CHAPTER 4 · 1 · Citrus peels

It’s morning.
I lay awake in bed, thinking about yesterday. Something’s bothering me.
I led Lois to the hospital room, upstairs. I knew Ciel and Mina’s bodies must have been removed, but I wasn’t brave enough to look at the Music room…
Lois shook her head as soon as she saw the note, as if she’d known what to expect, and were disappointed to find out she’d been right.
I didn’t know what to think. With her, I rarely know. I just know that I want to spend more time together.
I was thinking about my feelings for her. I remember timidly getting close to her… she looked sad. I remember her looking at me…
But then…
I scratch my head, hoping to get to my brain. There’s a… hole.
Thinking about it hard enough, I can recall being inside my bedroom and going to bed… but anything before that… is gone. It’s driving me nuts. What’s wrong with my brain? Will I keep losing memories? It doesn’t matter much what I did yesterday after the trial… It probably wasn’t important, or useful, given how shaken I was. I’m just upset I can’t remember it! Is there anything else I forgot, and didn’t even notice?
Just how much of my own experience am I losing regularly?!
…
Unfortunately, I remember the horrible things that have happened here. Noah murdered Emily. Benjamin… whatever it was Benjamin did, and Andi’s death, and learning about Andi’s past. And now… Oscar’s horrible crime against Ciel and Mina…
I move my hands from my hair to my face, inhaling deeply. It’s not just yesterday’s memories… Whenever I try to process what I do remember, it feels like I can’t go beneath the surface. My thoughts stay at the front of my brain…
…And I’m really, really depressed.
I woke up early this morning, but I’ve stayed in bed since. What time is it now..? I sigh… Sigh again… And sloooooowly move my upper body to grab my Monopad next to the bed. It says…
…10.46AM.
I didn’t realise so much time had passed…
I could stay here forever…
But I know it’s a bad idea. Though it’s a struggle, I force myself to wash, dress up… and what feels like an eternity later, I walk out of my room.

No one in the dormitory.
No one outside.
I know exactly where I’m going… but just walking this distance feels like running a marathon. The bags underneath my eyes feel like they weigh a ton. I wouldn’t be surprised if my neck were to crack. Is it possible for mental exhaustion to make my feet hurt? My throat is sore. My scalp itches.
By the time I push the door to the dining room, I want to hit my head violently against the wall. Can I? Should I..?
Perhaps the fact that there’s someone in there should make the answer an obvious no. That person…
Is lying face first against the table. I would have to be completely out of my mind, though, not to recognise Akiro’s light red hair.
Is he alone? I walk up to the table to sit across from him, but… I can’t muster the strength to say something. In fact… I’m tempted to hit my head against the table as well…
“Grnn…”
The Ultimate writer raises his head slowly… I can’t help but sigh. His face is just too cute.
“Hello…”
“Hey…”
He speaks in a low voice, not far from a whisper.
“Sorry… I’m a bit depressed… I don’t know if I can be… of good company…”
“…”
I think… “yeah, obviously.” Truly, seeing someone usually energetic so deflated, I feel even stiffer.
“You’re more legitimate in being depressed than me… Sorry, I can’t… help it…”
Hearing him speak, though, I can feel his effort.
“We can share… the table of depression… if you want…”
“The table of…”
I catch myself reacting, and have to clear my throat before continuing, with some more intent:
“The table of depression..?”
He lets his head fall slowly again, but removes his arms, so as to not hide himself from my view.
“Yeah. It’s the, the table where we can be depressed in peace.”
“Oh… I like that.”
Since I said it, I guess it must be true.
I take him up on his offer, and lay my head against the surface of the table as well.
“I appreciate that there’s a place for it.”
“I came up with it. I was inspired by all that depression I’m experiencing.”
“Are you still... shaken by yesterday?”
I don’t recall seeing Akiro after the trial, and I didn’t expect to see him first thing today. Whatever it was that happened to him, it was nothing short of scary, and as much as I feel bad seeing him so sad… I feel slightly at peace, seeing that he is calm. That he breathes normally.
“Hmpf... I’m s-s-so sorry… Someone like you lost a close… a close friend… and I ended up making a scene, like it was all about myself…”
…
“I am depressed.”
I say, lying face first against the table.
“But I won’t feel better if you tell yourself to feel bad.”
“Oh… sorry…”
…The exact opposite reaction to what I wanted…
“Then… are you o-okay if we just… accept that we’re both depressed?”
…Never mind, he’s doing fine.
Somehow, I manage to let out a chuckle. Hardly a convincing one.
“Yeah. That’ll do.”
We both sigh at almost the exact same time. We stay silent for a minute, at home against the cold table, until I’m compelled to say something.
“I don’t really understand what happened to you yesterday… that made you feel like this.”
“Hmpf…”
I hope he’s not in some sort of pain, even now. I don’t even have to put words on why I’m depressed. There’s almost something easy about it… too easy, that I hate. Akiro’s breakdown, however, seems more complex.
“It m, it might sound…”
He hesitates, moving his arm underneath his chin to look at me.
“…I’m… deathly… afraid of cars.”
“Oh… cars..? …Oh.”
That’s… that’s what? I’m… confused. He lets his gaze fall towards the table.
“When… Whenever I see someone g-get inside one… I lose my mind… I haven’t gotten int-into one… since… … I’m terrified… I wish they didn’t, didn’t exist…”
He feels this way… towards cars? I couldn’t possibly have known, in this situation… But in his daily life, it must be a real handicap, right?
“Seeing… a c… a c…. c… an a… accident… was way too much…”
I don’t know what to say, and stay silent for a few long seconds.
A reaction like that… He says he “loses his mind” just seeing someone else get inside a car. If that’s so… actually witnessing an accident might have caused his most extreme possible reaction.
My depressed state feels unchanged…
“What happened?” I eventually ask.
My tongue speaks for itself.
I may not have a lot of experience to speak of… but I don’t assume someone could feel this way for no reason.
“…Both my parents died in a car accident.”
“Wha-arck?!”
Aaaaaaaaaand I’m choking.
I cough… cough some more…
Eurgh… This shouldn’t have taken me by surprise the way it did.
“S-Sorry.”
If anything, this brought some life back into my body… I’ll still lay my head on top of my arms, though.
“My condolences… If you want to hear it from me.”
He looks at me with his big round eyes, but it’s hard to read his expression, other than “a little sad.”
“Y-You don’t have to worry about it. I was a kid when, when it happened.”
“Oh…”
…That doesn’t sound much better, I think?
“Tha-that’s probably why I grew an irrational f-fear... like that. Well… I have another… another one, because of the same thing. It feels l-like… my brain is trying to kill me.”
“I… see…”
So yesterday, when he saw Oscar’s execution…
I guess… It’s hard to put myself in his situation. Even though I can’t imagine what went on in his brain, I can figure out that watching a car crash, when you lost your parents to one as a child, must feel like something.
I don’t even know if I have parents at all. But Akiro remembers his parents dying.
“Is this why…”
The truth is, there is very little I know about him. All I know is… how he reacts to crisis.
“Is this why you don’t live in Japan anymore? That’s where you were born, right?”
“Hm-hm. Yes.”
He looks away, towards the kitchen, for a couple seconds before sighing.
“My parents… My adoptive parents are journalists, wh-who travel all over the world.”
“Oh… and somewhere during their travels, they picked you up and brought you along.”
“Oh...”
Akiro tears up. Oops. Fuck. Damn it!
“I l… I like this way of looking at it.”
Ah.
Although he says that, he lowers his eyes again.
“I miss them... We had so much time together, but lately... all I ever showed them was my bitterness…”
…
… … This is confusing me… Akiro speaks about bitterness, but an overwhelming sweet smell suddenly fills up the room.
“Nooooo, did Neo make you cry?”
Ah..!
Jan!
Seeing him, I feel… maybe not happy, but…
“Yus.”
Just out of the kitchen, the pianist brings two mugs of hot chocolate with him. With a soft smile, he sets both down, and delicately pushes one close to Akiro.
“Your happiness in a cup~”
Akiro doesn’t say anything, but he pokes at the cup with the tip of his finger, and his lips curl up into a shy smile.
“Neo…”
Jan turns to me rather abruptly, and my reaction is to open my eyes wide.
Since when have I been sitting upright?
“I wish I’d known you’d come… you were a bit late for me to prepare another hot cocoa, but I noticed you drank tea, so I have a cup steeping in the kitchen for you. I hope that’ll do!”
“Hah? W-What, seriously?”
He… I didn’t even know he was there! The chocolate smells delicious… But that he’d put in extra effort just for me… He’s unbelievable.
“Of… Of course, that’s… way too nice.”
“No way, it’s really the least I could do. Coming right up!”
His smile even bigger, he spins swiftly on his feet to walk back into the kitchen.
I’m left dumbfounded…
Is the sweet smell emanating from the two cups of chocolate… or his personality?
Facing me, Akiro straightens his shoulders to slide the mug closer in front of him, a sincere smile on his face. Defeated as he just appeared, its genuineness is confusing to look at. He stares at it for some seconds more, before abruptly looking up at me and whispering:
“Aren’t you afraid of being too happy?”
“...Huh?”
Just a couple minutes ago, we both agreed that we were nothing short of miserable. As he spoke, obvious sadness twisted what little voice he could allow out. All it took to change his attitude completely was… …
“I can’t… I can’t help thinking about it.” he continues.
He whispers, this time intentionally, poorly hiding what is inspiring him.
“After all… There is nothing scarier than the pain of falling from atop. Flying too high puts me at risk of plummeting to the ground. That’s why… I think it easier to suffer to begin with. I actually find that it suits me… it comforts me… I then find a rush in messing up, knowing that it won’t matter in the end. I find myself loving it. Still, at the same time, nothing beats being too happy…”
He finally takes a sip, and can’t help his lips from curling up even more intensely, the anguish fading away from his face.
“Nothing beats soaring… I know it, and it scares me.”
The grin doesn’t leave his face… He speaks without stuttering, exemplifying his own metaphor – basking in the pleasant smell of his sweet treat, he’s over the moon, feet stuck in a puddle of his own fears, his head too high up to feel them.
Could he truly escape?
The mug full of tea being slid in front of me… does not, in fact, answer my question.
I look up, and seeing Jan’s pure smile, can’t help but shake my head.
“Thank you so much…”
“Hm-hm. Next time, I’ll make sweet treats for everyone.”
He sits next to Akiro, grabbing his own cup of cocoa.
“What were you talking about?”
“We were saying you’re a dummy.”
Liar,,
Akiro brings his drink closer to him, hugging it almost. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he’s a chocolate addict…
I take a sip of my tea…
Wh… What..? It’s ridiculously good… It might be because I feel so bad…
“Aah..!” I just realised, I like to drink my tea sweet, and Jan put just enough sugar without even asking.
“It’s true, but you shouldn’t say it.”
“Blah blah blah.”
I sigh yet again… Calling Jan a dummy – Akiro knows that’s a joke. He came through for us yesterday…
He worked along with Ciel… to save us.
“You should be nicer to Jan…”
I can’t help but smile.
Damn it… they’re getting to me.
“He is nice to me.”
“Hm-hm… The… The other day, I w- he interrupted me while I was reading a r-really good book, and I didn’t even punch him.”
“Yesterday afternoon, you ran through your tears to grab that book recs list you’re writing for me, because you suddenly thought of a story I’d like.”
“You don’t underst- you’re going to LOVE the deuteragonist!”
Saying that, Akiro grabs his cup handle with intensity. Meanwhile, Jan grabs his other arm softly, and lifts it up to show it to me.
“…He cut himself on a corner.”
…
“These dinosaur Band-Aids are spreading like the plague..!”
“I couldn’t see, I was CRYING.”
“I know…”
He smiles, he’s always smiling. If it were anyone else, I would eventually assume it’s fake – but to Jan, it feels like a default state. That’s why… anything else feels like something precious is under attack.
“How are you, Jan?”
Jan isn’t a master of making tea. His talent is to play music. If it tastes so delicious, it’s because I needed it right now, because he made me want it, because he made it carefully, and because he went as far as to pay attention to my tastes…
And I’m just some random person, stuck here by mischance with him.
“Hm?”
“Akiro and I know we’re depressed, but what about you?”
“Chocolatey depression...”
…Considering that Jan pays attention to our tastes, maybe Akiro is a chocolate addict.
“Well… I’m all sorts of worried.”
“Ah..?”
He directs his gaze slightly behind me.
“About the past, about the present, about the future. About lunch.”
“God damn it, Jan.”
Though… I wonder if this isn’t a real peek into his thoughts.
“Really, don’t get me started.”
He turns his attention to Akiro again, and raises his cup of cocoa in front of him.
“Hey, it tastes rather nice, right?”
“Yes, Jan… It’s delicious.”
“Yes… I’m glad!”
He takes a sip, and puts the mug back down to look at me. At this point… his expression falls, and he sighs.
This is what I mean… This is what stands out.
“It’s just… Alice…”
“Alice?”
Alice..? What is there to be worried about Alice? It’s true that she isn’t here… Without her, it feels a bit lonely.
“Hmm…”
Jan bobs his head from left to right with a sad pout. Nothing more depressing.
“She’s upset with me, not with you.”
“Huh?”
“I’m not sure… I felt like…”
“You didn’t do anything wrong!”
“Well… neither did you…”
“Sure, but I hurt her feelings.”
“It’s not your fault…”
“But the result is the same.”
“But you didn’t do it on purpose…”
Aaaargh, stop looking sad..!
“W-What do you mean… Alice is upset with you?”
“Sh-She left when she saw me this morning. L-Like, obvious “nope.””
“I don’t want her to be mad at you…”
“I’m… sorry.”
“You couldn’t do anything about it…”
…Alice is mad at Akiro?
By the looks of it, Jan can’t wrap his head around it. Is there a reason for her to be mad..?
“Is this about… after the trial?”
“I, I think, be-because she didn’t come with us after, afterwards. But I p-promise… When she turned around, I asked her to stay, but she still…”
He glances at Jan instead of finishing his sentence.
“Why wouldn’t she want to clear things up..? She can’t do this to you..!”
“It’s, it’s okay, Jan!”
“She, uh… She was clearly shocked by your rejection. But you didn’t do it on purpose, right?”
He shakes his head.
“I d… I couldn’t… I couldn’t do anything about it.”
The same thing Jan said. They probably talked about it.
“I want her to spend time with us, too…”
“Jan…”
“She’ll be around, you know. Chloe said she’d stay with her.”
“Yeah… As long as she’s with someone…”
Jan sighs… He takes another sip of his drink, and lets a few seconds go by before shaking his head and smiling, in an obvious attempt to reassure me.
“See? I told you I was worried. But I’ll give it a little more time before I get upset.”
“Don’t just… put yourself on a timer…”
“Fifty nine… Fifty eight… Fifty seven…”
“Oh, shut up!”
The Ultimate Pianist responds by smiling.
I honestly don’t know what else to say. The three of us stay silent, enjoying our drinks… It’s hard not to feel warm, literally and metaphorically, tasting a treat that was made specially for us.
In that way, we feel peaceful. The atmosphere is calm, the room is silent...
But now that I realise it, someone’s obviously missing. Jan and Akiro make a good pair, but Alice has been with them from the start.
She’s not… … She’s not gone… But if I feel stronger when she’s here, what of the two people who chose to spend all their time with her?
Should I talk to her..?
“Oh… You have some chocolate on your nose.”
“On my… seriously? How?”
“You tell me!”

We stayed there a little longer, enjoying our drinks.

A thought keeps gnawing at my brain.
“I want to be their friend.”
It should be fine. It should be par for the course. But something else is eating at me… It’s hard to put words on it… But in short…
“It’s a bad idea.”
“Let me wash this.”
Standing up, Jan takes each of our now empty mugs.
“No, I should…”
“No, no, no. You’re resting today, I said.”
He rushes towards the kitchen, as if to stop Akiro from running after him.
“According to you, I should be resting everyday…”
“Hmm, I don’t think that’s true.”
Into the kitchen he goes…
I should have offered to do it, but I couldn’t help paying close attention to their interaction.
“Still…”
Akiro looks away, pouting.
We’re left alone in the dining room again… Though I don’t think Jan will take long.
“What… are you gonna do after that?”
“…”
No response.
Why..?
Maybe he doesn’t want me to be here anymore. After all…
…Well, I’d love to continue chastising myself, but it’s hard to ignore his face becoming violently redder.
“Uuuh…”
“S-S-S-Sorry.”
“What? For what?”
He grabs his head between his hands.
“I he… I hesitated for t-too long… and I didn’t say any, anything… and I w-w-waited so long, it made no sense t-to answer at that point, s-so I should have come up with something to say inste-instead, but I didn’t know what, and…”
“It’s fine, it’s fine..!”
It really is…
“You just… get shy, right? I’m starting to know you.”
“Hmpf… Well… A lot of people never, never get used to it…”
He sighs.
“A lot…”
“Really? I don’t think it hurts anyone, though.”
“Hmm… No… In my d-daily life, I’m just a hindrance, that c-can’t be normal and catch up…”
“Hah?”
Is that seriously how he feels..? I don’t have time to ask more about it, because Jan enters the scene once more.
“Are we gonna... … sorry, did I interrupt you?”
“Uuuh, no… you’re saving me from the hole I just dug.”
“Is that so..? I was just going to ask if the both of you felt up to exploring the new rooms.”
“Oh… Yeah, that’s what I was supposed to say we were gonna do…”
The new rooms…
Oh. Did another floor open yet again?
“So, do you feel like it? And what about you, Neo? Since we weren’t sure we’d feel up to it, we didn’t even look at the map yet.”
“Ah? How do you know there are new rooms now, then?”
Jan blinks very fast.
“...Do you think we assumed wrong? That’d be very embarrassing.”
“Uhm…”
While the pianist and I were staring at each other, Akiro apparently took his Monopad out of his pocket and looked for the new map.
“I don’t… I don’t know if I want to go there.”
“Ah, so we were right!”
He slides himself behind the Writer, and looking at his screen, narrows his eyes.
“Wha..?”
…
Oh, why am I making myself endure so much suspense?
I grab my own tablet out of my pocket… moving my arms reminds me that my entire body feels sore.
Still, I have to look at this map…

Spoiler:

The floors are labelled… starting with the “first floor.” I should probably stick to this terminology… instead of fooling around.
“What’s that room at the top?”
“I don’t want to know…”
Let’s look at the map, now…
… …
… … …What do they mean, the room “at the top”?!
“What’s that supposed to be in the bottom right?!”
“Hmm…”
“I d, I don’t want to hear your guess.”
“It’s a room specifically for Akiro, who recently celebrated his eighteenth—”
“No.”
“Haha…”
Even laughing gives me a headache. And he’s still in the mood to troll?
How does he do it?
“Well, should we go look?”
“You sound like you really want to.”
“Yes… to be clear, it was already the case before we looked at it.”
He smirks…
“Hmpf… And now your interest is piqued even more…”
“Hah? You’re making me sound like a perv!”
“Ah—! N-No, I meant..!”
Akiro blushes hard, and loses his voice again.
“But Jan is the one you embarrassed, this time…”
“Now that’s unprecedented.”
He shakes his head… but he sounds like he’s having a little too much fun.
I need to be extra nice to him… if I want to even reach half of the kindness he’s extended to all of us.
“You did… sound interested before.”
“Hm-hm. I want to make sure… we don’t miss out on anything.”
“Really..? Well… Can I come with you?”
Because on my own, I’d probably end up curled up in a corner.
“Of course! We’ll explore with Neo again! Right?”
“Y-Yes… Good idea.”
That sounded far too genuine. What am I bringing to the table?
“Let’s go, before I...”
He marks a pause…
A very long one. At the end of it, he intensifies his smile.
“...worry too much.”

That’s how I end up taking the stairs along Akiro and Jan.
I should feel reassured to be accompanied by those two, but… I’m suffering, here.
“Pff… Am I the only one who feels incredibly… sore? Since yesterday…”
“Oh n-no, don’t even get me… started. If I, if I could, I’d spend the remainder of my existence in bed.”
“Oh, phew.”
Now that I know he feels the same… yeah, it makes sense.
“That’s depressing.”
Jan walks in front of us. I bet he’s feeling just fine, somehow…
Ah, well, when he reaches the third floor, I feel compelled to pick up my pace to catch up to him.
“Wait… Is it okay if we check something first?”
“Yes? What is it?”
“I just want to… take a look inside the library.”
“Sure.”
Not even questioning me, Jan – as well as the sound of Akiro’s steps – follows me through the hallway and towards the first door on our left.
I don’t know exactly why I wanted to… but my lips curl up in a slight smile when I find Keith sitting at a table, surrounded by piles of books.
“Oh. Hey.”
No, really… what is making me care?
“Hey, Keith… I thought you’d be here.”
“You know it. Were you looking for me?”
He puts a bookmark inside of a ridiculously thick book on his right and closes it, before raising his nose to look at me.
“No… I just… We were passing by.”
The two boys behind me make their way inside the library, passing me by.
“You’re studying… like you mentioned yesterday, right? That’s commendable.”
“Well… I’m trying.”
Akiro walks behind the Sexologist, and with a peaceful smile, takes a glance at the few books he still has open in front of him. After a few seconds of reading, he pouts.
“D…Do you understand all of this?”
“Not all of it, no. But I think I’m doing a decent job for someone with no direction.”
I’m starting to feel like we’re just bothering someone who was trying to focus. That could just be me, though, because he doesn’t look unnerved… at all. Coming from Keith, that’s a little surprising…
I think?
He turns a page and jolts something down on a piece of paper.
“I’m just worried these might be slightly outdated…”
“Oh? W-Why?”
“Well, because of the book format.”
“What? N-No, not at all! Books never went out of fashion!”
Keith chuckles.
“Oh yeah? Are you the type to still write with a quill?”
“Pff… No…”
“I bet you just type everything.”
“Hmm… Depends…”
Akiro continues to look around the table, obviously curious about the books laying on top of it.
“I type out a lot of things… But I also like writing in my own notebook.”
“Oh, I see.”
From the way Keith looks at Akiro… for some reason, he must be interested in him.
“It must be practical to just type whatever you have in mind while you’re sitting at the computer, right? I assume you’re the type who spends a lot of time online.”
“N-No…”
The Ultimate Writer looks away for a few seconds, his expression suddenly darker.
“I haven’t been able to interact with anyone online… in a… in a very long time.”
“Oh.”
It’s not hard to see Keith’s worry that he messed up. I wonder if Akiro’s all that upset, though..? He spins on his feet to reach next to Keith and grab an incredibly thick book. He opens it, and glances at a random page for a few seconds, before smiling again.
“I used to spend hours upon hours reading encyclopaedias and the such… fooling myself that I could understand any of it.”
The Sexologist doesn’t follow it up immediately.
“…You look better than yesterday.”
“Hm-hm.”
“I’d say you even look in a good mood. Is it being surrounded by your body of work?”
“Maybeee…”
He sets the book down and walks behind Keith to glance at whatever he has spread out in front of him, again.
“You smell like chocolate.”
“Aaah… R-Really?”
“That’s what it is, right?”
With a peaceful look of his own, Keith turns his head towards a different direction. Following his gaze, I find Jan, staring at a shelf like he’s looking for something.
I forgot to pay attention…
“It works wonders.”
…But Jan isn’t easily caught off guard.
Giving up on his search, he spins on his feet to look in Keith and Akiro’s direction.
“I’ll make more treats for everyone. Besides, chocolate is a nice scent on Akiro, right?”
How can they all look so calm?
“Yes, yes. It’s sweet… … like him.”
“Jan… b-baited you into saying that.”
Is this okay..?
“I’ve seen scarier bait.”
Standing here, listening to everyone else from the background…
“You’re bright.”
The pianist walks up to the duo, and though he glances at the open books like Akiro did, he quickly loses interest.
“You were studying, right? We’re probably bothering you…”
“No... A mental break is always welcome. What are you up to, though?”
“You know me… mischief.”
“No, I don’t think so. If that’s what, then apparently I don’t know you.”
“We’re... s… superheroes on a mission!”
“The mission is checking out the new floor.”
“Ah, yes. I haven’t been yet.”
“…Have you looked at the map? Did you see that room?”
Hm? Is this the first thing I’ve said in a long while? My head hurts just from saying a few words…
I should have really said anything before this, though, because I’m giving myself a bad look.
“I have. I’m not sure I want to know what is in there, though.”
“Oh… So you won’t join us?”
Jan has slid himself in-between the Writer and the Sexologist, and he leans towards the table to look at the latter’s face.
“No... I need to keep working.”
(“The latter” blushes.)
“That’s commendable.”
“You… already said that.”
“It’s true. It’s really true.”
Standing up normally, Jan shrugs.
“Then I’ll have to see you at lunchtime, hmm?”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Sweet!”
“Are we, are we going, then?”
“Sounds like it.”
“Ah, but wait... Neo, weren’t you looking to tell me something? Or ask me something?”
…Me?
A person with such a genuine look… is that who you are, Keith?
“No, I… just wanted to check up on you.”
“Oh.”
He looks down, though rather towards nothing than towards his studies. His face stiffens, accentuating a pained look in his eyes.
“Thank you... I appreciate it.”

With that out of the way… The three of us left the library and walked up another flight of stairs.

Reaching the fourth floor… we’re faced with a terrifying room.
A door that’s already closed, yet feels like a slap in my face.
But I’m not the one to freeze in front of it… Jan is.
“…What’s up, S… Jan?”
Without answering, the Pianist takes a few steps towards the Music room… before stopping abruptly to turn towards me.
“Please don’t feel pressured to follow me. I just want to take a look.”
…
“…Please don’t follow me, Neo.”
With an uncannily serious look on his face, he resumes walking…
On the side, Akiro looks at me with a nervous expression.
When Jan walks into the Music room, I take a step forward… then another… until we’re inside.

It’s…
Empty.
“I apologise, Neo. Maybe I should’ve gone in another time.”
…
“It’s fine, isn’t it?”
Jan thinks I felt pressured to follow him. But the reality is, I’m a coward.
Or… I think I am. Actually, I’m not sure what that means to me.
“It, it is?”
It’s just… even though I’m not sure what I want, I think that if I hadn’t wanted to come in, I wouldn’t have.
“They cleaned it up. There’s nothing here.”
No goodbyes. No memories to hang onto.
“Nothing…”
He looks towards the door… I have to assume Akiro’s there… then takes a few more steps inside the room.
“Well, I’m glad I’m not making you feel too bad.”
“With you? Just being in your company would put a smile on anyone’s face.”
“Oh...”
When he looks at me with such a soft smile… It makes me feel like I’m melting.
(What does that mean about who I am?)
“That’s so nice.”
“I don’t get how you keep getting surprised that people like you.”
“Speak for yourself.”
Jan walks to the side of the room, where the piano used to be.
Well… it’s not that it’s not there anymore.
“Pff… I see…”
“Are you... upset about it?”
What’s left of the piano… I don’t know enough about musical instruments to describe it accurately. It’s only its body, with no legs, and there are cracks all the way underneath.
Thankfully…
There’s nobody underneath.
“If you mean… about not being able to play it anymore…”
He kneels in front of the keyboard and… plays a short melody.
Evidently, the piano still works.
“Not so much. Most importantly, I can go without playing.”
“...I liked to listen to you play.”
“You know I’ll play more for you in the future.”
“Hmmmmmmpffff………”
Who needs a space heater when you can just make Akiro blush?
(…Am I witty enough to think that?)
“But...”
He lets his hand hover over the keyboard hesitantly for a few seconds before hitting a single key with his index finger.
“I feel bad...”
“About what..?”
“About leaving it behind.”
“Jan…”
Akiro sighs, but his disapproval isn’t a criticism of the pianist. That, I can hear just right.
“It’s a piano.”
“Yes…”
He hits a few more keys, forming a short but pleasant air.
“I’m sorry, you know.”
He keeps talking… hitting more keys, creating a melody perfectly tuned to his speech.
“You were put here one day, and played your role to perfection…”
The music completes his sentences… punctuating them, adding to them. Soon, I lose all ability to focus on anything else.

“And you, yourself, did nothing wrong…
Still, you were used as a tool for something awful…
By somebody heinous.
They left you with scars… but you still work.
What happened wasn’t your fault…
Despite what we feel, you continue to function…
You continue to be, so I will remember you.”

He spoke in a low tone, to the instrument itself.
His melodious voice, his masterful playing…
Comforted me.
“Jan… why?”
“A room is always made better with a piano inside of it…”
He stands up.
Such as the tune he played… he looks peaceful… pleasant.
“But this place didn’t deserve one.”
“Do you think so?”
“Don’t you?”
“Beauty in the ugly… Ugly in the beautiful… It’s part of life.”
“Such is death,” I think. But I’d rather not be inspired like that.
“You have an artistic mind.”
“I think the way I look at it is comforting. Everything about here is hideous, but all thanks to a beautiful piece of furniture, you were able to play us pleasant melodies for a while.”
“I know. I missed… I wish… I wish I could always look at things like that.”
“...I guess… Now it’s up to us to continue looking for the next shiny object.”
The way those two bounce off each other…
Isn’t it the cause of many beautiful things?
“Are you saying we should resume our way upstairs?”
“… …See, you’re reading between the lines. I was thinking that, but I would have told you it anyway.”
“I can’t waste your precious time…”
Alice…
Argh, it feels wrong that she’s not with us. Like I shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy Akiro and Jan’s company if she can’t.
During the trial, Alice pointed out that Jan managed to say some things that would come off sarcastically coming from literally anyone else with obvious genuineness. Rather than a comeback, this is… an admission.
“…what do you think will be the next pretty thing we see, though?”
“I dunno. Maybe that room that’s rated 18 or something.”
This wasn’t so genuine.
“Speak for yourself!”
Jan always remains sweet, he always keeps his cool… He has a beautiful smile, and I’m reminded that the people he met here are making it easier for him…
Some of them…
Most of the time.
I’m worried about Alice, but I will always… forever… miss Ciel.
“Do you want to move on, Neo? I’m still curious.”
Jan’s voice immediately brings light around me, when I suddenly felt like I was being literally surrounded by the darkness that usually hides inside my heart.
I know he meant to, and… knowing how much I love him, knowing how much I need him, the bitterness it makes me feel towards him makes me hate myself deeply.
“…Yeah. Let’s.”
(But… maybe one day I’ll be good like you, right? I still have time, right? I still have a chance, right?)
“Well th—”
Although we should expect everything awful from this place, all three of us still jump when Jan is interrupted by a loud THUD followed by a shriek, extremely close by.

When Jan runs out of the Music room, he’s looking in the right direction.
Absolutely certain of where the sound came from, I run past him to be the first to open the door to the new exercising room.
As I take a step inside…
Something rolls in my direction…
Namely, a small dumbbell. Probably the type they’d give me if I even wanted to start bulking up.
“Jeez, lady, be careful!”
“What? Do you think I did it on purpose? I’m not in the business of bruising my feet!”
“Did you? Did you hurt yourself?”
“No. It’s fine. You saw me move out of the way.”
“Well, keep doing that. I’ll put ‘em back into place.”
“Pff…”
…If everything relied on “show, don’t tell”, I might be out of a job.
Multiple dumbbells are scattered around the floor, none of them moving anywhere anymore.
“…Hm. Hello.”
“Oh. Hey. What brings the bunch of you here?”
“Well, you sort of scared us.”
“Shit. Sorry. It musta made a scary fucking sound.”
“It was an accident.”
“I know.”
Chris squats to gather a few of the fallen objects wherever she can hold them, and Jan is quick to join her.
“Don’t worry about it…”
“I could do it. I can put those back.”
“Don’t worry. Look, we were too quick on the draw.”
It doesn’t take long for the both of them to put everything back neatly in a box set down right next to Isabella.
If Akiro’s usual awkwardness if anything to go by, he must feel equally as stupid as I do, just standing near the doorway in silence.
“You make me feel stupid.”
…I guess it counts for her too.
Isabella sounds moody as usual, though in her expression I read more worry than I usually do.
“What? What did I do now?”
“Picking up after me like I’m a child. And then Jan joined you because he felt bad… for you.”
“…I was running out of arms.”
Timing-wise, it looks like she identified what prompted his help well.
“Well, I still had two left.”
“J-Jan wasn’t gonna look, look up at you and g-go: “a-alright, want to help pick up after yourself, idiot?” That would be, would be an alternate universe.”
“…Hm.”
“...A-And Chris isn’t here to deal with you being m-moody.”
“Wow...”
It’s weird… this sensation… like I just skirted by “déjà-vu”… to land in something uncanny.
After defending Jan, it appears that Akiro stayed on a roll. But, uh… isn’t that a little… risky..?
“Y-Yeah.”
“You’re one to talk. You’ve thrown more than one hissy fit recently.”
“Hey.”
“I’m, I’m not a model of conduct, but I’m not blaming people unfairly.”
“I’m not blaming… I haven’t said anything.”
“I guess Akiro is empathising with me. I just meant to be helpful.”
“Grr...”
Why is she growling? Why am I expecting Akiro to growl back???
“Well it makes me feel worse… Because I… Because I feel like a… like a…”
Isabella continues to speak, however, gritting her teeth with more and more intensity to the point it’s hindering her ability to speak.
“…I’m… I’m sorry, okay?!”
Blood rushes to her face, but after inhaling then letting out a long sigh, she relaxes drastically.
“…Please accept my apologies. I wasn’t careful. Thanks for picking it all up when it was my bad. I wish I could have helped, but I guess you’re more suited for it.”
…“Akiro, can you help me find the words to describe the face Chris is making? I need it for narrative purposes.”
Speaking in a soft tone, picking out her words carefully, she reminds me of what I once wrongly assumed was her default.
“Uuuh… okay.”
Isabella looks away.
“I don’t really know of any other way to put it.”
“S… See? You did a better job than I would have.”
“That’s a low bar to cross.”
“… … … … Yeah.”
“I disagree.”
“You’re a fool.”
“Me?”
“Where’s your girl? Did you replace her with yet another fool?”
Her glance is obviously angled in my direction.
“Unless Neo’s the one… …”
She rolls her eyes, and it seems that exceptionally, she’s keeping a mean thought to herself.
What was it..?
What was it?
“Alice is upset with m, with me.”
“Isabella already knows that. I’m glad Jan has your back, though. Chloe decided to stay with Alice in the meantime, so as it turns out, it’s just us now.”
Do these two even like each other, though?
“Gotta take a chance when you see it…”
“Hmm?”
“Whatever. So this is why we’re collaborating. Cooperating. Left to our own devices.”
“Is that alright with you…?”
“Sure. Whatever.”
“Would you care to collaborate with us?”
“In what?”
“Exploring the new rooms. We could do with a feminine presence…”
Jan shrugs, with a smile as usual. Critics have pointed out that the first part of this chapter didn’t pass the Bechdel test so far – but what good critic doesn’t know what the Bechdel test is actually about?
“What for? …The exploring the new rooms, I mean.”
“…Oh.”
I think Jan was about to genuinely explain why he may enjoy the presence of a woman.
“…It’s probably safer, isn’t it?”
“Safer…?”
“W-W-Well if the, if the new rooms just so happened to have an exit but we n-never bothered to look, we’d look pretty stupid, wouldn’t we?”
“…I’d feel stupid for even hoping that’s the case.”
“Better safe than sorry, right? Either way, I’d rather have a good understanding of what is at everyone’s disposal.”
“You’re always playing it safe.”
“And what for?”
“Whatchu mean “what for”?”
“Survival? Didn’t Mina try to play it safe? But the very people who were supposed to protect her…”
“That’s…”
…What?
I opened my mouth… I have something to say… But what?
“…I don’t much care for myself.”
“Huh?”
“I’ve never thought of just protecting myself. Chris says I play it safe, and I understand what she’s referring to… but when that wasp engine grabbed me, it crossed my mind for a second that that was it.”
“Jan…!”
Akiro shoves himself next to the Pianist, grabbing his arm and almost pushing him enough to make him lose his balance – and he bites his tongue, though he probably can’t even find words to describe his upset.
“…I knew it. You’re a fool.”
“And you aren’t? We all are.”
“As long as someone, anyone guards the room full of weapons, no one can hurt anyone.”
“...I… know.”
I can’t be expected to find my words now.
Weirdly, Isabella puts it better than we could. And what does that even mean… about us?
About me?
For some reason, she grabs what looks like a palette of make-up and a brush out of her back pocket.
“Ah, wait, that failed. Well, let’s reconsider. I’ll hide the kitchen knives, so next time someone kills, we’ll at least know what trajectory they took. I’ll swallow the key, and surely I’ll be fine.”
Isabella takes a step towards Jan. Akiro covers him with his arm over his chest, ready to push him away – but the Make-up Artist hovers the brush over a stark white powder from her palette before hovering it over the Pianist’s face.
“But it’s not enough. When my friend is under attack, I’ll jump in front of him and take the hit instead. Somehow, I’ll survive.”
She snaps a stick of red lipstick, apparently from underneath her sleeve, and motions it in a heart shape a couple centimetres away from the bottom of his face.
“And when the innocent girl is under attack… I’ll follow her assailant to find her and save her.”
She punctuates that by faking putting a dot of lipstick on his nose.
…
“But what happens next?”
“What happens next is that y, you shut up.”
Isabella laughs, but it’s insincere.
…
“What happens next… Is that the ones you love will be all alone.”
Though his frustration could look more extreme, Jan looks down and bites his lip.
…
“I see.”
“Do you now?”
Somehow… his expression relaxes entirely. He smiles… he looks so sweet.
“Of course. Let’s spend some time together once we’re out of there. Enjoy the outside… See where life brings us.”
“Oh, what an asshole!”
Isabella rolls her eyes and Chris finds it within herself to chuckle.
“Pff... As long as you have something to look forward to, Jan.”
“Oh, I do.”
So sweet… so warm… like unexpected sunshine on a cold winter day.
“I’m willing to protect that.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Like you know better.”
“Beside, I never have time to do that.”
“Do what?”
Ouch… the flush in my own face feels like a slap.
“Enjoy the outside. Look at where my life is going. The second I’m out of here, I’ll be busy again.”
“S-Seriously? After all that happened here… You’ll deserve a break, just like any of us.”
“But who will make it there?”
“Let’s arrange things for the better. You’ll be coming out with a new outlook on life, right?”
Isabella looks vexed, and I expect her to snap back, but… instead, she lets out a long sigh.
“I can’t listen to you. Not so long as you can’t understand me.”
“But I would be happy to.”
“No. Let’s hope you won’t.”
With a frustrated click of the tongue, she puts all of her tools back inside her pockets.
“Weren’t we busy? It’s my fault for making noise and attracting all of you here.”
“Were you…?”
“Uuuuh… Ah. Right. The reason we came here in the first place was for me to gather some equipment.”
“Equip…Equipment?”
“It deeply hurts my soul to acknowledge that it was partly inspired by something… eurgh, Oscar said… but I think if I want to bulk up and take back the time I wasted, I should probably bring some equipment to my room. I thought using the gymnasium for what it was originally intended would make me feel better about the place… But the other girlie agrees that I’d be putting myself in too much danger if I kept at it.”
“Can I say something that’ll make you feel better?”
“Sure…?”
“It was Akiro’s idea.”
“What?”
“The one who suggested bringing equipment from here to the dorm, that was Akiro.”
“…Oh.”
“I don’t really see how… How that’s…”
“Are you kidding?”
Her smile, too, is beautiful. With her ever-intense gaze, it communicates such strength… It feels exceptional.
“That’s way nicer. Thinking of it being your idea… makes it a lot more wholesome.”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaahh…”
“You remind me of her.”
Suddenly, my voice comes out of my body.
“Chris.”
“What?”
“You remind me of her.”
“Who?”
…
Who?
… …
Wait, I…
I…
“...I don’t know.”

…
… …
… … …

Eventually, as I stared at the ground, feeling my mind go blank, the boys and the girls agreed to go separate ways.
“M… Maybe we could have just waited for them, I guess. Accompanied them, if you wanted.”
“No… I feel like we’re already taking too long.”
“Ah… right.”
Since the reason they were in the exercising equipment room in the first place was to grab stuff to bring back to Chris’ room, they weren’t planning on going to the new floor with us right now.
It’s only mid-way through the stairs that I snap back to existence… Reminded that my EVERYTHING HURTS.
“Uggggghhhhhh…”
“Y-You’re already tired, and we haven’t even started exploring y-yet.”
True…
Well… Giving it some thought…
“Honestly, I’ll feel a thousand times better once we’re there already.”
“...First, by the way.”
Of course, Jan beat us to it.
“Hmmmmmm...”
Turning his attention to him, Akiro hesitates for a short few seconds before pushing through the last few steps to run towards him.
“Second!”
Without hesitation this time, he lets himself fall into his beau’s arms at the top of the stairs.
(Sigh.)
“Too cute. What’s that about?”
“I’m tired… You should carry me.”
“I thought Neo was the one who was tired.”
“Yeah… do you want to carry me up those last steps?”
“D-Do you want to face my wrath forever?”
Hm.
“I don’t see why you’re saying that.”
“I’m tireeeed.”
“It’s making you act dumb.”
“Maybeeee.”
With all that, I’ve now reached the top of the stairs without Jan carrying me, and Akiro is still coddling himself against him.
“You should stay close to meeeee.”
“…I know why you’re saying that. You don’t have to play dumb.”
For calling him dumb, the way he passes his hand against his arm seems awfully soft.
My mind went somewhere else first, but a different thought crosses it that Jan appears to treat his friends and his enemies with just as much care. What a peculiar person, when you think about it…
I love him.
I need him.
“I’m trying my best. I’m the awkward type. So maybe I’m leaning a little too much into it…”
“What do you say we get it out of the way?”
“Yes.”
…………..?
Well, Jan turns to me.
“Let’s go!”
“Y-Yes?”
………………………….I don’t get what they were talking about, but he turns around, and both take a few steps inside the new hallway.
I follow them, of course… And there truly isn’t much to note. It looks the same as all the other floors we just walked across… except this one may have the fewest doors, with only three that I can see – one of them way larger than the others. That being said, I’d already looked at the map, so I was expecting it.
The largest doorway is in fact a clear one, leading to a full view of an extremely large pool.
“Wow! There it is!”
Jan throws himself towards it enthusiastically.
“Hmpf…”
Almost close enough to the windowed door to touch it with the tip of his nose, Jan softly and silently claps his hands, though fast and for a long time. He looks like a child who’s never seen a pool before.
“It’s huge! It looks almost like… almost Olympic-size. How big would that be? 50 metres? Is that accurate?”
How should we know that…?
Without waiting for an answer, he rushes to the sliding door to open it and step inside.
“Wow, it smells!”
Rather than clap this time, the Pianist shakes his hands erratically in front of his face – though his excitement is still palpable. It smells like a normal pool to me…
Yeah… This seems to me like what a pool would normally smell like.
“It’s chlorine… It’s an irritant. Though it’s safer with it…”
“That wouldn’t be good for me. But…”
Jan walks closer to the water and kneels next to it. For some reason, Akiro, next to me, cringes visibly.
“It’s pretty… It’s so pretty…”
He dips his hand in the water to admire it.
“J-Jan… I…”
“I know. It looks deep. It’s scary, when you think about it.”
“And yet… you’re so excited.”
Truly – Jan’s change in behaviour was so sudden, it’s been hard for me to describe. But seeing him move and speak with so much enthusiasm makes my own heart beat faster. Like I don’t even know what’s exciting about it, but there’s something to be excited about.
“It’s so pretty... C’mon. You haven’t seen a body of water in a while, have you?”
“No...”
Akiro lets himself be tempted and walks closer to the water.
“Look at the way the light hits the water… Feel the water’s tension as it hits your skin… Isn’t it dream-like?”
I truly cannot imagine having been near someone who was so excited about indoor pools before.
“Ever watched the movie Moana?”
“No.”
“It’s an old one.”
I haven’t acted in this one.
“Ever been on a boat?”
“No!”
“Would you like it?”
“I don’t know…”
“You’d be curious to look at the way the boat cuts through the waves.”
“Have you been?”
“Sometimes.”
“Did you like it?”
“Too many people. Always ruins the experience.”
He’s completely antisocial…
“I don’t think I’d be allowed on a boat.”
Jan takes his hand out of the water for good and stares at his slightly wrinkled fingers.
“I know... But…”
Akiro sighs.
“…Why?”
“Hmm?”
“Why wouldn’t they allow you on a boat?”
“Ah, well… Hmm… I might as well say that I’m not allowed near bodies of water.”
He throws his head back to look at me with a smile, crossing his legs to avoid his feet hitting the water.
“This is a huuuuuge breach of safety. I told Akiro… that’s why he doesn’t like it.”
“Wuh… What? Huh? But why?”
“Hmm…”
“That’s… maybe… personal…”
“I don’t like leaving people in the dark… Usually, I just avoid bringing attention to it. But this is an Olympic-size pool!”
I see a spark in his eyes…
“You don’t see one like that everyday. It’s huge! Don’t you think?”
“P-Probably.”
“You’re… better at looking at things with wonder than you think.”
“But I don’t do it like you… … Well.”
He finally puts his head back straight and turns fully in my direction, sitting cross-legged on the floor.
“There were two incidents in which I almost drowned when I was little.”
“Two…?”
What could have happened? Even once seems like one time too many.
“Separate. So it was simply decided that it was safer if I wasn’t allowed near bodies of water… We even replaced the bathtub with a shower.”
“That… seems overkill.”
“Yeah, when you think about it, but it was my fault.”
He laughs… Is he seriously not allowed near water? At all?
He should be old enough that it’s worth… trying again, right? I mean… I think he would be so happy…
“Who’s forbidding you…?”
“Ah, well, my dad.”
“It’s not like your dad’s there… right now…”
“I, I thought the cool older kids were supposed to offer you… drugs or something.”
I’m a cool older kid?
Meanwhile, Jan puts on an obviously fake gasp.
“What? You would want me to disobey?”
“It’s not like… It’s just that… He’s being overly protective, right? Going as far as changing the bathtub. So as long as he doesn’t know, no harm done.”
“Neo’s the disobedient type…”
…I don’t know that.
“B-But… Well… On its own… On its own, it might even be safer to make sure you know how to swim, in case something happened.”
“For when you put me on a boat…”
“Y-Yeah. You’re stronger than me. I’m not operating that thing.”
“I see…”
“So it’s a romantic getaway, huh?”
“See, though? Akiro agrees with me.”
“I understand what you mean. On its own, it makes the most sense.”
“On its own,” they both insist.
“But?”
Jan sighs, though he never stops smiling, and turns his head to look at the water behind him again.
“With consideration to the fact that I’m not supposed to swim, it’s never my first thought, but… there’s another reason I couldn’t do it.”
“Ah?”
“Maybe we should look at what kind of swimsuits are available.”
“For you, maybe.”
“N-N-No!”
What… …Ah.
I guess… I should know…
But when I think about it, the world starts to spin around me… Because that memory involves my friend…
“Let’s look for the sake of looking, though. Do you think there are swimsuits available in the changing rooms?”
Jan stands up, though, and I try to focus on him to stay grounded.
“Maybe? You know how when you go to public pools, they sell swimsuits and swimming caps in those vending machines, in case the one you have goes against the regulations or stuff like that?”
“H… Akiro… I do not, in fact, know that.”
“…Oh. Right.”
Akiro’s face turns redder than it had in a while.
“Now I do, though. You’re always so knowledgeable~”
“No way… Jan’s making fun of me…”
As they talk, we all walk together towards the doors at our right. Two of them appear to lead to bathrooms, and separately, one last one indicates a changing room.
“A single one…?”
“R-Really?”
“No… Look.”
Walking ahead of us, he encourages us to join him inside. We’re led inside a surprisingly thin hallway, which itself leads to two different rooms.
“Oh, I see.”
“They’re not marked as anything… I guess it’s up to us. It also means we can look inside both and not look like creeps.”
That hasn’t stopped me before.
“You could send me either way. No one would care.”
“Oh, it’s Akiro. He’s probably just lost.”
“Right.”
“He’s too embarrassed to admit he walked into the wrong room again, but we just let him be.”
“That’s not a thing that happens!”
…Jan decided to lead us inside the changing room farthest from the entrance.
Inside are four benches arranged in the middle of the room, multiple lockers, and two vending machine looking… things.
“Ah! See!”
“How do these work, again?”
There are also vending machines in the dorms… but it’s not like we usually use currency here. I can’t recall if those worked…
“It says… “Scan your handbook, punk”.”
“Does it seriously… it does.”
Ever the punk, the Ultimate Pianist takes his handbook out of his pocket to scan it. A swimsuit immediately falls in the latch.
“It just picks it for you? That’s rude.”
Without comment, Jan picks up his new swimsuit and gives it a good look. It’s a pair of very bland dark blue swim shorts.
“I’m surprised.”
“By?”
“…The fact that those are completely normal. Usually with those…. those two… whatever you get is some sort of nonsensical insult or dumb joke.”
“You’re not wrong...”
“What do I do with those anyway? I can’t wear them…”
Why not???? What’s stopping you???!!!!
“Maybe put them inside a locker?”
“Oh? Sure. Let’s see how those work.”
We get to look at Jan walking towards the lockers and figuring out how to use one of them.
“Hmm… It gives you a key. How old fashioned.”
And it’s having quickly figured it out that he puts his neatly folded swim shorts inside of it before locking it and grabbing his new key.
He stares at it, laying on his palm for a few seconds…
“…Nom!”
Before directing it toward his mouth.
“JAN NO-”

Akiro grabs his hand solidly before it can even reach his mouth.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!”
“It’s not funny…”
He lets Jan’s hand go, allowing him to let it slowly fall down to his side.
“Aw… really?”
I… don’t know what to say. For once, I manage to repress a sigh. This isn’t the first time I’m surprised by Jan’s ability to troll – in the softest meaning of the term – and just a minute ago, he got overly excited upon being exceptionally allowed near a pool.
Maybe he wants to pretend, exceptionally, that our situation is light-hearted.
“You know you really scared me… And it’s not like you took that risk to be funny…”
“Well… don’t we all know that?”
Akiro pouts. I don’t think he’s trying to be mad, but he can’t hide that he is.
“No, I’m sorry. You don’t need me to make you more upset… I actually thought maybe it would be fine to make our own fun out of our bad situation.”
“Come on, you don’t have to justify yourself so much.”
“Oh…?”
“Hey, Akiro.”
Without touching his arm, I gesture towards it as if I were about to.
“You saw Jan’s a giddy mood, right? That’s the point of view he’s looking at it from.”
“I, I know… I’m no fun.”
“Wha…? That’s not what I…”
“No, I know... It’s not your fault.”
“Don’t feel bad. I gave you a scare, right? Sorry, that wasn’t my intention.”
“I’m... sorry for overreacting.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t think it through.”
Akiro looks down and sulks for a short minute – I hazard a look towards Jan, who looks at him with a slight pout. I think the situation is largely resolved, but neither of us knows what to follow it up with…
Or how to comfort Akiro for sure. Yet, surprisingly, the Writer is the one to raise his head and look at Jan with a shy smile and an obvious blush.
“It’s fine, I… I like every part of you.”
…In response to that, the Pianist’s cheeks flush with red, but I think I can safely say that he chases it away in an instant.
“I… uhm...”
He looks away. Exceptionally, Akiro made him too shy to speak…
Hmm…
Hmmm… I wonder…
I wonder if that’s something that would be appropriate to ask...? I have a question in mind, but… and I mean it as casual conversation to get to know Akiro better, but… now that I think about it… I’m starting to wonder what my frame of reference for what is normal or abnormal to say is…
Where does it come from…? Should I be asking myself that…?
“Anywaythat’sitforthepoollet’sgo.”
…Something about him walking this fast by me, and surprising me by doing so, makes Jan look even stronger and bigger than he actually is. My heart skips a beat…
… …I don’t mind it. Maybe I should have said something, and this was a funny reaction after all, but both Akiro and I follow him out of the changing room in shy silence.

Jan made a quick turn inside the other changing room, walked around it, touched everything once, and made it out so quickly we’d barely passed him.
The time it took us to walk out of the pool… room…? I decided against asking Akiro what I had in mind.
Earlier, he mentioned that a lot of people never get used to him… and when he talked to Jan just now, I wondered if maybe one reason for it may be that his obvious nervousness causes the people talking to him to be nervous too. But when I think about it… it’s probably a little more complex than how I was going to put i—
*thud*
“Ouch! What the hell?!”
I yell without thinking… Why did I do that?
Why did that come out of me?
…Most importantly… it appears as though instead of walking through its opening on my right, I tried to walk through the glass door.
“Wow, are you okay?”
“Uh, y-yeah?”
“I’m sorry, I should have been paying attention. I would have told you.”
“W—? No, no, I should pay attention to where I’m going…”
“Hmm... Well, it always feels like the punishment for not paying attention is a bit unfair, isn’t it? Like hurting yourself like that.”
“I see what you mean… but I’m alright, I promise!”
He smiles. Actually… I may have felt a little bad, because seeing his beautiful smile feels like it physically alleviates me from all my worries.
“If you promise, then.”
Argguuueehhh… Ghh…
Jan opens the door a little more, and feeling obedient, I walk through it without even thinking about it. Though it’s transparent, it’s only then that I notice Akiro’s been staring at me in silence, for some reason…
I guess I did make myself look like a bit of an idiot…
“Where should we go next? The museum-looking thing, or theeee… other room?”
“Have you suddenly calmed down?”
“W-We have to go to the normal looking room first... Right?”
“Keep the best for last?”
“Not what I meant! Not what I meant and you know it!”
“Then what did you mean?”
Apparently, because Akiro said so, we’re walking towards the other large-seeming room facing the pool.

…
“This can’t be…”
I don’t know what the other two are thinking… but this obviously seems to me… like another labyrinth, right?
We’re faced with a wall with a single open door on the very right – the only decoration in the fully beige room being what looks like a map to a small labyrinth, next to its entryway.
“A labyrinth…?”
Jan walks up to the map and gives it a thorough look over.
“No… It looks more like some sort of art gallery. I’ve been in one of those museums where you’re supposed to follow a specific pathway…”
“Why would there be… an art gallery… in here…?”
“S-S-Somehow, based on our ex, our experience, a labyrinth made more sense…”
“An art gallery…”
The Pianist visibly considers it, and when he doesn’t find a good answer, he looks a little upset.
“I could see an art school having a specific section to expose its students’ work… But this place just seems completely mismatched.”
“So you don’t think it could be an old art school or something? There was also the music room, then the one with all the clothes and sewing tools…”
“But there’s also an infirmary and a hospital room… and a gymnasium and a fitness room… and a church… …even if you try to think of the weaponry room as some place for blacksmiths to train, it seems made up. It doesn’t feel like a normal school that would be made for students to attend.”
…But what does that mean for us?
“S… So…”
“If Mina…”
…
“I’m really upset about… I…”
He shakes his head, interrupting himself.
“Uhm… We should go ahead and look around, right?”
“Yeah…”
Akiro takes a step towards the gallery’s entryway, but at the last second, he turns to grab Jan’s arm.
“This, this place is untrustworthy, so be careful, okay?”
“Yessir.”
Finding his usual smile again, Jan shakes his arm away softly, in a balancing movement, before walking in – turning to look at us and check that we’re both following him.
And some art gallery it is… The first thing that welcomes us is a corridor with nothing but plain walls. That doesn’t feel like that should be how it is…
Seemingly unbothered, the Pianist is the first one to reach the farthest wall, which he greets with:
“…Ah. You again.”
Immediately, my heart stops. Suddenly, I realise how comfortable I was… walking around with Jan and Akiro, both notorious softies… free from those awful bears’ presence.
“W-What? Why did you say that?”
The Writer picks up his pace to stand next to him.
“…Oh. Pfffffffff.”
“W-What is it?”
Too curious, even though my limbs hurt like hell, I rush behind them to find…
Myself? Again?
More accurately, that would be a mirror. One with a beautiful frame, and underneath it the words “the real piece of art here is you”.”
“That’s it? Why did you say it like that?”
I’m a little flustered… I’m relieved, but…
“I thought you’d found one of those dumb bears…!”
“Oh? No, sorry… Do you really think I would have been that calm?”
Calm or not… No one else in the world would react this way to seeing your face…
“Either way, this is vulgar… and just a reused joke.”
Jan sighs, turning to see his reflection again. With me behind, slightly to one side, and Akiro having swiftly moved himself to the other, the only piece of art he gets to see is himself again.
He shakes his head for a while… then suddenly grabs Akiro to prompt him in front of the mirror.
“There! I like this one better.”
“Wuh, wuh, what?”
And as the redhead takes a minute to understand what’s happening to him, Jan’s smile only intensifies… until I see it again.
That spark of childish enthusiasm in his eyes.
“Hey, hey, while we’re here, what do you think?”
Holding Akiro in front of his reflection by the shoulders, he turns his head to look at me.
“Hm? Me?”
“Everyone knows – Akiro is all cute, right?”
“Uh, uh, yes.”
What prompted this? From where I’m standing, I can see both of them in the mirror. But Akiro’s looking at Jan.
“I can see it… He has these big eyes and this youthful face.”
He taps the redhead’s cheek lightly with the back of his finger to prompt him to turn his head and face the mirror again, and for some reason, he obeys immediately.
“But I think that view’s biased by the way he presents himself, the way he talks and moves.”
“J… Jan… S-Shut up…”
“Why are you saying this?”
The handsome pianist looks at me through the mirror with the satisfied air of a child who just got done eating his very own birthday cake.
“I don’t know why that’s an image I’d know.”
“He told me it bothers him to be reduced to this. And I think it’s true, it’s really overblown.”
“It’s, it’s, it’s okay… J-Just, shut-up…”
Despite complaining and being completely red in the face, Akiro does nothing to move himself away, and Jan looks at his reflection again.
“When you look at him, don’t you think he’s more than that?”
“More than what?”
I might gather that Jan is about to explain to Akiro that he’s more than his appearances… something profound like that… but nothing about his giddy, affectionate attitude suggests that’s where he’s going.
“Stooooooopp… It’s embarrassing, it’s not even true…”
“It is, it is! Look at him and forget that he’s blushing. Actually, no, look at how he’s blushing. Despite being completely overwhelmed, don’t you think something about the pink flush on his face compliments his light skin delicately?”
…
Akiro tries to look everywhere, completely panicked, but I have a good view of him from here.
“Yes, I see what you mean.”
“See?”
“Shutupshutupshutupshutup…”
“And if you just look at his face… Don’t you find that he has such pretty traits?”
… I look again. Why is he trying to get me to look at Akiro like that? I think I see what he means… Akiro looks delicate. But with the Ultimate Pianist right next to him, it’s hard not to focus on his delicate face, framed by soft, fluffy pale hair, his steely blue eyes as the brightest colour… Jan looks like an angel.
“Y-You’re the one who… Next to you, I…”
“Nuh-uh, look at you.”
With an angel squeezing him excitedly like that, I don’t think Akiro’s face is going to lose its flush anytime soon.
“Come on, come on, you agree, right? Seriously, Akiro looks like one of these famous idols with pretty faces that teenage girls fawn over.”
“Oh yeah, I see what you mean.”
It might seem silly, but Jan made a surprisingly good point.
“Not tru— and, and… like that would interest me.”
It’s weird that someone with fairly attractive looks like Akiro would deny compliments this intensely… coming from someone he feels this way towards… I feel like the person making the compliments should have eventually become his focus, but exceptionally, it hasn’t.
“Some boys, too.”
But as someone who apparently grew up far from his place of origins, wherever he lived, he might have been subjected to the beauty standards of that area – ones that did not cater to his looks. If his last name is anything to go by, he was adopted into a family that looks different from him…
“I don’t c… I don’t need… Pff…”
…That’s weird… I wonder if I…
After all, everyone, everywhere speaks English nowadays, so I don’t know if I… where I…
Absent-mindedly, I take a step forward, and find myself facing the mirror, behind the… Boys.
“Well, I recall someone pointing out that everyone here is attractive.”
I do too…
Everyone here has been very complimentary of my looks. For some reason…
Suddenly, I’m wondering if that’s right.
“…I wonder if she would say that now.”
“She would. Now shut up.”
Still looking as hyped up as before, Jan tugs on Akiro’s arm to get him to follow him further down the gallery.
Alice, right…? Whenever she’s mentioned, directly or indirectly, the room feels emptier. Some of our friends are actually gone… somehow, because I know she’s somewhere, just not here, something pinches my heart…
Weirdly, despite being so obviously upset at her mention earlier, Jan managed to move right past it this time. I follow them…
“What’s got you so excited, Jan?”
“Hmm? Well, didn’t you see how pretty Akiro is?”
This smile again… Even though he’s complimenting someone else, something inside of me makes me want to agree with him, to get him to appreciate me…
“Yes…”
“Pffffffff…”
“I wanted someone to! I wanted an opportunity to show him that other people saw it too. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.”
…Wasn’t complimenting him himself enough? Was that not what Jan wanted?
Jan’s always looking after Akiro… making him the food he likes, obviously, but also figuring out how to get him to hang out with his friends enough…
It’s a shame that Alice is upset now… and with that, and despite missing her, Jan says that it’s unfair to him…
Jan likes Alice and Akiro… I guess my agenda is fulfilled… But I feel like Akiro’s feelings are a bit more…
Well…
It’s hard to focus. Inside this new corridor, all along the walls is a beautiful fresco representing a woman with long, dark red hair.

She lies down on a cloud, her limbs extended and bent in different positions. It looks like she might either be in deep sleep, or fallen.

She is thin, with very pale skin, but the clouds that surround her are so starkly white that she pops out – the only colour in this

room

She is completely nude, and as I continue to look at her, I realise that the overgrown red hair that surrounds her looks like a large bloodstain she might be lying in…

the only colour in this

building

And she has no face, but she has a name…

A small white sticker on the floor reads
“Emily”

“What does it say?”
“Unknown media… mural… anonymous painter… and then the name of the painting is “Emily”.”
“Pff…”
“It’s a cool artwork... I wonder if it was originally made for this school.”
“Why?”
“Assuming this isn’t a copy… I’m just thinking that the setting, the surrounding plain white walls, might be meant to contribute to the piece.”
“I think you’re just trying to justify this “art gallery”’s lack of décor.”
“…Possibly.”
“But why Emily?”
…It just had to get out.
“I, I, I… I  don’t know, I j-just know that… it’s a recognisable pattern.”
“Though of course, if this mural has been here for a long time, it has nothing to do with us.”
“The… sticker could have been added afterwards.”
“So what’s written on it is a lie…?”
Jan crouches just in front of said sticker and slides his index finger atop its sides. He lets out an uncomfortable chuckle.
“Well, it doesn’t strike me that way.”
“I, I see...”
“So what? Coincidentally, a book by an author named Emily was planted in the church? And then all of her novels were strewn around the library in a particular way? Coincidentally, a woman named Emily happened to leave a note in that creepy hospital room before we got there? And now, coincidentally…”
“W-We’re all skeeved out by it, you, you, you know.”
“It’s okay, Neo, I don’t believe in coincidences either.”
“But… But…”
…But I don’t know what to make of it!
Jan has long moved away from the sticker on the floor, and he takes a step closer to the fresco to tap the woman’s chin with the back of his finger.
“And of course, the beautiful painted lady has no face. So mysterious.”
“Conclusion?”
“I met a young woman named Emily Drake whose face is forever etched in my mind, but even this figure doesn’t scream “her” to me.”
“Why, do you also remember seeing her naked?”
“Wuh…?”
“…No, she didn’t strike me as interested.”
“…I could have guessed as much.”
But other girls did? Other girls have? Have I been missing out on something here?
“I’m just saying that the frame of her body, the shape of her face... … Then again, it’s just a drawing.”
“Plus, I don’t know if it’s meant to be the Emily we know, or if it’s just about reminding us of her. Like… Emily Louis is obviously a different person.”
“True.”
We all stare at the painting some more…
The woman in the painting has very long, dark red hair. I can also remember Emily’s hair clear as day… it looked nothing like this. An argument could always be made for artistic interpretation, but… It’s not like the two previous iteration of “Emily”-s popping out of nowhere seemed to match her description either.
“I also knew a woman named Émilie, whose face...”
He marks a long pause, taking his hand off the wall.
“…This is inspiring. If I drew myself, I might do it like this.”
“Maybe you should do it.”
“Hmm… Noooo… I don’t feel like iiiiit.”
After all that, Jan suddenly puts on a cutesy pout. I catch myself chuckling nervously.
“You’re good at drawing, though.”
“Maybe you should write something about me…”
“…Okay.”
Akiro smiles softly… I can’t believe he was won over this easily. He usually resists for much longer.
“N-None of this…”
…Whatever it is you two have going on…
“Changes anything about what I said, though...”
“W-What d-do you want us to say…?”
…
“I don’t understand why it’s always Emily…”
Neither of the boys answers immediately. It looks like I’ve made Akiro uncomfortable, while Jan looks pensive.
Unsurprisingly, he’s the one to end up saying something.
“You know I’d answer every question in the world for you if I could…”
(I feel myself blushing, though I don’t know why.)
“I never thought of myself as someone who could do that…”
“Only a fool would think that of themselves.”
“…And it’s because you know that that you’re always learning so much.”
“Grr.”
…Why is he growling?
“Either way, with the information that I have, I’m under the impression that you keep asking the right questions, Neo.”
“Oh…?”
“Yeah... So I look forward to figuring this out together, as soon as we can.”
>Shining, charming smile!
>It’s super effective!
“…In the meantime, you look uncomfortable. Do you want to move on?”
I…
Pff. He’s right. I feel weak… and not only because of his steely blue eyes.
I don’t know if this is something I will have to study with a therapist years down the line… not that that seems realistic to me anyway… but whenever I think “Emily”, I feel like I’m seriously going to lose it. If I heard “Noah” or “Ben” or “Andi” or… … I would feel such an array of feelings… but something about Emily’s name makes me feel dizzy.
Is it because she was the first one to be killed? It’s true that… I hate to think about it. Still, I feel unsure.
Though like Jan said, in the meantime…
“Yes, please.”
He nods and leads us further down this stupid gallery.
“Why are you like this…?”
“Like what?”
“…You refuse to miss a beat.”
“Must be the pianist in me.”
“Euargh…! I walked right into that one!”
Amidst this banter, we step into the next corridor, which…
How do I put this…
Is not worth the energy.
“Mona Lisa Monokuma. Mona… Monolisa.”
…
Neither Akiro or I find anything to say.
This corridor is covered in parodies of different famous artworks, featuring Monokuma. I won’t even bother to look.
“The, the more you look at it, the more you realise his design is really… really stupid.”
The last one is also painted on the wall, all the way at the end of the corridor… It’s a rendition of “Saturn Devouring His Son”, but for some reason, Kumakuma is pictured devouring Monokuma.
I take a turn, praying that this is the end…
…And it is!
This might be the first time my prayers are answered! That I remember, at least. I practically run out of this dumb gallery… Landing back in the wide room that we first thought hosted another labyrinth.
“What a waste of time!” I hear myself exclaim…
With an exaggeratedly relieved tone. Part of me thinks I should just go back to bed, but…
Thankfully, I think there’s still someone who would yell at me if I did that.
“We… We never find anything useful. But I’m way too scared of looking stupid if we gave up and missed something important.”
“A forgotten phone... Anything…” Jan whispers.
He sounds desperate.
“S-So… Is that everything here?”
“I guess…”
I understand what Akiro means. We’d never forgive ourselves if we missed something that could help us escape, and let something else horrible happen before we found out… So despite feeling like pure hell, I take a looooong, sloooow look at every wall leading us to the door.
It was weird for Jan to sound like that… After all, I truly feel that he’s doing fine.
“Well, time to go to the porn room.”
“Oh, come on!”
Aaaahhh… I sigh.
“I wouldn’t mind the porn room… if this kind of precedent hadn’t been set.”
I turn around a last time to show the inside of this “gallery” room.
“Really? I think my least favourite was the actual labyrinth.”
“I, I already didn’t like the chapel…”
We walk out to make our way to that last room…
“I guess it’s there so you can pay a visit after whatever happens in the 18+ room.”
“Gh…!”
“I don’t think that chapel is particularly holy.”
“…Right.”
“Speaking of, “18+” means what it means, doesn’t it?”
“Being?”
We stop in front of its door. There’s nothing particular about it… despite its dubious representation on the map, this room looks normal from the outside.
“Well, Akiro’s in the clear, but you…”
Jan looks and acts slightly older than his age, but today, I’m somehow reminded that he’s just a little closer to being a kid than the rest of us.
…
Than all of us…
I feel my heart falling apart. It’s not the first time neither the last… but if anything, if something happened to Jan and Akiro, it would seriously start to feel like we’re being devoured one after the other.
“Nooooo! If Akiro’s going, I’m going!”
Ah…! He grabs the back of Akiro’s shirt, giggling.
This is bad…
“Not with a reaction like that you’re not!”
Please don’t actually be a child.
I want to believe that because I’m past the magical number 18, my demise won’t be so painful to the world.
Why do I think myself so important, though?
“It’s not like I’m that interested. But I won’t let you go in alone…”
“Y-Yeah, and I don’t want to go in alone with Neo… because what if… what if you’re like, secretly a pervert?”
“W-What? No way! You’re the pervert!”
“My, my butt! I’ve s, I’ve seen the way you look at some guys…”
“Y-You! I’ve seen the way you look at—”
“LAAAAAAlala that’s enough. Keep at it and I’ll have to call an adult!”
“Hmpf.”
I slap my hand over my mouth just in time to avoid saying something I probably shouldn’t…
Eurgh… I feel my face going crimson. I almost said something that would have probably made things uncomfortable. I totally let myself be influenced…
“Wh-Who would you call? Keith?”
“Oh yeah… “Keith, can you come right now, we have a situation in front of the porn room.” He would slap me behind the head for worrying him like that.”
“How old is Lois? Anyone past 19 is okay, so they can pretend to be more mature than Neo, right?”
“N-Not Lois…! You can’t do that to me!”
“You bet. A-After what you almost just said? B-B-Bastard.”
Akiro’s amused enough to laugh through his gritted teeth, but his face is probably redder than mine.
“I’ll call Chris and she’ll kick both of your asses.”
“Let’s just… go.”
I scratch the back of my head, feeling a little bit too awkward. I can feel my heart beating very fast inside my chest… I’m feeling too many emotions at once, and it feels like it’s shaking inside toxic acid.
“We’ll find a way to buy Jan’s silence later.”
“Okaaaaay~”
Evidently, that little tilde he writes down is simply part of his regular speech.
With that being said… Jan pushes the door to that embarrassing new room.

…
… …I don’t know what I expected exactly. A simple room with shelves of magazines and DVDs was definitely on the list, but I was seriously scared whoever is coming up with all this would have done something much more embarrassing.
On the very left is a wooden box atop a small table, akin to what you’d find in a retro CD or DVD store. I assume there are more… DVDs… in there, though I don’t know why they’d be separated from the others.
From taking a quick look around, it seems that calling this the “porn room” was an accurate assessment… it all seems to be dedicated specifically to porn. Pornographic DVDs, and now that I look at it, pornographic books, pornographic comics, pornographic manga, porno—
“Woah, cool!”
…Pornographic magazines.
“This is not… this is not an okay reaction.”
“Ah? …Oh.”
Jan chuckles, turning the magazine he’s holding slightly to the side to hide its contents from us. All that does is show me the cover, which sports a naked woman in a statue-like pose with stars plastered over her nipples and privates.
“But this is a rare, limited edition magazine.”
“...And you’re familiar with it?”
Aren’t they supposed to card you when you buy one of those? It feels to me that tracking of your basic info has always been extremely strict, so I can’t imagine him getting his hands on one of these unless an adult bought it for him.
…At 17, I imagine he might have some friends who are just older enough.
“Uuuuh... This is pretty bad, huh? Why couldn’t it be in that museum-like room instead?”
“There’s probably still sexual content in this magazine.”
“Well, sure…”
He turns a few pages, looking at the pictures… I gather.
“It’s part of it. I know what this is. But the photographers and models they hire do wonderful work to present the nude body.”
“Wait… I can’t tell if you’re pretending not to care about the rest or if you really are like that.”
“He’s really like that,” Akiro faux-whispers.
And you already knew that?!
“The posing… The light work… The framing… I can tell so much love and work goes into all of this. It makes for admirable photos.”
“I… uhm.”
“Magazines aren’t common, but I’m really interested in them. It’s easier to identify brands that work safely and respectfully with their models, and to be able to see the photos in real life adds to the experience.”
His speech gets faster and faster.
“…Are there other similarly cool magazines here, then?”
What draws you to entertaining this?!
“Hmm... From taking a quick look, I don’t know.”
He sets down the one he was holding to spread out a few others, at the bottom of a shelf.
“The SILENT MAN team has a passion for art, the erotic, and erotic art…”
If I were hired for this ad read I might turn down the offer.
“There are probably valuable photos to be found in these other magazines, but they’re very sexual.”
He picks one up and opens it to a random page.
“All the models are in extremely sexual poses… The descriptions are weird about these women. The modelling credits are written as small as they can be at the bottom of the page. I’m supposed to look at these women who look like they’re having sex… and…”
“It’s… It’s generally understood that the models who participate in these shoots or whose pictures are used in those magazines are consenting, but I guess there’s always a risk of exploitation.”
“It’s uncomfortable. It feels uncomfortable.”
“So you even pay attention to the ethicality of your porn...”
Who even thinks like that…? This guy cannot be real. The stereotypically attractive young white guy is supposed to be a douche.
“It’s not, it’s not about porn...”
He’s cute when he blushes…
It makes me want to eat his face…
…Why am I thinking that?
“It’s seriously not. I’ve always been interested about depictions of the nude form.”
“...”
No, I don’t know what to say to that. He sets down any magazine he was holding to take a step in our general direction, looking excited again.
“Everything it says about somebody, the way everybody looks different, natural human beauty… I’m curious about it, and I want to admire it!”
“You always “want to admire”…”
“And you always admire.”
Hm? Is that true?
(…It might just be what it looks like to you, Jan.)
“You’re actually worse than me.”
Akiro chuckles.
He’s admiring Jan.
“Yeah? Show Neo your writing.”
“N-No...”
“Ah? Why not?”
It’s true that I might find out a lot about Akiro that I’ve been missing out on.
“It’s not… It’s not... good.”
He looks away, as though all there is to stare at in this place isn’t pornographic DVDs.
“Liar!”
“I know, right?!”
“B-Besides, you make it sound like I write porn.”
…
“Ooooooooh, right. Damn.”
… …
“… … …Do you?”
“N…N… Nnnnooooo.”
“…”
“…”
“Can I s—”
“No!!!”
“Now I feel surrounded by two perverts.”
(Because of course, all of my thoughts are holy.)
“I’m not a pervert! I don’t even like s—”
This time, he gets really flustered.
“That… much… Since… I’m… Erhm.”
He passes us to pretend to look at more shelves lining the wall.
“Pff… I’m too stressed for this.”
“It’s okay, we’ll stop joking about it.”
The bad writer shoots me a death glare.
What?! Why me?! You total hypocrite!
“Hmm… Let’s be serious… Since there are a lot of items in this room, we need to be thorough.”
“That’s… true.”
Way to save yourself by bringing the mood down. He’s right, though… And since he starts to seriously scour through the contents of the shelves in front of him, I nod, perhaps just to myself, and pick another one to inspect.
…So much porn.
This is inappropriate. Having to look at porn cover after cover is seriously embarrassing.
“Oh, I know this manga!!”
...Though some of us are worse at it than others.
The fact that neither of us knew what to comment probably made his sinking realisation that he’d spoken his thoughts out loud feel much, much worse.
What am I looking for exactly? A loose piece of paper, a secretly significant book? It dawns on me that for all three of us to seriously go through with this search highlights our desperation. My body hurts, and as everything I do feels more tiring than usual, I feel more frustrated and bored than I probably should…
That context sets me up to look with attention when I see Jan move away from the wall to inspect the wooden box I saw when I first entered. When I see his eyes open wider than usual…
…Abnormally wide, actually – is he always holding them partly closed or something?
Nonetheless, when I see him scour through the DVDs and take out two familiar looking boxes, as though attracted by a magnet, I make my way next to him.
“What’s this?”
“You, you don’t recognise them?”
He takes another look at the two DVDs he got out and holds them close to his chest, as if to keep me from taking them away from him. They do look uncannily familiar… For some reason, when I pick one up at random, my arms are shaking.
The DVD box is one with no marking other than a bright white sticker, with on it written:

BENJAMIN PAN’S LIFE STORY
“Eek…!”
I let go of it, and it miraculously falls back inside the box, almost into place.
“These are… these are…”
Jan pushes the two boxes around it slightly to let it fall back exactly where it came from.
“The… DVDs… from the motive…”
Not too far from us, from the corner of my eye, I can see Akiro standing up from in front of a low shelf.
“If this is serious, this is really dangerous. We should let everyone know to come get theirs.”
…I’m speechless.
Without a word, I start to look for mine.
“Did you take mine…?”

“…Can you keep it?”

“Okay.”

Here it is! I found it!

“Do you think I could grab Alice’s… for her?”

It says my name…

“Hmm… You could… But if she found out too late, she could freak out… And we’re not sure to see her…”

“NEO DEVIN’S LIFE STORY”.

“Hm… I want to be helpful… I don’t want to scare her…”

So that’s actually my… I didn’t make it up…

“Unless you want to take everyone’s…?”
“No… I feel like that would seem way too threatening.”

…I really have a life story.