CHAPTER 2 KILLER • BONUS FTE

Who should I hang out w—
(Bump.)
Why is it always like that?
“Ouch-uuuh…”
Andi lets out a sad complaint. I opened the door to the main building and walked right into her.
“I’m uh, I’m sorry.”
I’m taken aback by her tame reaction.
“It’s fine…”
She steps away from the door.
“Weren’t you gonna go out?”
“No… I don’t think so.”
“You don’t… think so?”
“Hmm, yeah…”
She isn’t looking at me. I don’t know what she’s staring at.
“Sorry…”
“What? Why are you apologising?”
“I think I’m gonna tag along with her for now.”

“I just… I feel like something’s missing…”
“Something… Like… What?”
I step closer to her. She starts to gesture vaguely around her head.
“Like… Something…”
She sighs.
“I’m forgetting…”
“Like something you should be doing right now?”
She turns her head towards me but doesn’t quite look at me.
“No… Yes… Something more general… But also not really…”
“I uh, I wish I could help you…”
She shakes her head.
“No, it’s in there.”
She gestures around the top of her head once more.
“It’s just… I’m just…”
Finally, she crosses her arms. She keeps staring at nothing, but the way she places her feet solidly on the floor makes her look more focused, more… present.
“It’s frustrating. That’s all.”
Somehow, I can feel her frustration. That being said, what worries me the most is that she looks a little sad.
“Well, how can I help you? Do you want to try thinking about something else?”
I feel like that’s something she’d choose to do.
“I guess so.”
She directs her eyes towards mine. I couldn’t confirm for sure that she’s actually looking at me, though.
“What’s your plan?”
“…My plan?”
“I don’t have a plan! She knows for sure that I don’t have a plan!”
“Uuuh… We could… Sit down and chat for a while?”
It’s not like there’s a lot for us to do anyway…
“Presumptuous.”
“Huh?”
“Okay.”
“Huh.”
“Let’s go there.”
She turns abruptly to point at the door to the auditorium.
“The seats are comfortable.”
“Yeah... Sure.”
Judging by the way she looks, I’d gathered that she would be a lot less enterprising, but she’s surprisingly not all that different from her usual self. Her voice is a lot softer, but her intonation is about the same.

We walk inside the auditorium and sit down on the two seats closest to the door. It looks like no one else is there.

About me not having a plan, though…
I don’t really know what to say.
We stay silent for a couple minutes. I’ve talked to Andi before… But I don’t think I’ve gone out of my way to hang out with her yet. Usually, she’s the one with some weird and weirdly specific plan to spend her time. I’m not sure I can find anything that’s up to her standards…
… Hmm…
“Oh, actually… It’s weird that you’re on your own in the first place.”
“Hm..? Sorry, I wasn’t listening to you. I was listening to the silence.”
… … That jest would have gone over much better with me if she didn’t look a little upset still.
“You usually spend a lot of time with Keith, you know.”
You know. Keith.
“Aaaah, right. Is that what I’m forgetting?”
She has a sly smile. I think that implies she’s kidding – but mostly, I feel better seeing some light in her eyes.
It gives her a different kind of beauty. With her voice softer than usual, she even sounds somewhat… intimidating.
“Aaaaas iiiifff.”
As intimidating as someone like her gets, though.
She sighs once again before stretching her arms in the air.
“He’s taking a nap. Something about his bones having been crushed. Sounds legit.”
“Ah… Yeah.”
That’s a little unfortunate for him.
“…Well, you’re probably better off without him anyway.”
“Hm?”
Letting her arms fall back along her torso, she turns to me with a curious look. Expression-wise, I think she’s emoting normally again.
“But then again, what’s “normal” to her?”
“Like, uh… I don’t get why you li— hang out with him in the first place.”
“I never… I don’t get why not.”
She looks away. Urgh… I don’t want to annoy her. I just… I don’t know…
“He’s just… not very nice, you know?”
She sighs, and doesn’t reply immediately. She stares at the screen in front of us.
“Like—”
“Neither am I.”
“What?”
“Like… I’m harsh. I won’t remember your birthday. Sometimes, I just decide on stuff, and I’m super selfish and stubborn.”
“But…”
“I forget to take others into consideration. But that’s... But I’m…”
She lowers her head.
“That doesn’t mean we’re bad people…”
“I’m sorry…”
I feel awkward. I definitely brought up the wrong thing and made her feel even more down on herself. I have to make her feel better somehow…
“I don’t even feel like what you’re saying is true…”
“This isn’t a normal situation. You’re not looking at me the way you’d normally look at me.”
…
I look away. But at the corner of my eye, I can see her doing the same thing.
“…That’s not what it is.”
“W-what?”
I quickly look at her again. I can see her inhale, before letting out yet another sigh.
“…He’s nice.”
“Who?”
“Don’t mess with me…”
… Oh, Keith.
Wait, what?
“Are you really worried about him not being nice to me, or are you just making conversation?”
I realise that my cheeks are warm. This conversation is putting me on edge.
“I’m, I’m serious.”
She shakes her head, and for a second, she has a slight smile again.
“People are nice to me all the time. Like you, I guess.”
…I don’t know what to say.
“We hang out. We talk. We have fun times together, I think.”
“Yeah..?”
“I’ve never had an issue with it.”
She looks at me, and probably notices that I’m confused. She smiles again.
I have no idea what she’s thinking anymore.
“When someone doesn’t like me, well, it doesn’t matter. We don’t have to know each other.”
“…Yes.”
“When I get along with someone, we chat together, we share jokes, I talk about my favourite music and they want to hear it.”
“… … Yyyess.”
She inhales, raising her chin to look at the ceiling.
“Who do you talk to when you’re sad and alone?”
…
She lets her head fall back to look at me.
“I’m asking you. Who?”
I don’t know where she’s going.
“My... My friends. The person… the people I’m closest to.”
She nods.
…
“So?”
“Hmm…”
She tilts her head slightly and taps her cheek with her index finger.
“Hmmmm… If I were sad and alone…”
She closes her eyes and starts to smile.
“I’d send a text to Keith and he’d send back “I’m not your therapist” and the next text would be the new code of his apartment complex because they changed it last week.”
“What?”
…
“Huh?”
“Pffffff, you’re so annoying.”
Opening her eyes again, she pouts exaggeratedly and slaps her thighs at the same time.
…But her voice is still rather soft. Almost like her mood’s not the problem, but she’s tired. I’m just not sure it’s actually that.
“Sorry…”
“What I’m saying is… For sure he’s a dumbass. Like, he can be so ruuuuuude. What a tiring idiot.”
“That… doesn’t sound like what you were saying at all.”
“It’s impliiiiiieed.”
... “I guess so.”
“No, but seriously…”
“So she wasn’t serious?!”
“I like my friends, but they don’t really care about me. Not like… In a they don’t want me sense. It’s just… It’s just not happening.”
“Hmm…”
She looks me in the eyes.
“Keith cares.”
…
I look away. I can still see her shaking her head.
“Either way, it’s all thanks to me.”
…
“Hey.”
She taps on my shoulder.
I look at her, and she’s smiling.
“I made an effort, so he ended up caring about me. Right?”
“Uuuh… Right.”
I guess so. I mean, it’s true… I just don’t understand why she insisted on befriending him when he kept rejecting her at first.
“I’m still learning how to do this, you know?”
“Why do you say that?”
She shrugs.
“I’m young. That kinda thing.”
I let out a weird chuckle.
“Then I’m still learning too.”
“Probably.”
She nods, and looks away again, but she’s still smiling. It’s just discrete compared to her usual.
“And Keith too, so give him a break, okay?”
“Ugh…”
I sigh.
“Okay...”
“Nice.”
She looks down, and she stays silent for a little while.
…So do I. I don’t know how to feel. I probably made things too complicated… But I can’t help but feel like she’s complicated.
And is that my problem, or hers..?
“Thank you, by the way…”
She speaks up all of a sudden, but she sounds hesitant.
“Thank you… for what?”
“Well I don’t know…”
She throws herself back to lean against her seat.
“I’m supposed to be thankful for you taking the time to listen to me and all that, right? I don’t really pay attention usually…”
“Uuuh, sure.”
That’s a weird way to say thanks.
Eh…
I chuckle.
“Andi, if your friends don’t usually care about you, then you need better friends.”
“Huh?”
She looks at me with an air of total confusion.
“You know… Thinking about your example, of when you feel sad. If they’re not there for you, they’re not doing a good job at being your friends.”
She blinks multiple times very quickly.
“But… I can’t change them.”
“Well, you can probably find other friends, right? You don’t have to stop spending time with those guys, but you could meet more people.”
She looks taken aback…
Eventually, she lowers her gaze. She has another one of these slight smiles, but this one feels like less of a choice.
“Yeah… If I hadn’t met you guys, I might have never known that.”
…
Fine, I guess I’ll side with her stupid sexologist friend. Apparently, he’s a step up.
The conversation feels a bit less tense now, so I think I’ll hang out with Andi a little longer. She looks like she has a lot on her mind today.