CHAPTER 1 KILLER • BONUS FTE

Who should I hang out with.. ?
Every inch of my being screams “Ciel” but I don’t think they’re awake yet.
Maybe I should take a look outside and see if anyone’s available?

Bingo, I guess. Sitting on a bench all alone, I find Noah.
It’s weird, isn’t it? I walk up to him. As soon as he notices me, he starts smiling.
“Hey… Is Chris still asleep?”
He nods.
I know he can’t talk to me, but… it can’t hurt to keep him company, can it? I know I’ll feel a little less lonely at least.
“Is it okay if I sit with you?”
He nods again, and moves to make more room for me on the bench, even though there was already plenty.
As soon as I take a seat, he turns to me and puts his index finger up in the air in-between us.
“Hm?”
He points it towards me and starts to draw an invisible shape.
“Crap, I’m not good at this…”
He looks at me and, seeing that I didn’t get it, tries again.
Wait… It’s not that complicated, actually.
“Question mark?”
He nods, before pointing repeatedly at my face.
“My face? Me?”
He nods again.
“Oh… you have a question for me.”
More nodding.
I don’t know what to think of this… I’d be happy to converse with Noah one way or the other, but at this rate, we’ll be at it tonight still. I’m fully aware that it’s on me for not being very perceptive, as well.
He points to his lips.
“Yes..?”
I feel awkward for commenting on everything he—
“He doesn’t want me to kiss him, does he?” I mean, he’s handsome… And I would…
No luck, though. He starts to mouth something…
…
“Can… you… read… my… lips”
“OH!” I exclaim.
I can!
“Right! Yes!”
He looks glad.
“How did you know?!”
When I realised I could understand him, my heart rate suddenly went way up. How come I never thought about this before?! I’d call myself an idiot, but I’m too excited about this discovery just now.
He starts to mouth something again.
“You-ur… talent”
“That’s… that’s right! I actually… I got used to recognising speech in every way, even when I can’t hear… but still, that’s kind of… not a thing normal voice actors do, you know? That was a great guess!”
I don’t know why I’m talking so much. I’m all over the place. Noah, meanwhile, stays simply smiling.
He doesn’t look like he has anything to answer to all my blabbering. Obviously met with silence, I quickly calm down a little and am left to stare at his face.
He looks so… pleasant. It’s hard to believe he’s an Ultimate Soldier.
“You went out of your way to consider my talent… but yours feels like a different ordeal.”
I laugh to myself. I think the way I’m talking is a little weird – weirder than usual – and that’s due to knowing that the person in front of me will ultimately not talk back.
“Actually, I guess I should say something like… thanks for your service?”
When I think about it, a soldier is someone special. Noah usually makes me feel comfortable, but when I consider that he’s someone who’s gone to war, I feel like a little kid with no experience of life next to him.
He chuckles. It’s weird… It’s like he emits some sort of sound, but at the same time, not really, or not enough.
“A… lot… of… peo-ple… say… dat… but… de… army… still… got… rid… of… me”
What he said only hits me once I’m done reading it all off his lips.
“Wh… What?”
That doesn’t make sense.
“But you’re, like… still the Ultimate? That means… You’re literally their best soldier, doesn’t it?”
He shrugs, before looking to the side with a slight pout.
Oh… I feel a little nervous. I hope this isn’t something he was avoiding talking about…
It’d be especially bad since this might be his first conversation with someone that’s not Chris. Eventually, though, he looks at me again and directs his hand towards the hidden half of his face.
“Your injury..?”
Through my nervousness, I’m still overly excited and can’t stop myself from talking.
He lifts his hair, unveiling the right side of his face, and places it behind his ear.
I’ve seen his injuries once before. They’re impressive, and almost painful to look at. Parts of his skin look burnt, some are still puffy and others look like chunks have been taken out. Without touching it, he places his index finger underneath his eye.
“Oh…”
I narrow mine. His right eye is mostly closed… and doesn’t look willing to move.
“Can you… not see out of it anymore?”
He nods. I’m somewhat taken aback.
“But is that enough reason to..?”
Before I can finish my question, he turns his head to show me his ear, lifting his hair up a little more.
Parts of it are red, and even more so than on his face, it looks like entire slabs of his ear lobes have been torn off.
A chill goes through my entire body.
“You can’t… hear out of this ear either?”
I shouldn’t be so shocked. I already know Noah was injured badly enough that he can’t even speak anymore. Still… I didn’t know.
He puts his hair back in place before looking at me again.
“Mostly”
“Ah…”
I wince. I can definitely picture it now… someone who can’t hear or see well is probably not as much use on a battlefield.
“But that’s so unfair! You were injured while on duty, weren’t you? And you’re still the Ultimate Soldier, so they could have at least given you a position in the administr…”
Actually… I don’t know that they didn’t.
Noah sighs. I feel incredibly bad that I made him remember something like that… but I can’t read exactly how he’s feeling.
“No… it’s… o-kay”
“Hmm…”
He smiles. That much reassures me at first, but I quickly see something in his stare that only makes me worry more.
“I… did… not… like… war”
“You… didn’t?”
Argh… I guess that’s a dumb question. No one could like being at war, right?
Someone like me is made to feel completely removed from the situation, but many countries are still at war with one another. Even the United States have some bad international relationships. When you hear about it, it feels like it’s been going on forever, and it’ll never stop.
To me, it’s too much to even think about, but to Noah… it’s something he gets to say he dislikes.
While I would usually expect an Ultimate to like their job, now that I think about it, maybe someone like him is in the perfect position to be allowed to say that they hate it.
“I don’t… like… kil-ling… peo-ple”
…
It’s too much for me.
I reflexively look down for a second, but quickly remember to force myself to look at his lips.
I notice that he’s looking away.
“It’s… de… worst”
“Aaaah…”
I’m not made for this.
But who am I to say Noah was..? I don’t know his circumstances, or why he became a soldier. I mean, it’s not a route that was ever laid in front of me, so how did he end up there?
…And now he’s in front of me. I laugh nervously, but there’s seriously nothing funny.
Mostly… I’m worried about him reliving his trauma.
All I know about it is that it’s a thing, and one I don’t want him to go through.
“It’s, it’s fine. I mean, it’s over now, so… We can talk about something else!”
He shakes his head.
“No..?”
He stares at me intensely.
…
I’m out of words.
“Listen”
“Y-yes?”
I wish I weren’t so antsy right now.
He brings his face closer to mine – which only makes things worse, but to some degree does distract me enough to keep my feet on Earth.
“Never… do it”
“Huh?”
He doesn’t continue immediately…
After a pause, he suddenly starts to smile again. A real smile… Whatever he just thought… it reassured him.
Does he want to reassure me..?
“If… some-body… hurts… you… … you… can… tell… me”
Even though his smile is sincere, his gaze feels… too intense.
I keep looking back and forth between his eye and his lips…
“Ooooh boy.”
“If… you… need… help… I’ll… al-ways… be… there… okay”
“Y-yes.”
Again, dunno why I answered right away.
He narrows his eye to accentuate his smile.
“I’ll… take… care… of… every-thing… for… every-one… who… needs… help”
“Aaaah… Damn it.”
I’m sure he thinks I’m weird for blushing so hard, but I can’t help it. I’m forced to move my head back.
“Don’t overdo it, okay?”
“What”
I sigh.
I don’t know why he said that suddenly… Does he feel guilty for his work? It could be, but that’s not the impression he gave me… Why would he think I’d kill someone?
Maybe… His vision of “killing” and “death” are completely different from mine.
I don’t think I have it in me to consider all that this means, but I do have it in me to care about him.
“Actually, I can’t say that. I always overdo it. So maybe you’re just like me… in that sense at least.”
He continues to stare at me intensely.
“Basically… I’ll do the same for you. If you need anything, I’ll be there too.”
Right away—he tears up.
Huh?
“Wait, what?”
He’s quick to wipe his tears with the back of his hand, and immediately leans towards me and hugs me.
“Oh..!”
“Well, now he’s gonna notice my heart beating way too fast..!”
“Ahem…”
I’m not complaining… This is more like it.
I’m not sure… if I’m ready to understand Noah yet. But being there for each other sounds good to me for now.
“I’m… glad you care, Noah.”
I may not grasp everything quite yet, but I feel like I already know him better than before this conversation started.