.”
…That just sounds sexist.
“Anyway…”
She raises her chin.
“Thanks for the demonstration. I definitely don’t think anyone is going up there now.”
“Uuuh…”
Then she turns her head to me.
“And thanks for your help.”
“It’s… of course!”
I could be more flustered, but… it just wouldn’t have been right to abandon her.
She stands up.
“Now I’m going to do my favourite thing in the world… Eat.”
“…Is that really your favourite thing in the world?”
“Might be.”
She walks towards the door.
“Wait..!”
Damn it. Couldn’t stop myself.
She waits.
“Are, are we gonna talk to each other again?”
She gives me a weird look.
Not my first one today…
“I’m going to go in and out of my room normally from now on, so… Yes. You can talk to me whenever you want.”
“That’s amazing!”
I hadn’t realised that was what it meant. It puts me in a pretty good mood.
She shakes her head as she leaves my room.

I still end up going to the bathroom to check in the mirror if my eyes haven’t turned completely red. Surprisingly, they look fine. Being there reminds me to shave my stupid little beard… I should probably have done that earlier, huh?
When that’s done, I lie in bed to check the time. Phew… This was quite the workout on my back.
It’s 5PM…
Today felt different, but it was still a lot… and it’s not even over yet.
I rest for about 30 minutes before finally forcing myself to go out.

A different trio is passing through the dormitory when I close the door to my room this time. This one..!
“Guys!”
I immediately run in their direction. Hearing my voice, they all turn to me.
Jan flashes his signature smile.
“Jan! How are you doing?”
“…Fine.”
He chuckles dejectedly.
“Sorry for earlier… I got hit by shock.”
“W-what? Why are you apologising?”
“Yes, oh my God, don’t apologise. You literally haven’t done a single thing wrong.”
“I guess so…”
He quickly turns his attention back to me.
“Thank you for lending me your shirt, by the way.”
“Oh, sure…”
Right. He’s wearing another one of his usual black shirts – I wasn’t even paying attention to that.
“I can give it back…”
“Pff… It doesn’t really matter.”
The truth is, I can’t help but be curious… but I can’t exactly go staring at his chest, and it wouldn’t help anyway. It’s just not in my place to know…
Vaguely glancing at his collar, I remember how sad he seemed.
“Your necklace…”
“It’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”
“Yes…”
He sighs.
“I’ll fix it once I get home.”
“Oh…”
I nod. I guess this isn’t an accessory he has multiple copies of, like he would his outfit. It probably doesn’t count as part of his outfit, at least according to whoever put us here… It wasn’t even visible, underneath his collared shirt.
“I guess it must have been important to you…”
He nods.
“Yes. It’s a gift from someone… who matters a lot.”
Signature smile.
“Oh, I see.”
Then it’s probably irreplaceable.
…I most likely shouldn’t rub it in. I look at Alice and Akiro instead. The latter is shaking his head in silence.
“And how are you two holding up..?”
“Oh, we’re traumatised.”
…
“Not even joking. But I’m doing fine. Akiro over there has been shaking his head nonstop since.”
“I… see…”
“...Sorry.”
“Didn’t you… save his life?!”
Akiro appears to share my frustration, as he turns to grab him by the shoulders.
“………………………………..”
He tries talking, but nothing comes out.
“I already miss him.”
She never told me he couldn’t talk…
“Damn...”
Akiro shakes his head even harder, letting go of Jan’s shoulders.
“Let’s just go get traumatised once more before I can cry myself to sleep.”
On these words, he starts walking towards the door again.
…If that’s how he sounds when he does, I’d almost rather he doesn’t speak.
Jan follows him.
“You can’t do that…”
“I’m going to.”
“Then I’ll cry.”
“No.”
Alice looks at me, and now she’s the one to shake her head, but she smiles.
“I’m keeping an eye on them… before they go flying again.”
We both sigh at the same time, and when she turns around to follow them out, I follow her.
She goes up to Jan to hold his hand. I stay right behind, and soon, we’re inside the auditorium.
It’s almost time…
Even though I’m the one who caused that, I’m still surprised to find Lois already in the room, before everyone got there.
My attention soon turns to Ciel, who also got there before me. They grab my arm and smile, but they look unmistakably worried. They don't find anything to say… and neither do I.
We stay silent next to one another for a while, before both bears appear through the door. Normally, this time.
“Oooh, look at them. They’re all there, aren’t they.”
“Ugh…”
…I flinch as well. This is too hard to get used to.
“Sure are! That’s good, ‘cause I’m pretty proud of this motive.”
“What is it?”
“Upupuu… Impatient, are we?”
Boing, boing. Monokuma takes more steps into the room. Kumakuma does the same, but it takes a seat, while Monokuma looks above.
“Give it a minute…”
…
A box falls slowly from up above.
“Here it is!”
“Cool box. Can we leave now?”
“Nuh-huh. Not yet.”
He hoists himself above the box to open it.
“Listen up, bastards!”
He hits the sides of the box with his paws.
“This chapter’s motive is… the opposite of the previous one!”
“What is that supposed to mean..?”
“Well, that one didn’t work out too well, so we’re trying to see if the opposite works.”
“Obviously not what I asked!”
“Uuupuupuuu… Well, here’s what it means: if in 3 days, didya hear? 3 days, no one has killed, I will reveal each and every one of ya’s secret backstory!”
“…What?”
Alice’s eyes open wide.
…
“And how do you plan on doing that?”
“By showing it, of course! Each DVD in here… you guys are familiar with DVDs, right? I guess they didn’t end up disappearing like we thought they would. Anyway, each DVD in this lovely box contains a video of your entire life!”
“My life was not filmed.”
“And yet.”
“It’s probably just another bluff…”
“Upupu… I thought you’d say that.”
“And?”
“Take a guess, detective.”
“…Tch.”
“Won’t say it for your comrades, huh? Well, here is what’s happening: as an example, I’ll be showing you one of the videos right now!”
“You… are?”
“Wait, you can’t… do that…”
“For sure I can!”
…Ugh!
I don’t even know what to think. This is completely absurd. Whose life does he even plan on showing? I mean, if it were mine… Would it matter?
…Sure, I wouldn’t like it, but…
“So, which one of you bastards is it going to be?”
“Yes, which one?”
“Well, I don’t know yet. One of you is going to pick it at random.”
How does he plan on doing that?
He turns to me.
“You, Mr. Devin. Come pick one.”
“No way in hell I’m doing that!”
“Uh-huh.”
Suddenly, Kumakuma gets up from its seat, and behind me…
I can hear… the loud buzzing…
Getting closer and closer…
“Oh, damn it! Neo, don’t risk your life for this!”
“B-but…”
“Just pick one..!”
I sigh.
The buzzing noise soon becomes unbearable.
Damn it… Trembling, I extend my head towards the box.
“Atta boy!”
“I hate you…”
I’ve never felt shame like this.
Looking in, I try to look for any way to differentiate the DVDs, but… they’re all in individual boxes with no markings.
“Aight, now pick one before I get impatient.”
“Damn it!”
What do I even do? I shuffle through the boxes quickly and pick one at random.
Monokuma takes it from my hands. Oh good Lord…
“Cool! So let’s see… Whose video is it? Oh, how I wonder whose video it’s going to be! Oh, I’m so curious to know!”
He opens it, looks at the CD inside, and falls silent.
…
“Oh, please, make this stop…”
“Hmm… Say, Kumakuma.”
“Yes?”
“Did you do the thing I told you to do with the DVDs?”
“What thing?”
“Why are you making me spit it out! Did you remove the dead students’ DVDs from the box?!”
“You never asked me to do that.”
“What.”
“Wait, what’s happening?”
“Did you take large amounts of drugs to remove your memory or sumthin’?”
“No, that would be a dumb thing to do.”
“Upupuu… You’re right. Well, it’s okay, because this is one of my favourite videos anyway.”
I feel so sick.
“What are you going to… make us watch..?”
“You’re the one who picked it.”
“Stop..!”
“BEHOLD!”
Boing, boing, boing—Monokuma runs towards the screen, before turning to us.
“Oh by the way, if you try to run away and not watch, I’ll wasp you to death.”
He then turns back to place the DVD inside a slot underneath the screen that I didn’t know was there.
I’m… I’m sweating so bad.
I remember thinking, this morning… That I was just having a nightmare.
Maybe that’s still it.
It would explain so much.
“BEHOLD! The DVD I just entered contains… ANDI EVAN’S LIFE STORY!”
“What?!”
“BWAHAHA! … No joke.”
“N… What…”
Keith grips one of the chairs like he’s trying to rip its casing off.
He’s
powerless
and so am I.
So are we all.
I thought I felt sick before, but this is even worse.
Monokuma runs back towards us, now holding a remote he took from who-knows where.
“Are you ready?”
“No…”
“Too bad!”
He sits next to Kumakuma and presses play on the remote.
The entire room turns completely black.
And soon…

A pleasant melody echoes through the room. The video, blurry at first, focuses on someone’s fingers strumming a guitar.
A soft, yet strong voice follows…

“Hard like its surface…”

I recognise it..!

“My head is unbreakable, unbreakable.
Why is my heart irreparable, irreparable?”

It zooms out, showing Andi, playing the guitar on a small scene. She bears the largest of smiles… Her eyes closed up until now, she opens them, and the camera turns to show an unbelievably large audience crammed into a small café.
The audience sings along.

Hit it with a hammer and it won’t move.
Hit it with my head and it breaks.

White text falls from the top of the screen. The scene changes colours; it becomes sepia. It reads…

ANDREA HENDRY’S LIFE STORY

… And fades to black.
“Wait, isn’t that a spoiler?”
“Shhh, it’s starting!”
I can’t pay attention to the bears.
My eyes are fixated on the screen, waiting… to see her again.
It stays black for a little while, but another song starts to play. Soon, the picture is back on, showing a little girl with brown hair and red irises walking down a street, earphones in her ears.
As for the narration…
“Living life is easy.”
…How?
A disembodied voice… but it’s her. And the little girl… It has to be…
“I always wondered what the meaning of life was, but the answer was easy. I’d repeat it to myself over and over. The meaning of life is to live it. To live my life is to hum the music I love…”
The little girl starts humming along with the song she’s listening to. It sounds familiar, like some popular song from my childhood. She takes a turn into a smaller street, before pushing the door to a small apartment building.
“To live is it to do my homework and to be done with it right away, because it’s so easy.”
It cuts to her writing one last line in a notebook before closing and shoving it inside her backpack. She’s sitting at a small table in a very small room, and has to reach over her bed to grab her guitar.
“To live it is to strum the guitar,”
She starts to do just that.
“And sometimes it’s pretty…”
She smiles.
It cuts to her wearing a different outfit, in the exact same place and position.
“Sometimes it’s fun…”
She’s playing something different, still smiling.
“And sometimes…”
The scene stays the same. The very young Andi is playing with a smile on her face, when suddenly, she starts to cry.
She continues playing for a few seconds, before she stops. She cries even harder, mumbling something…
“(Why? Why?)”
…
And it doesn’t stop. The video is edited to show time passing, as she lies down on her side for a while, then sits up again, then lies down some more, incapable of stopping her sobbing.
When it stops, it’s extremely sudden.
“(Phew…)”
She sits up again with a confused look on her face. She puts her guitar back in its place before standing up, and… laughing.
She clears her throat, before walking to her door and shouting:
“(Mommy! Is it time to eat yet? Mommyyyy!)”
As she leaves her room, the narration returns.
“The mood swings were rough, but at the time, they confused me more than anything. My personality didn’t change. I was an easily satisfied, pleasant girl. At times all of the sudden I would get sad, or angry, or happy, but at others the changes were discrete. I’d feel more creative, stronger, or shier. It was always sudden, but it never lasted the same amounts of time. I could experience drastic changes from one hour to the next, or from a week to the next… Whatever I felt was often extreme. Sometimes, though, I was normal.”
The image changes to that of her young self sitting in class when the bell rings. She stands up at the same time as the other kids, but before she can leave the classroom, the teacher taps her on the shoulder…
(Are you okay going on your own? Do you feel better?)
“(Better? I feel fine!)”
Looking a little confused, she smiles to her teacher before running out.
“…Sometimes, I wouldn’t remember how I’d felt earlier the same day. That was the only thing I thought might be wrong, but my friends told me they’d had similar experiences for sure, so I believed them. As for the rest, I thought feeling emotions very strongly was just one of my personality traits.”
Once again, she is shown walking into the same apartment building. As she walks up the stairs, neighbours look at her with a sad expression, but she ignores them and unlocks the door to her home.
“I wasn’t the problem.”
An adult woman, supposedly her mother, sees her entering from the living room and walks up to her to stroke her hair… with an expression similar to that of the neighbours.
“It wasn’t my fault.”
It cuts to another scene, where Andi is standing in front of another woman, next to a man and a slightly older boy.
Her mouth agape, she stares ahead – the camera turns to show her parents leaving by foot.
“Mom and dad kept repeating that I’d have to go live at my aunt and uncle’s house, but I never believed them. How could I? I had no grasp on reality. Mom and dad were too poor. I thought it was normal to be hungry. When they truly couldn’t do it anymore, they left me in my aunt and uncle’s custody…”
The camera turns to her, standing in the same place, again. She shrugs.
“I was 7. I was surprised, but I didn’t mind. I already knew them, after all, and they knew me. I could live there, and I did.
At least, if that was what living was.”
The screen fades to black before showing an older Andi sitting at a desk in her room, her head between her hands. It looks like years have passed… maybe 10. Or slightly less.
“I was tired. My uncle drank all the time, and every time he did, he got loud, so loud… I didn’t even remember when he started drinking. It felt like he always had. My aunt had left him because of it. My cousin still lived there, and he never did anything.”
Andi stands up to look outside her room, and into the living room. This house is much larger than the one she lived in as a kid. Her uncle is sitting on an armchair, complaining loudly to himself, while a young man, supposedly her older cousin, is sitting on the couch, playing a videogame.
The screen of the TV is white, making it impossible to tell what he’s playing.
“He played videogames all day. We got along, but he never helped around the house.”
She sighs and shakes her head before heading into the kitchen, as the narration continues:
“That wasn’t the issue, though. My uncle wasn’t the issue. Paul wasn’t the issue. I couldn’t go home, because dad had also left, and mom was left with a baby. I didn’t know where that baby came from. Mom said she didn’t have any money. She begged me not to come back in those horrible slums.”
The teenaged Andi looks around the kitchen for something to cook. She takes out a large pan.
“That wasn’t the issue either, though.”
She jumps in surprise when she feels her phone vibrating in her back pocket. She takes it out and answers without looking at the screen.
“(Hey, what’s up?)”
She frowns.
“(Where? What are you talking about?)”
…
“(There’s no way, dude. I would have never agreed to go on a fucking hike at night. Why would I want that?)”
The voice over the phone gets louder.
“(Why are you yelling at me?! I’d never say yes to a stupid hike! I don’t know what you’re talking about, leave me alone!)”
With tears in her eyes, she hangs up and throws her phone on the counter.
“I would change my mind over everything all the time. I’d feel up to anything in the world at times and promise it all, and forget about it the next time. I didn’t even know why I said some things.”
As she wipes her tears, her cousin pokes his head inside the kitchen.
(What’s up?)
“(Nothing… Leave me alone…)”
(Oh, okay.)
He rushes back inside the living room. The camera follows him as he looks at his father, falling asleep with a bottle in hand. He turns off his console and heads into his room.
“I was tired.”
It cuts back to her, alone in the kitchen.
She’s breathing heavily, tears still at the corners of her eyes.
There are deep bags underneath them.
“My friends were tired.”
The scenery around her changes, but Andi stays in the same position, with the same attitude. The camera turns around to show a couple teenagers standing across from her with an uneasy expression.
“At times, I decided I’d shut up forever, that it was the only way not to anger my friends, not to anger myself…”
Once again, the scenery around her changes, but this time, she’s in a bedroom, and she goes to lie down on the bed.
“…But I’d change my mind.”
…After staying in that position for a couple seconds, she suddenly sits up, grabs her phone and starts to text someone, a smile growing on her face.
“And that still wasn’t the problem. I wasn’t the worst. I could still maintain friendships.”
The teenaged Andi giggles, continuing to text from her bed.
“I was 16 and I just wanted to live my life, but my uncle kept drinking and my cousin kept playing and my aunt had left and my dad had left and my mom didn't want to see me, and one day I decided I wanted to drink too...”
The picture cuts to Andi picking up a bottle, alone in the living room…
“…but that mustn’t have been what I really wanted. I really wanted to break every bottle on Earth.”
She slams it against a wall, accidentally cutting her fingers in the process, but she doesn’t appear to care.
“I never knew what I wanted.”
She looks at her bloody hand.
“I never knew who I was.”
With empty eyes, she looks around the room.
“It wasn’t a problem. It was tiring.”
The screen fades back to black again, before showing Andi setting the table in the living room while turning worried looks towards the kitchen.
“(Paul, can you set the table?)”
(Hmm.)
She leaves the living room, but he doesn’t move from the couch, where he’s playing again. His dad gets up from his armchair to sit at the table, but only to grab a glass and pour his drink into it.
“I’d ask my cousin for help sometimes, but he ignored me. I never got mad at him, though.”
She comes back into the living room with a large, heavy-looking pan in hand, and seeing that the table hasn’t been set, she sighs, glancing at him.
“Playing videogames was how he lived his life. If I’d also found the way to live my life, I’d want to be left alone.”
The scene changes again. It shows her sitting on her bed with a guitar in hand, a larger, better looking one than the one she had as a child. She starts playing, but the video is silent. She is shown playing for a little while... and a smile forms at the corners of her lips.
However, as soon as she stops playing, it disappears.
“When I played the guitar, I felt like I’d found the way my life was to be lived, but that feeling stopped at the same time the music did. It must have been an illusion.”
The screen fades to black once more.
It fades back into a completely different scene, where Andi is being pushed out of the house with her guitar and a suitcase.
“…We were useless bums who didn’t pay him rent, he said.”
The door closes behind her. She and Paul are both outside, staring at the ground confusedly.
“My uncle got tired of seeing our faces, and he kicked us out.”
After a while, she turns to look at the door one last time.
“God knows what happened to him afterwards.”
The screen cuts directly to black this time, and remains this way for a little while.
“Paul went on to live with his girlfriend he’d met online a few years before. I hadn’t met a boy online. I’d never looked for a boyfriend at all. I didn’t think that someday, I’d need someone else to love me and let me live with them.
I thought what I had was what my life was. I thought I had an aunt, an uncle, and a cousin who liked me despite my mood swings, but I didn’t. I thought I had a bedroom to go back to and do my homework in with my earphones in my ears, but I didn’t. I’d always thought that was my answer, but I was wrong.”
It suddenly cuts to a completely different scene. Andi is standing in a dirty living room, holding a baby in her arms.
“I was still 16 when I moved back to my mom’s apartment. I felt so many contradicting emotions at once… It happened sometimes. The baby was skinny, but mom was skinnier. If I looked closely, I could see my dad in him… but I couldn’t see my mom.”
She jumps in surprise when the baby starts screaming. She tries to rock him slowly, and throws a panicked look in her mother’s direction, but she doesn’t even look in hers.
“I told myself that it was like part of my dad was still in our home with us… and only part of my mom was.”
It fades to another scene, where Andi is coming back home, looking even more tired than she did before. She heads to her mom’s room, where the baby’s awake in his crib, and she kneels next to him, smiling.
“School was fine. It had always been fine. It wasn’t tiring me. I’d be home late because I tried to work on the side, so I could eat, so mom could eat, so he could eat.”
Andi is pictured washing dishes in a restaurant, then playing the guitar in the street, and then tutoring younger kids.
“I wanted him to be able to live his life. I wanted him to have a home, earphones to listen to music with, easy homework, a guitar to play. I smiled at him because I did it for him. I washed dishes, tutored kids... I couldn't do that too often, though, because I was always scared my mood would change and I would suddenly feel too tired. I could play the guitar for some change, though, and when I did, I never worried.”
She stands up and looks at the bed, where her mother is lying down, staring at her without comment.
“Mom told me to stop bothering with them, to live my own life.”
Even though the scene doesn’t picture her mother talking to her, Andi shakes her head.
“But everyone deserved to live. Mom and baby included. Maybe to live my life was to allow them to live theirs.”
The screen fades to a different scene, showing Andi sitting on a stained couch with the baby on her lap. She’s struggling to keep her eyes open.
“Still, mom couldn’t do it anymore. When she lost her job, I knew I’d have to work even harder, and I was going to do it. Nowhere had it been written that my mom and the baby would have to be abandoned twice.”
He swings his arms in the air randomly, accidentally slapping Andi in the face, waking her up. She looks confused at first, but they laugh together.
It cuts to yet another different scene, in a different location. It looks like a bar, and Andi is playing the guitar on a small scene.
“I found a gig at a bar, where I could play every evening. The stable pay allowed us to continue living.”
As she plays, the camera turns to a man, standing in the corner of the scene, looking at her with a wide smile.
“The boss insisted that I play for him and him alone at times. He insisted, and I was tired, so I said yes, so long as he paid me more those times.
I knew what my mom would think and I didn't want to worry her, so I didn't tell her. I didn't tell my friends, because I kept bothering them by changing moods all the time, so I didn't want to bother them by telling them sad stories. I didn't tell Paul, because we didn't talk to each other anymore, because he probably had a home where he played videogames all day again.”
It cuts again, and this time, shows multiple scenes of Andi doing her homework, washing dishes and playing at the bar in a row, alternating faster and faster before stopping on her playing.
“For one year and a half I kept thinking I'd rather do my homework than wash dishes, but I did both. For one year and a half I played for the boss on our own every now and then, because I needed the pay, because I could close my eyes when I played, and I didn't have to see the way he looked at me. I could close my eyes and forget that I was tired, that I wasn't so pretty with those bags under my eyes, that baby was so loud when he screamed and mom was so loud when she cried, that this couldn't be how life was to be lived.”
She plays a pleasant melody.
Once again, multiple scenes follow one another. The boss is shown ogling her. The baby is shown screaming. The mother is shown crying. Andi does the same things over and over again, with different expressions on her face, but they’re always negative.
In a new scene, Andi is shown coming home to an empty apartment, with only the kid waiting.
It repeats itself.
Again.
And again.
“One day, mom disappeared and didn't come back.”
This time, Andi walks up to the toddler and takes him in her arms.
“(Shh…)”
Looking happy to see her, he gives her a slobbery kiss on the cheek.
“I must have been wrong. It had been written that he would be abandoned twice.”
She rocks him slowly, bringing him with her to the living room.
“I didn’t feel abandoned. Mom had been gone for longer than she knew.”
The screen fades to black, before fading back into the bar. Andi hasn’t even opened her guitar case, and she’s already leaving, with a frustrated look on her face.
“For some reason, the boss became capricious. He wouldn’t let me play every evening anymore. I had to beg him at times, because we needed the pay…”
As the narrator speaks, Andi walks into a different house, where she picks up the kid. She pays the nanny, who shakes her head and gives her back half of the money. She looks relieved, and rushes out.
She is then shown entering her apartment with the toddler in her arms. She places him in the crib in her mom’s room before going to hers, where she sits at her desk.
“I had upcoming exams. I still hoped that someday, I'd be able to go to college, to find a way to live my life.”
The scene changes repeatedly, showing her regularly studying, often falling asleep in the process.
“Washing dishes in restaurants took too much time, and the pay wasn’t enough. I needed to study. I needed to be home to look after the baby. He was only starting to learn to talk. He wasn’t going to school yet. His life hadn’t even started.”
In one scene, she’s doing homework on the couch with the toddler next to her.
It cuts to a completely different one, where she finishes playing the guitar at the bar.
“One day that he allowed me to play in the evening, the boss told me he knew what work I could do if I really wanted the money.”
He approaches her, smiling as always, and strokes her cheek, then her neck…
“That wasn’t a life worth living.”
She jerks away from him and puts her guitar back in its case in a rush, running out.
“I’d known it would happen someday. I was out of a job.”
After running out, she is pictured doing the dishes in a restaurant. Again.
“I couldn’t tutor kids anymore. My mood would change all the time.”
She was doing the work peacefully, but she randomly starts crying. She ignores it, though, and continues to wash.
“I didn’t have time to do my homework anymore. I didn’t have time to talk to my friends, even though they’d kept repeating I could count on them, that I wasn’t as bad as I thought. I worked all the time…”
The screen fades into another scene where she walks into her room and falls onto her bed.
“I’d sleep 3 hours every night…”
She crawls her way towards her nightstand, where she grabs her earphones.
“Only then could I put my earphones in my ears. Only then could I enjoy the sounds I wanted, because no one had orders to give me, because baby was too old to scream at night anymore…
Only then, with music in my ears, did I feel like I was living my life.”
Listening to music in bed, she smiles. She falls asleep, and it fades to black.
For a few seconds, the screen doesn’t show anything. There is no sound.
Suddenly, loud knocks interrupt the silence. The picture turns back on, showing the door, then Andi sitting at her desk, in her room. The toddler is sleeping on her bed, behind her.
“I’d finally found some time to study, that day. Baby was taking a nap. I hoped it wouldn’t wake him up.”
A voice yells behind the door.
(You’re here, aren’t you? Open up!)
The knocking gets louder and louder. Andi’s breathing gets faster and faster. She leaves her room to look at the door.
The narration becomes higher pitched.
“It was my fault, I should have never worked there. It was my fault, but it was too late. I wanted mom to live longer, but mom was gone. I wanted the lock to be stronger…”
But it breaks.
The man walks in.
(You stayed there for a reason, didn’t you?)
“You know you want it, he said. You know you need it.
I wanted to run…”
She takes a few steps back, trembling.
“But I must have been too tired.”
He grabs her, and shoves her into the first bedroom he sees.
“It wasn’t even my room, it was mom’s.”
She tries to fight him off, but she’s unsuccessful.
“I didn’t want to scream, because I didn’t want to wake baby up. I had no reason to scream, because no one lived in these slums other than crazy people and people who’d given up on living.”
He pushes her onto the bed and grabs clothes to tie her hands to the bed with.
“He tied my hands with clothes. I never thought clothes could restrain me so strongly.”
The Andi onscreen is sobbing, and her sobbing becomes louder and louder, almost making it impossible to hear the narration.
The screen cuts to black, and she sobs louder and louder,
louder and louder,
then she starts screaming.
“I screamed, but there was no use screaming, because baby was only a baby, because no one lived here but crazy people and people who'd given up on living.”
The screen remains black, but the sound of her screaming subsides to leave place for her narration.
“He pinched me and he hit me and he said he’d waited so long. He caressed my breasts like they were his…”
…
“My mind had never felt so tired.”
When the picture comes back on, it shows him putting his clothes back on. He takes money out of his pocket and throws it in her face.
Her hands are untied. She’s stopped crying.
“You know you need it and you know you can do it.”
He walks out of the room, and can be vaguely heard talking to the baby, but what he says is unclear.
“Even then, I couldn’t move.”
Outside the room, a door shuts. A few seconds afterwards, the door to the room pushes open…
The toddler stumbles his way inside. He falls over multiple times, but still manages to reach the bed.
(Mommy…)
He’s made his way next to her, but she doesn’t get up. She looks at him, and extends her hand to him…
He grabs it.
(Mommy!)
He starts to cry. He’s loud, unbelievably loud, louder than her own sobs had been.
“He cried for me, because I couldn’t do it anymore.”
Once again, it fades to black. For a few seconds, there’s no sound.
…
“ I was smart, wasn't I? Then why were there so many questions I couldn't answer?
Why did this man have so much money, and why did it hurt so bad when baby managed to talk and he said "Mommy I'm scared", and why was it so much worse when he cried, and when did my homework become so difficult, and why was it that now when I tried to grab my guitar I stopped and thought I was
too scared”
It shows her holding the kid in her arms in the living room on another day, looking at him.
“I realised I couldn't live my life.”
He reaches for her face and gives her another slobbery kiss on the cheek, but this time, she tears up.
“He looked like dad and I looked like dad. I realised I wanted him to call someone else his mommy. I realised I wanted him to call someone who wasn't too tired to live, who wasn't too tired to work, whose mood and wants didn't change just like that, someone who wasn’t dirtied like I was, his mommy.”
It cuts to a completely new scene. Students in a classroom are taking an exam, but a seat is empty.
“I didn't show up to the final exams.”
One of the supervisors walks up to the empty table, then leans towards the student at the table behind it, whispering:
(Is Ms. Hendry excused?)
Shaking their head, they look worried.
(I don’t know…)
“I had something more important to do.”
The picture fades into another new scene, where Andi walks into a medium-sized building with the toddler in her arms.
She’s rocking him while humming a song, looking rather peaceful.
“An old friend of mine was surprised to see me walk into her family’s orphanage. But I’d contacted them before.”
She puts the kid down, and takes his hands in hers.
“(I’m so excited just thinking about all the stuff you’ll be able to do!)”
She’s nodding hastily, her attitude turning particularly hyper. The toddler, however, looks confused and sad.
“I trusted them to take good care of him. They weren’t very big, so I’d need to send donations to make sure they could give him the love and care he deserved.”
The screen fades to black.
“(I love you.)”
Her voice echoes through the speakers before the narration comes back.
“It must have been written somewhere that he would be abandoned three times. I wanted to make sure that it would stop there. With his angelic face and his good behaviour, he'd be adopted soon, I just knew it.”
When she’s done speaking, it fades back into the bar.
“I'd have searched for a boyfriend online all these years ago if I'd known.”
The boss taps her shoulder like a proud parent.
“Back then, I was still living my life, because that was what living was. From that point on, I told the boss I'd be his prostitute, and the pay was high, and get paid was all I did.
I sent all the money to the orphanage, and they always sent back good news, but they said he'd remember me, that he kept my photo with him, that he cried "Mommy" at night, but I said it was fine, because he would soon meet a better one.”
It fades into another scene of her playing the guitar. She’s dressed rather immodestly, it’s different from everything she’s worn up until now. She closes her eyes…
“At times he'd let me play on the scene again, and he'd even pay me the low salary from back then as a bonus. People would look at me and I wished I could be dressed more comfortably, but I could close my eyes and forget, I could play and imagine that I was still playing like I did when I was earning money to allow mom and baby to live, or that I was still at my aunt's and my uncle's, playing because that was how I lived my life then, just like I did when I was little and lived with mom and dad, when sometimes it sounded pretty and sometimes it sounded fun.
I was too smart to open my eyes, to have to look at his horrible smile yet again.”
She continues playing, and the narration comes back right after the song ends.
“One year and eight months later, he was adopted.”
It cuts to the orphanage, where Andi shakes the hands of two men before kneeling in front of the kid.
“It must have been written somewhere. When I thought back to it, he’d never truly had a mommy. When I first met his new dads, I thought “shit!” and then I laughed to myself, because I was reassured, because his dad had never hurt him as bad as any mother did, had he?”
(Mommy, please..!)
It then fades into a later scene, where Andi is walking away from the orphanage with tears at the corners of her eyes.
“He wasn’t a baby anymore, but when I left, I felt like I was leaving baby behind. When I walked out, he screamed…”
(MOMMY!)
“…and it hurt so bad, because I knew that no matter what, I would always be his one and only mommy.”
It fades to black as the same scream repeats itself,
(MOMMY!)
louder, then fainter, then louder,
(MOMMY!)
distorted at times, it echoed without end…
Until it cut to Andi, in bed underneath the same man again.
“At the exact time their plane was taking off to take him away to a bigger, better city, I was lying in a pretty bed, and I was getting raped.”
It cuts to black.
Once again, for a few seconds, there’s nothing.
When the picture comes back, Andi is standing in front of a mirror, staring at herself.
“At some point, I started to feel empty. Whatever had been happening in my mind before, there was nothing now. I lost sight of who I was. If you asked me, sometimes I'd say I'm a whore, sometimes I'd say I was Andi.
"Andi" was all I could hang onto. At this point, it had become the only thing to define me. My name was Andrea, but my entire life I had been called "Andi".
I asked for permission before getting a pretty tattoo. I wanted it pretty because I used to be pretty, and I wanted it to say "Andi" because that was me.”
The scene doesn’t change, but her tattoo appears on her shoulder blade. A scaled Japanese-style dragon with, artistically placed on some of its scales, the letters A N D I.
“The fact that I was Andi was proof that I existed, and at the time, exist was all I did.”
It fades to black, before fading into a scene of her lying in bed, next to her boss.
It remains silent for a little while.
…
“The mood swings were always intense. They could happen from a minute to the next, but at times, it could last months before it changed suddenly. All of a sudden I could get sad, or angry, or happy. But at times I’d change to be more creative, stronger, or shier. It had always been out of control. I had never understood them.
Still, I thought I was starting to identify tendencies.
That at times I specifically felt sad, slow, empty…
And without transition, I could feel unable to stay still, like something always had to happen, like I could make it anything.”
The Andi onscreen stares at her boss, sleeping next to her, for a few seconds before discretely standing up.
“In those moments, my heart beat faster, my thoughts worked differently. At least it felt this way.”
She walks out of the room and heads into the bar, where she opens a safe and takes large amounts of money.
“I’d continued to send money to the orphanage as thanks. I had a lot of money from doing nothing but working. That night, I took even more…”
With large amounts of money in a bag, she goes back to the room where she grabs some clothes that look like the ones she owned before. She looks at her guitar, in the corner…
“I said goodbye in my head. That if I could live without baby, then I could live without my guitar too.”
She frowns, and it’s with an air of conviction that she leaves the room, then the building… for good.
“I ran away.”
Running in the streets, she starts to laugh.
“I laughed, but I didn’t feel anything that should have made me laugh.”
It fades to black, and remains this way for some time. The screen is still black when the narration comes back.
“I moved to a bigger city. A city far away. New York. I lived in the streets for a while, with no guitar to allow me to live, but I had money, so I didn't spend too long there before I found a cheap flat.”
It finally cuts back to her standing in an empty apartment, staring at herself in a mirror once more.
“It was empty and so was I. But it was a good kind of empty. I was empty of worries. Empty of hurt.”
The camera zooms onto her tattoo. It’s partially hidden by the t-shirt she’s wearing, this time.
“I knew my mood would change eventually, so I wanted to make sure it would last.”
It cuts to her hand, though it might be a different shot entirely. She’s holding a diversity of coloured pills.
“If I forgot everything then I’d forget everything that made me lose myself. If I forgot about baby I’d have no pain and if I forgot about my uncle and my mom and Paul then I would have no reason to be tired.
How do you lose your memory when all you have is a nickname and cash?”
She closes her hand on the pills.
“In large quantities, and at the risk of my life, GHB and ecstasy could end up doing the work.”
It fades to black.
“And they would. Never mind my reactions to the drugs, because I forgot them all.
I forgot everything I knew. I forgot my name. I forgot my age. I forgot that I was Andi, that I was 19 years old and that I had already been called "Mommy".
...I forgot that I'd aborted multiple times before.
I kept listening to music, but I forgot that I used to feel myself living when I played the guitar.”
When the picture fades back into view, it shows an even skinnier, pale-looking young woman with incredibly long brown hair, staggering inside the same nearly empty apartment.
She walks up to the mirror, and stares at herself for a long time.
“One day I woke up, and I realised that I didn't know anything. Anything at all.
I stared at myself and saw a pretty young woman, pretty even behind my pale skin and the bags underneath my eyes. I learned that I felt hungry, and tired, and nauseous.”
She turns around, and looks surprised when she finds the tattoo on her shoulder. She twists her neck, pushing her sleeve away, to get a better look at it.
“I learned that all I had was a name on my shoulder.”
It fades into another scene, where she grabs some pills from a drawer, looking confused.
“There are things I couldn’t make sense of, like the pills in my drawers. I threw them away.”
It cuts to her walking outside, stopping right outside the door to stare at the passersby.
“What I could make sense of was that I was there…”
Suddenly, something catches her attention. She walks across the street and sticks her face against a shop window.
The camera turns around to reveal a music store and, right in front of Andi, a large acoustic guitar.
“…And to “be there” was to live.”
When it cuts to black, I assume the video is over, but multiple short videos appear suddenly, in a row.
She can be seen buying food,
or cutting her hair,
or chatting with a confused yet amused looking store clerk,
before walking into the store across her apartment and buying the guitar.
“I yearned for that guitar across the street without knowing that I could play it.”
She can be seen walking out of the music store with guitar case in hand, looking overly excited. She has her hair cut in a similar way to how I last saw her… but it looks like she hasn’t started dyeing it yet. She’s still skinny, but she looks in better health than a few scenes before.
She rushes into her apartment, and sits on her bed to take the guitar out of its case. She strums the strings randomly at first, before closing her eyes and letting her hands wander on the neck… and playing a pleasant melody.
“When I stopped playing for the first time, a shameless neighbour started clapping from the other side of the wall.”
Done playing, the Andi on screen looks panicked as she places the guitar, face to the ceiling, on her lap. She looks around, blushing… before giggling to herself.
“The rest is history.
The only history I knew.”
It cuts to more short scenes of Andi’s life.
She starts playing in the streets.
She gets a gig in a café.
She meets new people.
She is handed a flyer on the “Ultimate” exam…
She takes photos for an EP.
She plays on a multitude of scenes.
…
She wakes up in a long, white corridor.
Suddenly, the editing changes to show pictures instead, in quick succession. Andi wakes up in an all too familiar looking bedroom, crying. Another time, she wakes up with a lot of energy. Another time, Keith wakes her up from a nightmare, accidentally pushing Noah away from the bed in the process…
Another time, she wakes Keith up by pinching his nose for no reason.
She looks at the fridge inside the kitchen with a puzzled look. Jan taps her on the shoulder with a reassuring smile.
She sits on a tree branch, staring into nothingness. She sits on the ground right underneath the same tree, next to me, laughing.
She stands in-between Noah and Benjamin in the trial room.
She stands with no one on either side of her in the trial room.
“When I was sent to my death, I felt as though I had only just been born.
Something was missing. I thought time was it.”
It becomes a video. She’s standing alone at her podium, before being teleported into a black room. Guitar strings start falling from the sky, whipping the ground, but they don’t touch her, and she doesn’t move.
“Until for the first time, I heard the right voice say it.”
(MOMMY!)
Her eyes open wide.
(MOMMY!)
It’s his voice.
“That word that hurt me so bad…”
(MOMMY!)
She starts running in the direction of his voice, putting herself in the way of the whips.
“… Suddenly gave my life meaning.”
She runs faster, and faster, and faster, and the voice gets louder, and louder, and louder, when suddenly…
It cuts to black.
White text appears onscreen.

ANDREA HENDRY ANDI’S DEATH STORY

And when it disappears, nothing replaces it.